Cross-posted on Gweeb, because they are Good People too.
Don’t know where else to put this, and I need to work through things, so guess what? Y’all drew the short straw.
We went through a bad allergy season this spring and summer. Lots of crap and neither of us felt 100% since March. About two weeks ago or so, she got really tired really easy. The allergy shit went away, but fatigue became an issue. A week ago she had to call me into the bathroom to help her get of the seat, she was so fatigued. Last Thursday and Friday she was so wiped out she couldn’t keep control of basic bodily functions. She actively fought calling an ambulance until Friday, when we basically kidnapped her and got her to the ER.
Total liver and kidney failure. Several long-term issues including damage done due to chemo for leukemia back in the early 2000s. The docs give her maybe 48 hours from this point. She is awake and aware, but on 100% O2 under pressure and tons of IVs to keep her blood pressure up. Absolutely nothing can be done. Family has all flown out and we are rotating keeping her company until she finally taps out.
At this point I am running on “numb.” Which is good, because that means I can still function and make plans and get shit organized. So far the plan is donate the furniture in storage to the rest home my mother was in, sell the various properties around town, and move in with my cousin in Washington. We roomed together for a few years in Alaska, so we are used to each others foibles. On bereavement leave for 2 weeks, sick leave for the remainder of the month, then pull the pin and retire after Sept. 1st. Let my realtor prep and sell the house. The cats and I will convoy north and I will begin the next chapter of my life.
Don’t take anything for granted, kiddos. Life will throw you curve balls and it doesn’t care about what plans you had. Make memories and share them while you can.
I am so sorry, silenus - I wish all strength to you as you go through this.
FWIW, which is nothing since the last thing you need right now is advice from strangers: When my father died, my mother said she’d been counseled not to make any huge life decisions in the first year after his passing - a rule she tried to stick to and that was probably a good idea in her case. So if you can delay any big decisions about where to go and what to do, let yourself take some time.
The docs at the hospital she is at are top-notch. Since she is Covid-negative, we can visit at all hours and stay with her around the clock. She is awake, aware and gets to call her own shots. When she decides that it is starting to hurt too much, they will switch her to palliative care and start removing all the IVs and such. Only a matter of time then, and not very much of that.
I think the cats know, because they are freaked out and very clingy. There is an incredible outpouring of support from people I didn’t know gave a shit. The grapevine spread the word and I’m hearing from students who graduated years ago, offering their help with anything. I’m humbled.
CC - The move North is to make sure I’m not alone in the house for an extended period. Staring at walls is very bad. But after everything has settled I can make some permanent decisions. But being around family is going to be important, and that means Washington.
Oh my God. I am so very sorry to hear this. How truly awful for you both.
Are heroic measures or transplants out of the question?
Please, share, vent, cry, rage, do what you must here. I have greatly enjoyed reading your posts over at least 15 years, and probably longer. I’m so sorry this happened.
Heroic measures wouldn’t work, and a transplant is out of the question. I talked to the Charge Nurse about it, and she said that even if this had been diagnosed a year ago, we still wouldn’t be anywhere near the top of the list. As it is, with sudden onset and total failure…
But yeah, I’m gonna vent and scream and yell and hope that when I get completely out of line the Mods just put me on a time-out instead of banning my ass.
I should probably contact Johnny_LA and let him know I’m moving in next door.
I’m very sorry. This is never easy, even with the best of care; but it sounds at least like she is getting that.
– not staying alone in the house sounds good. You might (or might not) want to delay actually selling it. But you probably don’t need us second-guessing your decisions, either.
Take gentle care. There is no easy way to leave this Earth, and no easy way to watch a loved one do it either. Sudden is bad; what you’re having is different bad, and slow is different bad again. Life sucks sometimes and this is massively one of those times.
Give her what you can while you can. And take the time after to care for yourself, and to get care for yourself.
We’re all here 24/7 to talk & commiserate. It won’t change her outcome, but it may change yours.
Well, the market here is strong and I ought to turn a pretty good profit on it. But the thought of being in “our” house without her just makes me…
On the up-side, we hadn’t really started to do major redecorating and such. So the house will be a pretty much blank canvas, which should attract buyers. My realtor is superb, and a contractor as well, so she can get it prepped and turned without any interference from me.
Hoping I can ride the “numb” through a couple of months. Then I can break down and sob for a few weeks. But she would kill me if I just gave up. So I just have to always ask myself “What would she want you to do?”
So far I’ve received word that the Mormons, Baptists, Buddhists and Catholics in town all have her in their prayers. Nothing like coverage!
