A few months back, we were lying in bed (not after sex or anything) and I said something. She replied " You sound just like my Jason". She did have a real estate client at that time named Jason, and since, she has admitted to me that she “got closer to him than she should’ve”. I asked her if she kissed him, she said no. I asked her if she had sex with him, she said no. We have been going to counseling to seee if we could work it out. She told the counselor (in an individual session) that she had not, and would not, cheat on me.
So I read this email tonight (text follows):
Hi (Name Deleted),
What happened to the text? All I got was the subject line. Anyway, they have wireless in the main lodge. I’m supposed to be submitting my orders for next month (and I will…eventually). This has by far been one of the most difficult vacations I’ve ever been on. It’s been great spending time with the boys, but it’s hard not being able to talk to you several times a day. I’d be awesome to have you here.
I hope you read this soon so at least you’ll know that I’m thinking of you…as always. I’ll try to check it later; I forgot to mention that the main lodge is about a mile from the cabin I’m in. So I’ll need an excuse to grab the laptop and come back up here. Well, I guess I should be heading back. I miss you so much. Can’t wait to talk…and see you.
xoxo,
Fly Boy
This email has the first and last name whom this is from in the header.
She went to “Vegas” a few weeks ago. I put Vegas in quotes because “supposedly” she had a real estate conference in Phoenix…Credit card bill says 4 nights at the Luxor… Maybe she met “Fly Boy” there? Now she tells me she has to fly to Texas with her friends’ son to Texas in early January. It seems to me that something might be going on…duh?
If you are questioning why I read her email… I set up her email address, I run her website, I help run her business. I just happened across this one. I’m guessing she usually deletes the ones I’m not supposed to see. (I only check her email once a week- to see if there are any technical issues with the site, etc. This is with her permission.)
I would say that you already have your answer dear. Maybe you are just looking for confirmation, but that email is certainly damning.
My first inclination would be to confront her, with a copy of the email in hand. You might not get answers that you will like, but I don’t think you really want to stay in the dark about this sort of thing. I doubt you would be able to simply ignore the situation anyway. Talk to your counselor one on one if you really need advise. While a lot of the people here can and will give advise freely, it seems that consulting the expert you are already paying might be a good step to take.
I’m sorry you have to deal with this at this time of the year.
Don’t confront her yet. Print out that email and lock it away somewhere. Some states have divorce laws that frown mightily upon the cheating spouse. If Ohio has laws like that you’re gonna want proof that she’s cheating and maybe not get financially screwed over as much. Get your phone records, too. (Does she have a cell phone?)
I’d lay low and hire a private investigator to follow her to Texas and get some photographic proof before letting her know she’s busted.
This totally sucks and I’m sorry this is happening to you, but at this point you need to start protecting yourself in case you do decide to kick her ass out. Keep your head, gather the evidence and do what you gotta do. Let this other guy support her sorry ass, not you.
What I would suggest depends on what you want. If you are ready for the marriage to end, then hire a private investigator, tap her phones, whatever. If you discover something, you’ve proved that she can’t be trusted. If you find nothing, you proven that you can’t be trusted.
But keep in mind that there is the possibility of some innocent explanation. If you want things to stay together if there is nothing going on, or if you want to fix things even if it is an affair, then confront her now. Tell her you need to talk to her and you need her to be completely honest. (You need to be too). Tell her you found the email, and you don’t know how to trust her. Try not to let it devolve into a yelling match.
You’re in a crappy situation, but how you decide to act now will have huge impacts on your future.
I was in a similar position a couple of years back (my then-wife cheated with another woman, which added complications) and I was never sure until I read a text-message which pretty much confirmed everything I’d suspected.
You know. You were suspicious, and now you’ve found some evidence. As Jaade says, you need to confront her with the evidence and take it from there. It will be hard, but believe me it’s better than the constant nagging on your mind about what’s happening and why.
The other bit of advice I’d give is to find someone to talk to in RL, confidentially if you want. I screwed up by feeling ashamed that my relationship was failing and so not wanting to admit it to anyone. You are not at fault here and people will support you.
Let’s not go too far with this just yet. If your wife is admitting that “she got closer to him than she should’ve” than this may be just a case of fly boy trying to manipulate her into a situation that she doesn’t know how to deal with. It’s entirely possible that everything is on the up and up and that she’s trying to get out of a potentially embarrassing situation without you getting hurt. Before I damned her too much, I’d be more comfortable seeing any e-mails that she sent to him to see if she’s returning anything that fly boy is offerring.
Regardless, the two of you need to sit down and have a long, hard talk about this ASAP before either one of you misinterprets what you think you’re reading and bad decisions are made all around.
There’s nothing there that specifically talks about her having a physical relationship with him, but it does sound as though she is developing emotional attachments to other people. (Is Flyboy a different person than Jason?) How long have you two been married? Any children? How are things in your marriage otherwise?
The following post is my opinion only, it does not express the beliefs or opinions of any other person real or fictional.
I think you need to talk to her, having said that …
I also think you need evidence in hand. For myself and from many, many people whose stories I have read over the years far too often when there have been questions asked, the askee has stuck to the 3 D’s. Deny, Deny, Deny. Get angry at even being asked such a question and deny. Deny often, deny somemore and did I say deny ? Not everyone will but many do. The saddest part is that later, 99 percent of the askers found out that what they feared was true.
Even if there is no sex, kissing or whatever going on there seems to be an unhealthy (IMHO) emotional attachment going on.
Ayesha’s sig reminded me to throw this advice out there: Get Tested for STD’s. If you think she’s cheating on you with one (or possible two) other people, a trip to the Dr.'s or a clinic to ensure your health is muy importante. Good Luck, man, that truly sucks hard.
