My wife is leaving me for another woman...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61

Then what do you call all those connection timeouts? :slight_smile:

Just a little update: I actually did end up going for a walk. Now, admittedly, I probably wouldn’t have done it if I wasn’t out of cigarettes, but I did walk for about forty minutes, so I guess that’s something. Stepping over dead armadillos is definitely one thing I won’t miss about Louisiana.

I bought a pair of processed beef and cheese sticks at the store. I’m eating them now. I know I’ll regret it, but I don’t care.

I don’t feel quite so bad at the moment, but that will change. I get so tired of feeling like I’m making progress and dealing with things, only to watch it slowly slip away again until I eventually feel like one of those poor armadillos. I still go back and forth like this several times a day, and it’s exhausting, to say the least.

(On Preview: Thanks, Priceguy.)

62

At least you’re feeling better now (or at the time of posting anyway). In terms of how you feel, if you’re feeling good then just dwell on that. Don’t dwell too much on how you’ll feel later, and concentrate on how it feels to feel good/better.

And have some more ::hugs:: from a stranger :smiley:

63

You’ll get through this, as impossible as that seems right now. Good luck, and let yourself feel the pain.

64

You’ll get through this, as impossible as that seems right now. Good luck, and let yourself feel the pain. The sun also rises.

65

Thanks again, Sierra, and thank you, too, for popping in, Meursault (eight posts in ten months? Pick up the pace, man! :smiley: ).

So, I guess I’ll offer up a little update for anyone still reading this thread.

The last couple days have felt really strange. I’m still bouncing back and forth. The bad times have been hellish and hopeless, but during some of the good times, I’ve felt more alive than I have in years! I was really shocked by that. Going outside during the silent dawn hours and pulling that sweet morning air through my nostrils, I was practically overcome by emotions I’d thought I lost forever.

I got some, uh, legal herbs yesterday from a FOAWF (friend of a wife’s friend) that’d I’d never met before. Right away I could tell that the guy had buried his head in more than his fair share of books over the years, and was eager to share his knowledge. We ended up having a great conversation, and I barely felt self-conscious at all. That’s so rare for me, it’s almost unheard of - especially with someone I just met. Crazy stuff.

I still can’t seem to get interested in anything, even during the good times, and I still eat practically nothing, but at least I can often listen to music. Sometimes even happy stuff. Right now, I’m listening to “The Sunnyside of the Street” by the Pogues.

Damn, I guess I’ve mentioned more songs in this thread than a teenager’s LiveJournal (Mood: weird :confused: ), but music really does help.

Last night was pretty bad. I started feeling weak and feverish, along with the painfully scratchy beginnings of a sore throat. I ended up laying on the couch unable to sleep for hours and hours as the sickness set in, and tortured myself with thoughts of what my wife must have been up to as she spent the night with her lover.

She ended up getting home early and making me some Theraflu. Between that, the Xanax, and the herbs, I’m currently feeling pretty optimistic. And the Theraflu seems to have done a good job supressing the symptoms of whatever I’m coming down with.

Hopefully, I’ll be able to fall asleep sometime this morning. I know everything will probably suck again when I wake up, but I’ll wait until then to worry about that.

66

Neuron star, I’m still here, still listening. I’m really happy to hear that you’ve been having some highs amongst the lows. :slight_smile: There’s nothing much I can say to help, but I care about how you’re doing. Keep us posted, and I hope things keep getting better.

67

Thanks. :slight_smile:

It still helps to talk (or type) about things, even if my brain is so scrambled that some of the sentences in this post will end up taking me five minutes to get straight in my head before I can type them out. Actually, that makes it even better, because it kills time, and time is my greatest enemy at the moment. Hell, I actually shower more now than I did before this happened, simply because I know it’s a guaranteed way to use up twenty minutes.

I took a little swig of nighttime cough syrup and another Xanax around noon today, which finally got me to sleep. I was even able to sleep through the half-dozen calls and messages from Farrah’s (other, platonic, way-too-fucking-talkative) friend. I was able to get a good nine hours of blissful unconsciousness.

I had been hoping Farrah would spend the night with me, especially with me feeling sick, but she had already told me that she wanted to go out with the talkative friend for a while.

When I woke up, she wasn’t here. I called and found out that she had dropped her friend off hours ago and was now planning to spend most of the night with her girlfriend. She said it “just came up,” but, of course, it feels more like a premeditated lie of omission to me.

I mean, I guess it doesn’t really matter, and she’s already doing me a favor even spending any time with me. It’s just that a lot of our coversations have been on unrelated matters, distractions, and they’ve been good talks. She’s the best friend I’ve ever had, and these are likely among the last times I’ll ever see her. I want every minute I can get.

At my best, I can even emotionally detach myself enough for her to tell me about her new partner, and their plans. She plans to live here for a little while after I leave instead of moving right in with her lover, as originally planned. That sounds a bit more sensible.

