If it was her sister’s panties the accusation would be that you’re cheating on her with her sister.
The obvious answer is the relationship is on the fritz and she intentionally found these panties to see if another woman could be the cause.
Focus on you and her, explain that there is no way possible the panties got there because of you. You are not in a good spot right now, the last thing you want is to come back to a divorce and a beautiful child you are only going to be able to see on the weekends.
How do you know their relationship was terrible when they decided to have a baby? And how do you know that having a baby while he’s away is automatically a terrible idea? Yes, it makes things difficult, but it can work out. Of course, I agree that things don’t look so good presently, but, whatever, don’t let me stop you from your line of reasoning. You were doing a great job at kicking the man while he’s down.
My ex-wife once had the shits with me for days. When I finally convinced her to tell me what I had done wrong it turned out that I had had an affair with one of her friends… in one of my wife’s dreams.
To be honest, when I first skimmed the OP (before the clarification that the accusations started after the pregnancy) I was a bit confused about it having been planned too if things were like this between them. On first reading, I initially read it as though the accusations had been going on for quite some time.
If things have only changed since the pregnancy, then I’m wondering if Gleena may be onto something with suggesting that the combination of hormones and being shit-scared that something’s going to happen to you might be significant factors in all of this.
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Turn off the reality TV. ( I’m making some assumptions here.) That stuff is soul cancer.
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She’s pregnant and hormonal. It’s a slipperly slope for some women.
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Ask her mom ( or dad) if Mom went a bit nutzo during this time period.
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She needs face time.
He said he’s not cheating on her!
My wife is going through a gigantic midlife crisis at the age of 32. Sometimes your spouse wigs out and there isn’t a whole lot you can do to fix another human being. Maybe it’s worth riding out, maybe not.
You said she made accusations before she found the underwear. What are the other “clues” that she brought up?
I would also come down on the side of hormonal, worried about deployment and temporary.
One word of advice though, never SAY the word hormonal to a pregnant woman. You’ve just got to suck it up til she gets through it. Apologize a lot, reassure her and be there as much as you can. Once she’s through it she will be completely embarrased and wonder how she could have imagined it all.
The words you are looking for are “Wow - I really overreacted there, and projected a heap-ton of my baggage onto your situation. That was really uncalled for. I apologize.”
You sound very bitter about something. Perhaps you’re not the best person to give this guy advice.
No, I’m kind of stuck on that point too. Is there really some plausible way her sister’s pants could have gotten in there?
Feels like the OP wants out of the relationship from long before more than anything.
Perhaps having the baby wasn’t what you wanted after all and all the ‘stress’ of marriage and future parenting is getting to you.
So you basically focus more on work, and now have a reason to divorce while looking like the good guy (the ‘faithful’ husband with the crazy wife.)
I don’t know the situation but that’s the vibe I get from your posts.
I’m surprised no one has come up with the correct answer yet. Pool, simply assure your wife that the panties don’t belong to another woman - they’re YOURS! 
No, he said that she and he both are from the area he’s stationed in.
Just because you’re preggers and naturally feel the whole world revolves around you and your hormones doesn’t mean the whole world actually does revolve around you.
Speaking of hormones, guys have this stuff called testosterone. Makes guys do all sorts of crazy and it’s on all. the. time. Guys deal with it. Sheesh, women get a surge of hormones once a month or when they’re pregnant and suddenly they’re disabled and need 24 hour care. You only get so much patience and understanding before you and your hormones get old. Time to grow up.
Yes - let’s all give him advice on what you think he should have done 5 months ago, and make assumptions about what he’s not saying. This will surely end well if we continue doing that.
If this behavior is something that only came up when she got pregnant then I would say it isn’t anything to worry about. If she was this way before her body started throwing her for a loop then you probably have a bigger issue to deal with before you deploy. Beyond that though, do you have a private washer and dryer or do you share a laundry room with other people on base? If you share a laundry room the extra panties make sense. When I had to use a public laundromat I ended up with all sorts of stuff that wasn’t mine and lost a couple of socks and a pair of panties myself! If it is a private machine though you are going to have to figure out where the extra panties could have come from and explain it to her before she will be able to calm down. I know it seems like a wild accusation to you right now but what if you found a pair of briefs in the hamper and you only wear boxers? Wouldn’t that freak you out a bit?
never mind. premature post.
OK, so here’s my admittedly ignorant take on this.
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It’s very common for people who are feeling an impending abandonment to subconsciously create a reason to make it just hurry up and happen. My Aunt did this and divorced her husband 3 months before a 9 month Navy deployment. 15 years and two marriages/divorces later they are remarried and blissfully happy. I would think that the pregnancy hormones would make it even more likely to happen.
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It is also common for people who have too much to deal with to subconsciously look for ways to simplify their lives, even if it means giving up the part of that life they like best. Your cavalier attitiude toward divorce may not represent your true feeling or values, it may just be a desperate wish to bring things to a manageable level.
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It is incumbent upon you, as the male, to be the voice of calm and reason during hormonal mood swings, especially through a pregnancy. It is harder than you can possibly imagine, and the world literally looks different from one day to the next. She is terrified, and the feelings she’s having are real regardless of whether the cause is. Hold her. Tell her that you love her. Assure her being faithful to her is an honor, not a chore.
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You two must, must, must, develop a relationship with a counselor before you go. She’s going to need emotional support, and the counselor needs a chance to get to know you before you are gone. He/she can’t help her as well if the only information is what’s coming from her.
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Renew your committment to your marriage. You took a vow, now honor it. This is what everybody meant when they said marriage is work. It’s getting tough? so get going. Pay attention to your woman. Step up your efforts to make sure she’ll be supported and comfortable while you’re gone. Show her that her well being is the most important thing int he world to you.
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Acknowledge that your wife is not crazy. She has a real and tangible item in her hand which does point toward yoru having been unfaithful. Validate her hold on reality, and express compassion for her anguish and confusion for the situation. Examine your previous behavior for any other reasons she may have had to doubt you. Are the panties just the crowning proof?
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If deep down you really are ambivalent toward her, and just want out - admit it and take action. She deserves to build a life for herself and this child based upon honest input. Do not let her sit around while you’re deployed waiting for a man who is just going to come home and reject her.
If any of the above is inaccurate or unhelpful then please disregard it. I’m just making guesses here.