Skald, I just want to say that I think you’re a great guy, who is handling the situation brilliantly. Especially in your understanding that this sitation has sparked off other issues that your wife needs to work through.
Give it till the weekend, when she’s had a break from the jerk. Ask how it’s going, is she feeling any better? Is there anything she’d like you to do that would help? Any advice on dealing with HR?
Would her co-worker back her up if she went to HR? It could be empowering to know that she will not be on her own in a “he said she said” situation.
I hope she decides to go the official route, but I’d understand if she decided to just leave instead. I’m sure you’ll support her in whatever decision she makes.
Mrs. R. just emailed me. She has decided to talk to HR about the Dickless Aryan and wants some help preparing for it.
I’m not going to tell her that I’m proud of her, because that seems to imply that I’m taking partial responsibility for her decision. I am, however, going to tell her how much she rocks.
This is really great to hear. I’m glad that she’s chosen to do this, and that you’re gog to be supporting her so well!
She’s not the only one in the Rhymer house who rocks.
You misunderstood me, which is easy to see, since I wasn’t clear. By confront, I meant the situation–something other than just this scene (bad enough as it is) is causing her to go all deer in the headlights. Once she has garnered the strength to face that, she can go through channels. I hope she’s at least documenting stuff, though.
I don’t think telling her you’re proud implies anything except that … well, you’re proud of her! You should be – she climbed a huge mountain of fear and disgust to transcend cruel and demeanting treatment, and she did so partly because you were there for her. My wife went through something similar – she wasn’t singled out, but sexual harrassment of female employees was pretty much the office policy – so I know your outrage and frustration. You have every right to be proud of her and tell her so.
It has occurred to me – and this may have already been addressed in the thread, I haven’t read every posting yet – but wouldn’t she have grounds to complain for both sexual harrassment and racial discrimination/harrassment? Seems to me that I have read of cases where people who are harrassed because they are in mixed-race marriages have grounds for a racial discrimination complaint.
The pride issue is probably my own weird thing. I tend to take the construction “I’m proud of you” as implying, “You have done well, young grasshopper, in no small part because I, your teacher, led you over a thorny path.” So I don’t like saying it unless I did, in fact, do that. And this isn’t my accomplishment; it’s hers.
From what she’s described, it’s all about race; it just manifested in terms of sexual harassment. Apparently it started when the Dickless Wonder saw a picture of her sitting on my lap and said something about her deserving better than a – well, let’s say Canadian, in reference to to the Pit thread. This vexed her not merely because because of me but because, pale skin and fair hair aside, she identifies as black. She made the tactical error of letting him know that, and he saw her weakest spot.
Anyway, she talked with her HR person yesterday, and today was told that they’re having a talk with DW Monday. I’ll let you guys know what’s up, if it seems appropriate and if anyone cares.
I can’t tell you what to do, but in a similar case I have heard of a person that beat the harasser until the blood all but stopped, using severe, nonetheless non-lethal force. He told the person that if he went to the police that it would be the last thing that he would do with both hands attached to his body, and with both eyes in his head.
He didn’t ask his own wife, as her judgement was clouded.