I was also treated to the following odd facts about the new girl:
[ul]
[li]She loves any kind of (presumably legal) pornography she can get her hands on, including gay male videos.[/li][li]She can achieve orgasm up to ten times in the space of a few minutes.[/li][li]She refuses to ever (ever!) use any bad language at all, but loves how my wife swears like a sailor.[/li][li]She is the former member of a really creepy, incredibly insular little church. When the head of the church got wind of this whole mess, he called up her hurting husband to let him know that the breakup of his marriage was God’s punishment for leaving the church.[/ul] [/li]
I do kind of wish I didn’t know the details of my wife’s new sex life, because they invariably end up fodder for mental torture. The urge to ask is so overwhelming, though. It’s weird. But then, everything is pretty weird these days.

I still can’t do much other than listen to music, and that’s what I’m doing now. God, Freddie Mercury had a beautiful voice…

68

Sorry to hear this Neutron Star. Chronic depression is a horrible horrible thing to suffer from. A disease that makes you unhappy all the time. It’s almost like some kind of unfunny cosmic joke.

I wish I could offer advice but I have none. Good luck though…

69

OK, why the fuck does she tell you those things? You don’t want to know. Why would she want you to know? She sounds seriously fucked-up if she doesn’t get that you simply don’t share those things with your ex. Jeez. Tell her to fuck off.

70

My sentiments exactly. Why would she tell you that stuff? Even if you do feel the urge to ask, which I can sort of understand.

Hoping you’re holding up all right, neutron star. What part of Louisiana are you in, roughly? (I’m in Lake Charles myself.) I can’t offer much help, I don’t think, but I’m both sympathetic and kind of nosy.

71

No, it’s not like that. Actually, reading over my post, I can see how you’d get the impression that it was, and I apologize for not being more clear.

She doesn’t really want to tell me about the sex (and the ten orgasms weren’t with her). She thinks it’s not something I should be hearing - not because she’s uncomfortable talking to me about it, but because of its effect on me. But I usually manage to wring an answer out of her because she can see that not knowing bothers me more.

I can’t explain what kind of screwed-up emotions could make me want to ask those questions over and over, but this is all me, and I can’t ascribe any blame to her for answering.

Yup, and every time you think the comedy routine has reached its nadir, things manage to get even less funny.

I’d appreciate a sympathetic ear. It’s so strange how much I feel like talking the last few days, after so many years of it being hard to even want to expend the effort. I’m in Lafayette. My email’s in my profile if you want to talk.

72

neutron, I’ve come in late to this thread, but I do want you to know I care. Please email me if you want; I do understand depression and heartbreak also, not in the same way you do I’m sure, but in a way that is immediate and sharply bittersweet. My email is in my profile and I do write back. Keep doing what you need to do and lean on anyone that’s supportive.

73

Thank you, ggurl. :slight_smile:

And thanks again to everyone who responded to this thread. Even the shortest responses have helped more than you guys will ever know. You’ve all been so incredibly supportive and so great for my sanity, and every single piece of advice has been terrific. I mean all of it. You’d think at least one person would stumble in and say something like “Dude, that sucks. You need to get laid!,” but no; it’s all been great.

Posts and emails have consumed many hours that would have otherwise been spent laying listlessly on the couch, staring at the clock for no real reason, and sinking deeper and deeper into that pit.

There are still a lot of very bad times, and my brain is still so scrambled that it actually took me something like ninety minutes to compose this little post, but it’s not all darkness, and you guys have helped me feel a little less alone through the hell.

If there was a smilie for profound gratitude, it would go here.

74

neutron star, if I may offer a bit of unsolicited advice that I hated to hear a mere two months ago, but turned out to make things easier; it may be time to start thinking about implementing the Dead to Me program.

I know this isn’t really possible until one or the other of you moves out, but the theory behind it is to cut all ties to the person as if they were dead. That gives you time and reason to mourn the relationship and the loss of the future you were expecting, without making a bad ending worse. It involves cutting all ties for now, so you put away all of the things that remind you of her and spend the time taking care of yourself.

It’s inconceivable to do at first, when your heart is all, “but I want to remember how it was,” but it gives your heart time to heal. You’re not throwing away all that you had together, you’re just giving yourself space to accept it. That means no calling, no writing, and no contact for a while.

I went through two months of dragging-on hope before he cut the ties completely, and after a month of that, I have to say that I feel better for having the bandage yanked off. I didn’t think I would, but I do. Of course, we need not mention that I’m not all that good at it, and still have his pictures up in my house, but they don’t tear my heart out when I look at them like they used to.

Your mileage may of course vary, and I thought my friends were nuts for suggesting it myself, but they turned out to be right. It’s something you can’t see until you’re a little bit beyond it.

75

Thanks, Cowgirl. You’re right that it hurts to hear now, but it may end up being the best thing for me in the long run. I’ll definitely take your advice into serious consideration.

76

Yeah, I know it hurts. It’s taken me three months to even consider it myself. I didn’t believe that time would help either, but it seems to have at least taken the edge off. I don’t expect to ever completely get over it; the trick is just relearning to live anyway.

Hang in there.