My very first topic!

Okay, so it’s exciting if you’re me. I found this amusing and wanted to share. Feel free to add your own submissions.

StG

THE BEST OF MERGED BOOKS

Second Runner-Up:

“Machiavelli’s The Little Prince” - Antoine de Saint-Exupery’s classic children’s tale as presented by Machiavelli. The whimsy of human nature is embodied in many delightful and intriguing characters, all of whom are executed. (Erik Anderson, Tempe, Ariz.)

First Runner-Up:

“Green Eggs and Hamlet” - Would you kill him in his bed? Thrust a dagger through his head? I would not, could not, kill the King. I could not do that evil thing. I would not wed this girl, you see. Now get her to a nunnery. (Robin Parry, Arlington)

And the Winner of the Dancing Critter:

“Fahrenheit 451 of the Vanities” - An '80s yuppie is denied books. He does not object, or even notice. (Mike Long, Burke)

Honorable Mentions:

“Where’s Walden?”- Alas, the challenge of locating Henry David Thoreau in each richly-detailed drawing loses its appeal when it quickly becomes clear that he is always in the woods. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

“Catch-22 in the Rye” - Holden learns that if you’re insane, you’ll probably flunk out of prep school, but if you’re flunking out of prep school, you’re probably not insane. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

“2001: A Space Iliad”- The Hal 9000 computer wages an insane 10-year war against the Greeks after falling victim to the Y2K bug. (Joseph Romm, Washington)

“Rikki-Kon-Tiki-Tavi”- Thor Heyerdahl recounts his attempt to prove Rudyard Kipling’s theory that the mongoose first came to India on a raft from Polynesia. (David Laughton, Washington)

“The Maltese Faulkner” - Is the black bird a tortured symbol of Sam’s struggles with race and family? Does it signify his decay of soul along with the soul of the Old South? Is it merely a crow, mocking his attempts to understand? Or is it worth a cool mil? (Thad Humphries, Warrenton)

“Jane Eyre Jordan” - Plucky English orphan girl survives hardships to lead the Chicago Bulls to the NBA championship. (Dave Pickering, Bowie)

“Looking for Mr. Godot”- A young woman waits for Mr. Right to enter her life.
She has a loooooong wait. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

“The Scarlet Pimpernel Letter” - An 18th-century English nobleman leads a double life, freeing comely young adulteresses from the prisons of post-Revolution France.

“Lorna Dune” - An English farmer, Paul Atreides, falls for the daughter of a notorious rival clan, the Harkonnens, and pursues a career as a giant worm jockey in order to impress her.

“The Remains of the Day of the Jackal” - A formal English butler puts his loyalty to his employer above all else, until he is persuaded to join a plot to assassinate Charles deGaulle.

“The Invisible Man of La Mancha”- Don Quixote discovers a mysterious elixir that renders him invisible. He proceeds to go on a mad rampage of corruption and terror, attacking innocent people in the streets and all the while singing “To fight the Invisible Man!” until he finally is stopped by a windmill.

“Singing in the Black Rain”- A gang of vicious Japanese druglords beat the s**t out of Gene Kelly.

“FiddleMarch” - Emotionally dessicated medievalist Dr. Casaubon is transformed when everyone in the town reveals that they are Jewish and start to dance and sing.

“Of Three Blind Mice and Men” - Burgess Meredith has his limbs hacked off by a psychopathic farmer’s wife. Did you ever see such a sight in your life?

“Planet of the Grapes of Wrath” - Astronaut lands on mysterious planet, only to discover that it is his very own home planet of Earth, which has been taken over by the Joads, a race of dirt-poor corn farmers who miraculously developed rudimentary technology and evolved the ability to speak after exposure to nuclear radiation.

“Paradise Lost in Space”- Satan, Moloch, and Belial are sentenced to spend eternity in a flying saucer with a goofy robot, an evil scientist, and 2 annoying children.

“The Exorstentialist” - Camus psychological thriller about a priest who casts out a demon by convincing it that there’s really no purpose to what it’s doing.

“The Third Man on the Moon” - Joseph Cotton travels to occupied Vienna in search of the illusive Mr. Kaufman. Is he alive? Is he dead? Is he the mysterious and offensive lounge singer, Harry Lime? Zither music by Michael Stipe.


Elmer J. Fudd,
Millionaire.
I own a mansion and a yacht.

(Pats St. Germain on the head)

Very good topic, Germain. It’s nice to know that there are still children who like to read. (Gives him a whole grain oatmeal cookie sweetened with brown rice syrup and a nice glass of soy milk)


I never could get the hang of Thursdays. - Arthur Dent

Thanks a lot for the laugh (after the week I had, I needed it). Those were great.

“The Hunt For Red Pony” Political intrigue and espionage in depression-era California as a dirt farmer tries to defect to Nevada.

“The Midnight Orient Express” - Before the luxurious train can leave the station, detective Hercule Poirot is arrested and charged with smuggling moustache wax. Thrown into a Turkish prison, Poirot endures torture and degradation but manages to escape, cleverly disguised as a Wagon-Lit conductor.

