As a tribute to the currently raging debate regarding Kodiak bears and samurai swords, how might a myopic samurai of considerable fighting renown who has been transported via the Enterprise 1701-D’s transporters (with 14-piece Ginsu stainless steel knife set AND complimentary faux-wood holder) fare against a full-grown, male wholly mammoth, in a fight to the death?
For clarification, this is not some cheap, knock-off set of GINSU knives. This is the original and authentic set, complete with “Paring knife, Utility knife, Boning knife, Full size Bread knife, 7 inch Santoku knife, Classic Chef’s knife, and because you’re always using them, 6 world famous Ginsu steak knives, PLUS a pair of incredibly handy Ginsu kitchen sheers for chicken, lobster, crab and all your toughest kitchen cutting tasks, PLUS a gorgeous black hardwood knife block to keep them all in. All knives feature a unique double edged blade for precision cutting, are designed for both right and left-handed use, and because they’re Ginsus, they NEVER need sharpening!”
You just know that in such a situation, there’s gonna be one of those oh-so-wacky Transporter Accidents. So, on one side, you’d really have the evil twin of the Samurai from the alternate universe where Japan won WWII. And on the other, the evil twin of a Mammoth from the alternate universe where the hairy beasts rule the whole Alpha Quadrant. However, they rule by peaceful means, as befits their docile herbivorous nature.
It’s a toss up. Depends on whose alternate-universe Romulans are more treacherous.
Or, given the sort of transporter accident evident in the first movie, maybe the distinction that it’s “wholly” mammoth is important. After all, myopia or not, I’d expect the samurai to win against just part of a mammoth; if, say, just one leg came through, or some unidentifiable pile of goo, then Ginsu or not, the samurai wins easily. But if what comes through the transporter is wholly mammoth, then the puny human doesn’t stand a chance.
A true samurai would not fight a mammoth (wholly or cross-breed) to the death. There is no honor in such a fight, and the samurai would not dishonor his weapons like that.
Come dinnertime, though, the samurai would probably use the santoku and chef knives to turn some smaller animal into beef katsu-don. The mammoth is just simply outside the samurai’s training, and he’ll know not to try killing it when there’s easier food running around.
Great Scott! I did write “Whooly Mammoth.” No need to incite a ridiculous debate.
To ensure accuracy and all that is wholly in science, let’s make that: Wooly Mammoth. You know, The dreaded Tundra Mammoth of the North versus a myopic samurai.
This one is easy. The myopic Miyagi would win. Once he cut a can in half and stabbed a bottle cap, the mammoth would be so impressed he’d rush off to order a set for himself in time to also get the extra santoku blade and the Eze Opn food storage set, a $799 value for ONLY $14.50.
I imagine if our Near-sighted Nobuku was to afix the pairing knive to a stick he would have one fine spear, then plunge it through the roof (rhoof?) of the mammoth’s mouth or into it’s eye-socket.
I was with you up to the part about the knives being designed for both right and left-handed use. That’s just crazy talk. There are some problems that technology is not meant to solve.