No.
This is the greatest metaphor in the history of language.
Just came in to offer a possible explanation for the panties: One of pool’s buddies at work put them in a jacket pocket as a joke, and they fell out in the wash.
Hey, it could happen! At least, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
And it’s a logical explanation, if pool needs one, and it sounds like he does.
I was gonna suggest that maybe he grabbed someone else’s shirt or jacket by mistake (assuming he’s wearing military garb at work), but I think shirts and jackets have names on them. So maybe the panties were put in a pants pocket?
Well, anecdotally, the proof is in the puddin’. I read someplace, “men invented the game of chicken, not women.” Males of other species are also more likely to engage in high speed bang ups than females.
It would make an interesting topic of another thread. There doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of study into it. If you’re an aging male interested in testosterone therapy, there are plenty of studies telling you your testosterone decreases with age, blah, blah.
I’ve read that an individual male’s T levels can vary by 50% from morning to night, but what is considered “normal level” for men varies widely, by at least 350% among males. Males’ T levels also fluctuate seasonally. Some studies indicate that the most violent prisoners have higher levels than non-violent offenders. I read about one study of women that indicated increased T levels led to a decrease in their ability to read social clues like an angry facial expression, leading to increased asocial behavior.
Anyhoo, I was googling around trying to find some numbers on how much womens’ hormones fluctuate monthly and during pregnancy, but I can’t find diddly, other than they do. HCG goes way up during pregnancy but then again dieters and body builders shoot the stuff up. OTOH, people shoot up testosterone too and don’t go on murder sprees.
I was AClockworkMelon’s girlfriend for a few moments, but that’s before he realized I’m a dude.
I filled out an application but got rejected for being a man, or a hippy, or something.
It’s the only explanation I can come up with for some of the completely ludicrous stuff guys do to impress women. It also seems to play a large role in machismo and the dumb stuff we do to each other. As one of the characters in one of my favorite sci-fi books says “Who knows why the soft ones fight among themselves? Food? Territory? This peculiar drive involving reproduction? All of it is meaningless as all those objectives could be better achieved by cooperation instead of conflict, but they do it anyway.”
Enjoy,
Steven
Since pool never got back to us with possible answers to the panty mystery, I’m going with the obvious: he likes to jack off into women’s underwear.
If he would only admit it, there would be no more problem.
BUT(t) what kiiiind of paaanties?
Whitey tightey’s?
Bikini?
Thong?
Boy Cut?
Granny Panties?
or Thar She Blows?
I personally know a girl who planted a pair of lacy underwear underneath the seat of her boyfriend’s pick-up truck so that she could find them. Her ultimate goal was to elicit an engagement ring. It worked, but not for long. They broke up soon after their engagement. We were all very happy about it, because he was a really nice guy.
Some people are addicted to drama and they will create it if doesn’t land in their lap.
The OPer said that his wife is constantly saying that his wife accuses him of infidelity. In another post, he says things were great when they got pregnant. So, I’m wondering if it’s just a temporary thing or if his wife is one who seeks drama.
I’m a woman. Even worse, I’m a pregnant woman.
I agree with you.
I know hormone levels change, drastically at first, but I’ve known some women who take this excuse to extremes and it’s ridiculous. I have also noticed that the chicks I know who are the biggest assholes during pregnancy are just assholes in general anyway. Being pregnant might make you cry during that stupid Oreo commercial where the kid and the dad are video chatting and eating cookies together while the dad is away (not me… a friend of a friend…), but I have a hard time believing that hormones will make a woman treat people like shit if she wouldn’t otherwise.
I related this story to my SO and he says I’m not allowed on the internet anymore. 
I can’t decide if it’s more ridiculous that she did that or that it actually worked, even if only temporarily.
It WORKED?! How? I mean…I’m flabbergasted that he’d react to a mystery pair of panties that he KNEW he didn’t plant with “I wanna marry you” even for a little while. Weird.
I wonder if pool has checked his wife’s underwear drawer to see if he can find his brother-in-law’s diary …
Once upon a time, I had a tee shirt form Tikal, Guatemala turn up in my dresser. I was in my teens, living at home, and mom did the laundry. I’ve never been to Tikal, nor has anyone in our family or among our friends. No one would admit to owning the shirt or putting it in my dresser. I wore it around for a while, fully expecting someone to pipe up and claim it, but no one ever did. After a couple years, it disappeared.
It was a white tee shirt, women’s small, with a graphic of the tall temple pyramid surrounded by jungle, and the words, “Welcome to Tikal, Guatemala!” on it. I figure it’s visa was up and it went back home. If you find it in your laundry some day, tell it I said hi.
This. I’m 7 months along and starting crying listening to 'Teenage Dirtbag" on the way to work last week. I wish I was lying.
However, I’m no more of an asshole than I ever was. Which is not to say that I have no asshole properties - I certainly do; however, I’ve never accused my husband of cheating or planted gaunch in the laundry to start a fight with him. That’s just lame.
Its the same reason people plead guilty to a lessor charge to the DA when charged with a serious crime…
They KNOW they arent guilty, but it doesnt look good and they are just trying to keep their ass outa the fire as best they can.
ETA - Jeez - I forgot to say anything to the OP!! The 'Brain-as-Doorstop" part of pregnancy is totally true, sadly.
OP - if the ginch are truly not yours and you’re not cheating I would still try to be a bit easy on your wife. My husband is an electrician and every time he leaves for work I have a little mini panic thinking about him getting electrocuted at work, or crushed by a beam, or attacked by a bear (his current job site is in a wilderness area). He would be really upset if I told him that - he doesn’t want me worrying about him at work and he needs to work. I would be beside myself if he was going to Iraq and probably acting like a fool too. I’m sorry for you, but I echo the other posters who say get some counseling now - I hope everything works out ok.
My friend had a nice shirt on the other night and I complimented her on it. She says she pulled it out of the closet saying “I’ve never seen this before” Her husband replied “I gave it to you for Christmas”
Can the wife be sure these aren’t her knickers - we need more details.