My wife thinks I'm cheating on her.

So my wife calls me from work and tells me she found some panties in the laundry that aren’t hers, the obvious conclusion of course is that I’m cheating on her. Now I’m not the dumbest guy in the world, if i was going to cheat with someone I certainly wouldn’t do their dirty laundry at my house. I have no idea where these panties came from so my vehement protests are not taken very seriously. Honestly I’m bored with this and i can’t muster up much energy to even deal with it. My wife constantly accuses me of cheating on her no matter what I’m doing, it really is getting to be a drag. My wife is pregnant and I’m in the army and deploying in a few months to Iraq, all this drama is really the last thing that I need right now. I’m sick of the silent treatment that inevitably results in a big fight and then right back to the silent treatment again. I’m really beginning to consider a divorce, because this is just too much emotional strain to deal with, especially once I deploy and I’ll really need to focus on my job and not my personal life.

Yeah, cause with a baby on the way, focusing on your job is SOOOO much more important, particularly since you’re deploying and leaving her to deal with it on her own.

Honestly, even if you’re not cheating on her, you’re no prize.

Sorry to hear about your personal troubles, and please be very careful in Iraq.

Your wife calls you from work? She’s doing the laundry at home, right?

Sorry I worded that wrong, My wife called me at work.

Maybe a sad truth but yes I will have to focus more on my job than my family when I’m deployed. She will have to deal with a lot on her own, but this was a planned pregnancy and she knew I would be deployed. It isn’t like I’m neglectful, I’m really excited about having a baby. I try to be as helpful to her as she’ll let me be, but lately she won’t even speak to me. She says things to me like “I’m going to divorce you and never let you see your kid”, its almost gotten to the point where I like being at work more than at home and dread the feeling when the workday ends.

It sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do. It took my wife 10 years.

If you’re talking about him focusing on his job once deployed, I don’t have a problem with that. Focusing on the job is totally necessary. It’s called compartmentalizing, and if you lack the ability to do it, or you simply don’t, it tends to get people in trouble. You’re in a war zone. You need to be thinking about your job–how to keep your men safe, keep yourself safe, and accomplish your mission. You need to keep your distractions to a minimum.

Now, until he deploys, he’s going to have a hard time in that yeah, he needs to be paying a boatload of attention to his wife.

ETA: pool, you’ll be lucky if this marriage lasts through your deployment. I strongly encourage counseling for the both of you before you deploy.

Honestly, you’re acting like a bitch.

Sorry to hear what you’re dealing with man, I previously had the same trouble. She ended up leaving me, though, and I hadn’t ever cheated on her. It was just stupid.

Has she always been like this or just since she got pregnant? I ask because some women get nuts from the pregnancy hormones. Fortunately, of course, it’s a temporary situation. So maybe there is hope?

Yeah you are so right Gleena he should either go AWOL or when he gets to Iraq not pay attention to his job and get himself or his buddies killed.:rolleyes:
Assuming that he was in the Army when the wife got preggers, she knew that he could be deployed going in. It is not like the big green machine gives you a choice when the time comes to deploy.
Read for detail, he said “Once I deploy”

You know she could be scared about handling the baby on her own while you’re gone or if something happens to you and she may be arguing with you and accusing you of things to distance herself and spare herself some hurt. Being pregnant may not be helping her emotional state.

This happened at my house once. My BF did his laundry in the apartment laundromat, and when I was folding, i found purple panties (larger than my size). I confronted him, and he was completely confused. He figured it must have already been in he washer or dryer when he put his clothes in.

I totally believed it since he just doesn’t have enough game for two ladies at once, or I am the biggest chump ever. Either way, we have been living happily ever after.

Good luck to you and your wife although the constant suspicion has to be a bummer. Please stay safe!

You have a lousy relationship with your wife, so you plan and execute a pregnancy, while knowing that you’re going to be deployed to Iraq while the baby is extremely young? How do I say this delicately - are you going out of your way to make terrible decisions?

Hey pool, just wanted to say thank you for being willing to do such a dangerous job. Please stay safe.

My wife has been pregnant almost 4 months now, we did not start out with a lousy relationship and then decide to get pregnant. We had a great relationship and decided to get pregnant. It also took a while to conceive because she had to have her birth control device removed, so its not like this is something that happened suddenly, this was planned out. I wish I wasn’t going to be deployed while the baby is so young, but it really wasn’t a rash decision, it was planned. My wife and I are both from where I am stationed and she has the support system of all her friends and family and mine as well. I know it will still be difficult with me not being there but she won’t be completely alone with no help and financially she will be taken care of so it isn’t really as bad as it possibly sounds.

Yeah, when you’re deployed. Which you aren’t yet. Of course you have to focus on your job when you’re deployed.

Was an Army wife myself for a decade. Had a kid during that time, with my husband deployed in Iraq Mark I. (Ex now, but not because of that.) Been here and done this.

Might be acting like a bitch as the kid downstream said, but seriously, she finds underwear (not her own) in the wash, is pregnant, gets upset about it and that’s a bad thing? Awesome.

He’s not being deployed for a few months, he’s “bored with this” and has a baby on the way…yeah, ok. Sorry, my bad, you’re awesome dude rock on. :rolleyes:

And be careful over there, regardless of what happens.

I understand how it looks but there are so many possibilities other than me cheating, maybe its one of her sisters’ underwear I don’t know and thats what I hate is there is really no way for me to disprove any accusations.

I’m not bored with our marriage or having a kid I’m bored with the fact that I have to deal with these accusations every day and there is really no way for me to prove my innocence. It comes down to trust and she obviously doesn’t trust me. I don’t want to spend our last few months together like this I want to enjoy them and make them count. I don’t want a divorce at all but at the same time I don’t want to stay married to somebody that thinks I’m cheating on them and won’t give me the benefit of the doubt. I hope we can resolve this soon because I want to move past it.

Seconded. This is very typical hormonal behavior, especially in the first trimester. It should clear up any week now.

OK, but look at it from her point of view. There is a pair of unexplained women’s underwear in your wash at home. What is she expected to think? One of the limited number of reasons is that you have had another women over. It may not be true, but it’s not an unrealistic conclusion to draw. She’s not trusting you on this because she believes she has visible evidence, at a time when she’s feeling particularly vulnerable (newly pregnant, probably not feeling very hot or sexy, and about to lose you overseas).

Now, what can you do to help reassure her that that’s not the case?

If she’s anything like I was, she’s hormonal as hell and terrified you’re about to go away and get killed and then what will happen to her and more importantly, what will happen to your child? And I’d bet she’s miles away from family, though you didn’t say. That’s usually how it is in the military.

That’d make me all possessive and jealous and weird, for sure. In fact, it did. I didn’t go the way of thinking he was cheating on me, I just had an obsessive need to spend every minute of time with him. That got old for him, which I understand NOW, but at 7 months preggers and shit-scared, I didn’t get it at all.

People who are frightened do weird things.

Plus, you have to admit if you’re living on base (and no idea if you are) that this sort of shit goes on All. The. Time. At least it did when I was around, years n years n years ago.

Maybe chat with your Chaplain or something?

I just can’t get over another woman’s underpants mysteriously taking nest in your laundry, but that’s just me. The bored with it all comment makes you look like an ass, even though you clarified it.

Doesn’t matter. Like I said, be safe over there, when you go.

Yeah, I use a shared laundry area in an apartment complex too and it’s amazing how many casually abandoned panties I find lying around in and around the machines. It’s always fun when that happens. :smiley: