Myopic Samurai with 14-piece GINSU Knife Set Against Woolly Mammoth

[Nancarrow]

@Carnac the Magnificent!

As a tribute to the currently raging debate regarding Kodiak bears and samurai swords, how might a myopic samurai of considerable fighting renown who has been transported via the Enterprise 1701-D’s transporters (with 14-piece Ginsu stainless steel knife set AND complimentary faux-wood holder) fare against a full-grown, male wholly mammoth, in a fight to the death?

For clarification, this is not some cheap, knock-off set of GINSU knives. This is the original and authentic set, complete with “Paring knife, Utility knife, Boning knife, Full size Bread knife, 7 inch Santoku knife, Classic Chef’s knife, and because you’re always using them, 6 world famous Ginsu steak knives, PLUS a pair of incredibly handy Ginsu kitchen sheers for chicken, lobster, crab and all your toughest kitchen cutting tasks, PLUS a gorgeous black hardwood knife block to keep them all in. All knives feature a unique double edged blade for precision cutting, are designed for both right and left-handed use, and because they’re Ginsus, they NEVER need sharpening!”

Does anyone else see the words I’m seeing, or am I just having some sort of brain hemmorrhage?

[bdgr]

@Scuba_Ben

A true samurai would not fight a mammoth (wholly or cross-breed) to the death. There is no honor in such a fight, and the samurai would not dishonor his weapons like that.
.

What if his master orders him to kill the mammoth?

[carnivorousplant]

@bdgr

What if his master orders him to kill the mammoth?

Or suppose the mammoth called him a dukey butt?

[Lemur866]

@bdgr

What if his master orders him to kill the mammoth?

Simple solution to this seemingly intractable problem, bdgr-san.

The samurai simply kills himself. His death releases his obligation to obey his master, and his weapon is not dishonoured.

[bdgr]

@Lemur866

Simple solution to this seemingly intractable problem, bdgr-san.

The samurai simply kills himself. His death releases his obligation to obey his master, and his weapon is not dishonoured.

You’re telling me that a Samurai would kill himself rather than dishoner a set of Ginsu Knives? Ok…What if the lord ordered him to do so because the Mammoth had insulted him.

[Captain_Amazing]

What if the Mammoth had insulted the Ginsu knives?

[carnivorousplant]

@Lemur866

The samurai simply kills himself. His death releases his obligation to obey his master, and his weapon is not dishonoured.

Hey!
What about my five bucks? Does the Thral-mammoth win by forfit?

[amarone]

14 Knives of Ginsu in a fighting pachyderm’s demise.

So the Samurai wins.

[brewha]

@amarone

14 Knives of Ginsu in a fighting pachyderm’s demise.

So the Samurai wins.

Well played sir!

Now we know the real answer.

[Scuba_Ben]

@bdgr

What if his master orders him to kill the mammoth?

Then it’s no longer a typical duel as described in the OP, but now the samurai carrying out his duty to his daimyo. He will do his best to kill the mammoth, or commit seppuku with the steak knives to atone for his failure to fulfil his orders.

[Der_Trihs]

@lazybratsche

And on the other, the evil twin of a Mammoth from the alternate universe where the hairy beasts rule the whole Alpha Quadrant. However, they rule by peaceful means, as befits their docile herbivorous nature.

No, no - since it’s an evil twin, it would be from a universe where mammoths are carnivores. Picture a mammoth quietly chewing, with a samurai leg sticking out of the corner of it’s mouth. And a samurai helmet hanging off a tusk - I’m getting Far Side vibes from this . . .

[The_Scrivener]

I’m going to go with the samurai, unless he’s so myopic (near-sighted) he’s legally blind. But a little myopia never hurt any samurai in a woolly mammoth fight… what with the carnage being at arm’s length (or closer), and the mammoth being so freakin’ mammoth in size. Your swordsman would be in greater trouble if he was far-sighted or severely astigmatic, methinks.

OTOH, if the bull mammoth’s in his rutting season, the Vegas line is “too close to call”.

[Carnac_the_Magnificent]

Ginsu or not, what if the Samurai is Tom Cruise?

[Chefguy]

@Carnac the Magnificent!

Ginsu or not, what if the Samurai is Tom Cruise?

Carnac, Carnac, Carnac, Carnac: you don’t understand Ginsus. I understand Ginsus.

[carnivorousplant]

@Carnac the Magnificent!

Ginsu or not, what if the Samurai is Tom Cruise?

That coupled with the mammoth being in musth…

[Polycarp]

Of course, if it was indeed an un-wholly mammoth, it could call on Malevolent Demonic Forces in the best manga manner.

What if it were an Imperial Mammoth – no long hair, but substantially larger*?

• 14 feet at the shoulder and likewise at the hip, and everyone knew you didn’t give no lip to Big Mammoth

[Carnac_the_Magnificent]

@Polycarp

• 14 feet at the shoulder and likewise at the hip, and everyone knew you didn’t give no lip to Big Mammoth

The Big Mammoth (BM for short) sounds a lot like bad, bad Leroy Brown, half-brother of Big Bad Leroy Brown, baddest man in the whole damn town. Badder than old King Kong, meaner than a junkyard dog. He reportedly lives on the south side of Chicago, where all the downtown ladies call him “Treetop Lover” and all the mens just call him “sir.”

He is said to carry a 14-piece GINSU knife set.

[Carnac_the_Magnificent]

@Carnac the Magnificent!

Let’s try that again… :rolleyes:

The Big Mammoth (BM for short) sounds a lot like bad, bad Leroy Brown, baddest man in the whole damn town. Badder than old King Kong, meaner than a junkyard dog. He reportedly lives on the south side of Chicago, where all the downtown ladies call him “Treetop Lover” and all the mens just call him “sir.”

He is said to carry a 14-piece GINSU knife set.

[Carnac_the_Magnificent]

Actually–groan!–that was supposed to read:

The Big Mammoth (BM for short) sounds a lot like Big Bad Leroy Brown, baddest man in the whole damn town. Badder than old King Kong, meaner than a junkyard dog. He reportedly lives on the south side of Chicago, where all the downtown ladies call him “Treetop Lover” and all the mens just call him “sir.”

He is said to carry a 14-piece GINSU knife set.
:smack:

[BMalion]

@Carnac the Magnificent!

Actually–groan!–that was supposed to read:

The Big Mammoth (BM for short) sounds a lot like Big Bad Leroy Brown, baddest man in the whole damn town. Badder than old King Kong, meaner than a junkyard dog. He reportedly lives on the south side of Chicago, where all the downtown ladies call him “Treetop Lover” and all the mens just call him “sir.”

He is said to carry a 14-piece GINSU knife set.
:smack:

'kay.