This past Sunday morning, Mrs. Rhymer and I were at Starbucks getting some quality time in, when a very pretty woman walked in. Actually, “very pretty” doesn’t cover it. “Astoundingly lovely” is more like it. If it turns that Aphrodite had spent several years harassing this woman out of jealousy, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised.
Anyway, one element of this woman’s loveliness was her body art. Her back and right arm were covered with a large and intricate tattoo, or series of tattoos, that clearly had taken a lot of time and (it seemed to me) pain. The woman was i her early 40s and had a child, so I am henceforth going to refer to her as TMILF.
Kim was interested in TMILF’s body art, and struck up a conversation with her; it was brief, for obvious reasons, but she got her email address. They’ve been exchanging emails for the past few days, and Mrs. Rhymer has discovered that TMILF is herself a tattoo artist and she designed the tattoo herself; though obviously someone else did the actual application on her, she has done tattoos of that scales on others. Mrs. Rhymer is interested and has drawn some designs. Though TMILF feels Mrs. R has the complexion and muscle tone to pull this off, she has two caveats (or at least two that I’ve been made privy too). One is that, unless my wife is prepared to to the work to maintain her current svelte shape for a long time, such a tattoo is not going to look good in a few years. The second is that if the husband (me) is not on board, my wife might want to reconsider.
So…she’s asked me what I think.
And I’m asking you folks what you think. I’m conflicted in at least four ways.
My objection would be that she’s going to look foolish when she’s old. I don’t think there’s any escaping that fact. I wouldn’t mind if my wife had tattoos now, but I wouldn’t want to be with her when she’s 60 or 70 and still has them.
As someone who is almost out of ink-free skin, I always am puzzled by that particular objection. If someone gains 80 pounds, their body art is only one of many concerns.
I wrote ‘conflicted,’ but I bring that up only to be pedantic. A couple more occurred to me in the last few minutes.
I agree with my wife that the design she drew, done by an appropriately skillful artist, would be beautiful. TMILF’s example is quite proof enough that it can be sexy.
But it would be a lot of tattoos, done over a great deal of time, and that seems to me likely to be very painful. I don’t like the idea of her being in avoidable pain.
Health concerns. TMILF says she is very care about hygiene, maintaining a sterile environment, and so forth, but the sheer volume of tattoos that would be involved here seems to me to increase the risk of something unforeseen and dangerous occurring.
Discretion. Tatttoos make it harder to get certain jobs. Admittedly, my wife has taken this into account; as she envisions the tattoo, it would be invisible whenever she had long a dark-colored, long-sleeved blouse. But what if she wanted to to wear a short-sleeved top at work because it was hot? I’ve known bosses who would not allow that if she were displaying such a tattoo.
Control. Because of the age disparity between us, and my previous history of being a manipulative asshole, and some issues in my wife’s past I won’t go into, I work very hard at not telling her what to do, at not trying to be her daddy. I think she would feel obliged not to get the tattoo if I told her that I was mostly opposed, but that just doesn’t seem fair to me. Her body is her property, not mine. I don’t want her to feel pressured.
That sounds like it could run into a lot of money, for one thing.
I, too, am wondering about your 4 conflicts there.
I am not against tattoos, per se. I have a few. I do not regret them in a deep and abiding sense, particularly as they usually cannot be seen be others. I’m not looking to get them removed or even overly concerned about when I get further along in the aging process.
Still, if I had it to do over, I would not get them again. There’s just no reason to, at least not for me.
When she’s in her 60s and 70s, ALL parts of her body will have aged. Why would an aging tattoo bother you any more than potentially saggy booty and tahtahs? What about wrinkles? What about increase cellulite?
IOW, why does the idea of aging ink bother you more than any other aspect of age?
I’m really not sure how a tattoo is going to age less gracefully than any other portion of her body.
I look at pictures of my self from 20 years ago, and the shirt I was wearing. And I think “that shirt looks kind of stupid. I can’t believe I actually liked that shirt.” And then I think “wow, I’m really glad that I don’t **have to wear something for the rest of my life ** just because I liked it at one time.”
You can toss out that concern. I am a total wimp when it comes to pain. Tattoos are painful, but there is endorphin release that causes the process to be pleasurable as well.
I’ve been through what you’re going through and I want you to say the following to yourself:
The woman I know now will be exactly the SAME after her Tattoo.
Really. That’s what I found. She went on to get a second tattoo and, yup, remained the same person I knew before she got THAT tattoo. It’s just a little coloring. It’s NOT a mindbending lifealtering thing.
I got one after she got her first, I’m happy with it. I did a lot of introspection on what to get for a second tat and decided I didn’t particularly care if I got another one or not. So thusfar, I haven’t.
Health: Fresh tattoo treatment is critical. The methods differ from artist to artist, but you HAVE to treat the area to have everything turn out okay. The parlors I’ve been to spent more time in sterile prepping that most Doctors I’ve been to, a reputable shop will take that seriously.
Grand scheme of things: 1. It’s not that big a deal 2. you mentioned it got yer motor running with TMILF, so it might not be such a bad thing, 3. If you tell her no, that, by itself, may be a black mark against ya. Hold on loosely.
Looking back on our shared history, and on a scale of 1 to 10, I’d put the tattoo incident at about 1.5-2.
edit: And she’ll look precisely as foolish as the other 30% of the population that’s got’em.
An old woman (or an old man, for that matter) with lots of tattoos looks silly to me. Judging from the women in her family, my wife will still be pretty hot when she’s 70, but no 70-year-old woman with a body covered in ink looks good to me. [Note that I said “to me” in each of those sentences.]
I probably should have mentioned that we both have small tattoos we got last year on the honeymoon. Nothing compared to the mural she’s pondering, though.
Unless you had some objection, I wouldn’t see what there would be to be conflicted about. But since you prefer that term, I’ll use it as well.
I don’t see any conflict here.
To some people it is very painful, to others it is not. If she is choosing it, then the pain is hers to bear. You may not like the idea, but it’s not your body.
Always possible. Everything carries risk. I would recommend educating yourself on what the actual risks are and sharing that info with your wife so she can make an informed decision.
As you say, she has taken this into account. If she is working in a job where should would need to always wear a dark, long sleeved top and has no issue doing so then neither should you.
You should be able to share your feelings on a topic without there being pressure. If there is then you have issues beyond this to deal with.
Good. +1 for the tat. Tat’s can be great if done well. Have you seen this artists own work or just the art she has on herself. Just because she has good taste doesn’t mean she is skilled.
Honestly, it doesn’t hurt that much. Get it done in multiple 90 minute sessions. It will take months (maybe more than a year) to finish, but this way the pain really isn’t much of an issue. It’s after you pass that 90 minute mark that people start to hurt bad, and it gets harder to do the work too. (I am not a tattoo artist, but this was actually what me and my tattoo artist were talking about while I was getting my most recent piece worked on.)
Again, don’t get it all done in a single sitting. Take appropriate after care, and make sure the shop is clean (uses an autoclave, disinfects EVERYTHING, etc) before you stat the work.
This is a real issue, and I don’t know enough about your wife’s work to really comment. I can’t/don’t get tattoo’s on my arms at all because of this (though I am contemplating a shoulder tattoo), and always wear an undershit at work. It is something to think about.
Don’t tell her what to do, tell her what you think and be honest. In the end it is her body, her choice, but you have opinions and should be afraid of that. Especially not when she asked you.
Trust me, we take a lot more time choosing a tattoo than we do choosing a shirt, for exactly the reason you highlighted. It’s pretty much for life. I don’t have any clothes I had 15 years ago, but I still love my tattoo.
