The most recent Bigfoot hoax turned out to be a rubber suit. I’m flabbergasted, to be honest. I thought that it had to be Bigfoot. My one coworker had me absolutely convinced that Bigfoot existed. For over 100 years there have been sightings of a huge, 7-8 foot tall hairy bipedal animal roaming the Earth, and there has never been a body. I thought this was the Holy Grail, the Mother Lode. Who would lie about something like this, anyway?
The answer is, of course, every single person who has ever claimed to have seen Bigfoot. Bigfoot does not exist. Yet even with the absence of evidence knucklehead after knucklehead comes out of the woodwork with one hoax after another, and the credulous losers all say “Told ya!” in unison. What’s amazing is that after such a startling revelation you would expect deafening silence. Nope, instead they claim that it is a government cover-up, that Bigfoot exists and this one was real but the government is lying about it.
I know where Bigfoot is. He’s right next to the Chupacabra, taking a swim with the Loch Ness Monster in Area 51 near the sunbathing aliens, all of which are tended to by the guy who launched the missile at the Pentagon, the guy who imploded the World Trade Centers, and the two other guys on the Grassy Knoll. The guy who faked the Moon Landings runs the whole thing, I’m telling you. Buzz knows. Ask Bart Sibrel, he’ll tell you.
I tend not to hear all that much from Bigfoot-believers, so I have to ask; what is it they think the government is covering him/them up for, exactly? Does Bigfoot fur make excellent pillows they’re unwilling to share?
I don’t know why or how they think the Government would cover up aliens either, but it’s a nice, unfalsifiable, all purpose explanatory device. Kind of like goddidit…thegummintcovereditup.
God only knows. But I ended up in the middle of an argument at work the other day when my two coworkers started to get into the conspiracy theory feedback loop, where everything they said started to make sense to each other and only confirmed that the government was responsible for hiding everything about everything. Therefore, they concluded, the government was “doing the tests”, thus confirming in their minds that Bigfoot does exist but the government doesn’t want anybody to know the truth.
The hell of it is, I could probably still load up a Chewbacca suit in a cooler, cover it with some ice and sell it to the same Bigfoot hunters tomorrow. These fish never stop biting.
I was at a meeting last weekend and someone brought up the fact that someone found a dead bigfoot. He was absolutely convinced that this was the real deal.
I have to admit, I’m never sure what tact to take in situations like this. Every once in a while I run into a die hard Bigfoot believer so I try things like: if Bigfoot is intelligent enough to hide himself from humans for a few thousand years, then why haven’t we found tools or anything (or hell, bigfoot remains of any kind). Then I mention that if Bigfoot is just a big dumb ape like thing why hasn’t someone been able to track them.
My main problem is that I’m simply not a very good debater so I mostly just end up giving up.
That I think I can understand - the whole “don’t want to create global panic or, at minimum, immense social and religious upheaval” theory.
But Bigfoot? What would be so revolutionary about a big hairy ape? So he walks on two legs, big deal. Dogs can do that for a few minutes and the best they do is MAYBE “America’s Funniest Home Videos.”
Hey-you’ve got folks seeing Jesus, Mary, and C. Estes Kefauver on toast, potato chips, cheese sammitches, bathroom walls, and highway overpasses. They put up shrines and do all kinda crazy shit. Meanwhile, I’m sitting here saying to myself, you folks are weeping and lighting candles for something that only exists inside of your head. You are nuttier than squirrel shit. But hey-a week or so from now, you’ll have Mary on a Mudflap and the flocking faithful will flock to Jimbo’s garage to stare in awe at the ass end of a Mack triaxle.
Years ago there was some guy on the Letterman show who has a container of what he claimed was Bigfoot shit. Dave asked “How do you know it just isn’t from a fat camper with a bad diet?”.
Eh…I could cetainly believe the idea that Bigfoot (or something like it) did exist, and if evidence were to be found, it would take the form of something frozen in ice…so the story didn’t seem **entirely ** implausible (only 99.5% implausible - I like to keep an open mind).