My very own crackpot theory

I don’t take it very seriously myself and this is the first time I have written this down. I thought I would give the dopers the first crack at it.

The evidence for “bigfoot” is such that there must be something real behind it. But what? An unknown larger-than-man hominoid living in the northwest, with no capture or carcass after all these years? Jane Goodall buys it, so who am I to argue?

The main problem I have is that legitimate bigfoot sightings have occurred in almost every one of the 48 states. An unknown bigfoot-size animal living in Oregon? Maybe. But Ohio? New Jersey? No way. In fact they are reported all over the world, lately in Britain of all places!

My crackpot theory:

Bigfoots are diseased humans.

It is known that occasionally someone will go off to live in the woods like an animal for no apparent reason, sometimes for months or even years. Feral humans they are called. It isn’t clear how they survive. The fortunate ones “wake up” eventually and return home, usually with no memory of their wild life. Others are apprehended and are admitted to hospitals. The unfortunate ones? Who knows.

I hypothesize that there is a disease that sometimes can loosens one’s screws enough so that you wander off into the wild. There, coupled with privation and the wild diet, it deforms the victim – excessive body hair, growth of the extremities – arms and feet. The victim is pretty much driven mad by the disease, but particularly experiences intense fear of humans and flees and hides whenever discovered.

The same disease developes entirely differently in a person living indoors and eating common food.

This would account for the following curiousities:

(1) bigfoots are often reported as moaning or screaming like a woman in pain. The victim is in pain.
(2) bigfoots are consistently reported as very stinky, like rotten eggs. This is consistent with idea that bigfoot is a very sick monkey.
(3) ** A place (especially in the east and south) will have a round of sightings and then nothing again for many years** .The disease runs its course and is fatal.
(4) ** No carcasses have been found.** The deceased victim decays, leaving no trace of their outer deformities. When found they are never considered to be anything than what they are: human.
(5) Hunters that encounter bigfoots never shoot them and always say "because it looked human and would be murder."
Whaddaya think? I’m hoping one of the doper doctors will respond.

I think that is the first problem in your theory.


I think this is the second problem with your theory. Your understanding and my understanding of the word ‘legitimate’ obviously differ.

Why bigfoots? Why not bigfeet?

For that matter, why not bigfeets?

“OK, assuming for the sake of argument that chickens are just as intelligent as humans, how can you justify eating one for dinner?”