Nice first topic!!

I laughed out loud at some of those…

Well done!
kellibelli

“The Silence of the Snow Falling on Cedars.” A sociopathic ex-psychiatrist is rounded up into a Japanese internment camp. He talks the guards into mutilating themselves and then eats their remains.

" 'Tis Lolita" A little boy growing up in the ghettos of Dublin falls hopelessly in love/lust with an 11-year-old girl.

I have a home page!
It has pictures!
http://members.xoom.com/rastahomie/index.htm

Foucault’s Pit and the Pendulum

A conspiracy theorist is trapped by the Rosicrucian Inquisitors in a pitch black chamber, and tries to find his way out…

ROTFL (which I don’t do very often)! Wonderful.

I wanna play…

Iron John in Wonderland: The passage from boyhood to manhood is examined using the stories of a little girl’s experiences with bunnies and a queen as illustrations.

Busman’s Honeymoon in Vegas (I know - it’s a movie, but still…) Lord Peter Wimsey and his new bride Harriet Vane, while second-honeymooning, solve the mystery of a squashed Elvis impersonator.

agisofia - I’m a new poster, but neither young (I’m 38), nor male. And oreos and 2% milk are my snack of choice! :wink:

Life, the Universe and the Motorcycle- Man gets picked up by heavy drinking aliens with a sarcastic robot, only to find out that everything is run by a mouse.


“People must think it must be fun to be a super genuis,
But they don’t realize how hard it is
to put up with all the idiots in the world.”
– Calvin and Hobbes
(__)
/

Common Sense and Sensibility - Costume drama set during the American revolution.

Pride and Prejudice of the Yankees - What would happen if John Rocker was traded, and Lou Gehrig was still playing?

Rebecca of Animal Farm - A young girl learns about politics.

It Takes a Village of the Damned - These children would be raised to be obedient, that’s for sure.

How to Win Friends and Lovers - Carnegie’s classic advice for picking up women.

Lord of the Ring of the Niebelung - 15 part series, made into a 47 hour long opera.

Gone with the Windows 98 for Dummies

Can we do movies too? How 'bout:

“Dennis the Menace to Society” where that punk-ass Mr. Wilson gets a cap busted in his sorry ass…

“Boyz in the Robin Hood” a hard-hitting look into the lives of he merry men who steal from the rich and then kill each other the same day the get their passing SAT scores…

and “Tin Cup Men” about guys who repossess golf clubs. (Ok, that one sucked, lol)


Sarcasm detector? Oh, THAT’S a real useful invention!

“100 Years of Living Dangerously” Journalist Jose Aureliano Arcadio Jose Jose Aurelianito Jose Buendia has surrealist adventures during the '65 Indonesia revolution.

“The Killing Fields of Dreams” Iowa farmer Kevin Costner hears a voice telling him to travel to war-torn Cambodia and build a baseball field. He does and the Khmer Rouge blow his head off.

“Blue Velveteen Rabbit” A stuffed toy rabbit patiently waits for his owner, young Frank Booth, to put down the gas mask and play with him.


“My hovercraft is full of eels.”

“Creature From The Blue Lagoon”—we get to see what Brooke Shields looks like without make-up.

“Paradise Lost World”—Shangi-La gets EATEN! :cool:


“Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.”----Jung

“Gravity’s Rainbow Six” – The novel opens with the sentence “A screaming comes across the sky and the movie rights sold for 18 million dollars.” 1400 pages, half of them brilliant, the other half a handy place to make notes in the margins. A rollicking ride as we follow Lt. Slothrop through Europe during the close of WWII as he is chased by John Clark and the Rainbow team. A high point in the novel entails John Clancy being launched in a special V2 rocket at the heart of Hollywood. The stunning precursor to the Pynchon/Kinsela “Mason and Dixon Cornbelt League.” A Barnes and Ignoble unread and recommended book.

martin

This reminds me of the time I tried to come up with the marketing strategy for the archetypal 90s action knockoff: Die Hard on an Alien. Whenever I’d see a movie trailer for some dumb ripoff flick I wasn’t gonna see, I’d say, dude, it’s like Die Hard on an Alien or something. Once somebody challenged me to come up with a plot for it, so here goes:
John McClaine is cloned to head up a mission to investigate a large derelict spacecraft heading towards earth. He of course retains his hard-boiled New York cop personality. When he arrives at the spacecraft with his crew of hard-boiled cops and space marines, including Michael Biehn in his 34th supporting role as a Navy SEAL, he discovers that it’s not a spacecraft at all, but actually a living creature. Unfortunately, a group of evil terrorists from an unspecified European country has also landed on the spacecraft/creature, and a lot of gunplay and one-liners ensues. The most famous line in the whole movie is [German accent]: “Dam! Dam! John McClain hass barricaded himself in ze creature’s phallic, eyeless head!”