As tragic as this situation is, I can’t help thinking that maybe it’s for the best. If Megan was depressed since third grade (and five years is a LONG time for a child), and she was never given the medication or the psychological tools necessary to build her self-esteem and improve her appearance…what chance does she have as an adult? Seems like she probably saved her parents tens of thousands of dollars in therapy bills, not to mention the taxpayer burden.
If I were to point the finger at anyone, it would be Megan’s parents. Not to suggest they caused her problems, but they certainly appear indifferent to her psychological needs.
Um, excuse me? As someone who was repeatedly diagnosed as depressed during childhood - fourth grade, sixth grade, eleventh grade - and was always severely overwieght and unpopular, WHAT THE FUCK? Ya know, kids grow up and acquire new skills. Some of us become successful biologists with good friends and a 16-plus year stable, rewarding relationship. All with maybe a dozen counseling sessions over the years and no medication whatsoever - just getting out of the hell that is school worked fine, thanks.
From the article linked in the OP, it seems like she was given medication, and was in counselling for years. She was also improving her self-esteem and appearance - she had lost weight and joined the volleyball team.
As someone who was depressed as a kid and does take medication for depression- KGS, you’re full of it. Either that or I’m entitled to a refund on those tens of thousands of dollars I’ve paid in taxes since I grew up and got a job, since I’m supposed to be a tax burden rather than a taxpayer :dubious:
Does “having a MySpace” really equal “trying to be popular”? Some kids get told that the reason they get picked on is because they stay on the fringes, thereby making targets of themselves. They get told to get out and socialize. Then they get harassed more, and withdraw more, and again they get told to roll with the punches. Perhaps Megan thought of having a MySpace as being “normal,” not “popular.” Perhaps she was trying to fit in, not be a star. By all means, let’s tell kids what their role is and make sure they stick to it.
And besides, where is this information coming from? Her parents? If so, I’d take that with quite a few grains of salt. Parents naturally want to paint their children in a flattering light – focus on the good things, cover up the bad stuff. Sometimes they’ll make shit up out of whole cloth, just to prevent the guilt that every parent feels when their child winds up in a painful situation. Trust me, I know this from experience.
Bullies don’t target others randomly. They prey on the weak and helpless, particularly kids with low self-esteem. If Megan were a truly healthy person, this never would have happened…or at least, it wouldn’t have happened to her. “Josh” and his allies would have targeted someone else.
No, just rational. Unlike others, I don’t let emotions color my perception of the truth.
And I’ve said in another thread that I believe bullying is a problem for the bullies themselves, not just their targets. I don’t follow your logic that being “weak and helpless” justifies being bullied. It’s better all around for bullies to find a better way to build themselves up. For one thing, it’s not unheard of for an elementary-school thug to become a target or pariah hirself in high school.
And why was her self-esteem low? Probably because of kids picking on her.
Kids tend to pick on people who are different in some way. Maybe they’re fat, maybe they’re a different ethnicity, maybe they’re poor and don’t have brand-name clothes, whatever. At that age, most kids aren’t mature enough to go “They’re dickheads, might as well ignore them.” So they respond to the teasing, which just makes the bullies go after them harder. And then other kids will join in, because they don’t want to be bullied either. It’s not about being weak, it’s about being different.
So here we have a young girl at a vulnerable age who’s generally ostracized, who’s finally found someone who will talk to her, and then that person starts telling her what a horrible person she is. Even the strongest person would crumble a little at that. You can take your hat and stuff it in your ear for all I care–it might fill that void in your head. Kids are mean, particularly at the age she was, which is what made her vulnerable in the first place. Harassing her like that was kind of like handing a recovering alcoholic a case of beer and expecting him not to drink it.
Stories like this are why I hate it when people talk about being bullies as “building character” and “part of growing up”. I still consider myself lucky that I made it through my experiences alive.
Well I was bullied quite a bit. And they don’t just target the weak the frequently target the kids they percive to be better than they (the bully) are. They pick on the smart kids. And no, if you give your bully a bloody nose, he doesn’t always stop.
So, because she was fat, bullied and had some emotional problems she is better off dead.
Do you have kids? (I pity them if you do) If they didn’t measure up would you take them to the woods and abandom them?
You are not being rational. A rational person would not think this of a child.
Well, I can only speak for my own experience. I used to get picked on a lot in school, and by “a lot” I don’t mean the type of mild bullying that every child experiences. We’re talking complete ostracization, bottom of the food chain, the type of harassment that leads some kids to pick up a gun and “pull a Columbine”, to use a common phrase. The teachers & counselors did nothing to stop it, and my own parents told me that I deserved it, because as a Christian I had no right to stand up for myself or do anything at all except turn the other cheek.
Finally, I just had enough. I punched a bully in the face and told him in no uncertain terms to KNOCK IT OFF or I’d hit him again. Whaddaya know, it worked. Sure, they kept making snide remarks behind my back, but they never hit me again. I just ignored them, and eventually they just went away. Who knows, maybe I got lucky.
Still, sometimes I wonder why I even bothered. Childhood is rough, but adult life is even rougher. Sometimes I think it would’ve been better for everyone if I had jumped in front of a school bus, like I often fantasized about. Except, at the time, I didn’t have the self-control to do even that. It sure would’ve been a lot less expensive for everyone involved, in the long run. (Except for the psychiatric industry – they sure made fucking fortune off of me!)
I don’t have kids, nor do I ever plan to. I know how my parents reacted when I turned out just like them, and I’d rather not find that out about myself. Besides, I think this whole two-parent system of child-rearing (the so-called “nuclear family”) is inherently dysfunctional, and most of the problems of society can be traced back to exactly that. Sometimes parents can be a healthy influence on their children, but it’s extremely rare. (Not that I’m suggesting we should go back to living in caves or anything…)
Wow. Sorry to hear that. If you’re still in that much pain, please get help. But if you are, then you’re not really coming from a place of rationality, are you?
I was kicked around in school too, but my life now is great. Not that I don’t hit some rough spots occasionally, but I’ve made peace with my past. I hope you can do the same.
So I just spoke with my sister about this situation and the cases she has seen, including her previous comment.
Hmm, I’m trying to pose this in a way that won’t have people see red.
Basically her statement was that a lot of girls she sees who seem to go out of their way to be gluttons for punishment, have, as I stated above, very bad coping/defense mechanisms for getting through the gauntlet that high school can become. However, she chalked a lot of the actual instances of doing something that is potentially disastrous (in terms of ridicule) up to environmental factors. Some common trends she says she sees are
a) That the girls don’t have nurturing relationships with their families or support at home
b) That the glutton-for-punishment behaviour often results because the types of activities that they’re (from an outsider’s POV) trying out for are the types that are emphasised in the home-like cheerleading/sports. That the parents emphasise having skills in these areas, may put down the child’s other talents, and the child responds by attempting to excel in them for parental approval.
c) Socioeconomic class: I’m kind of nervous typing this one out…but she says there’s a distinct difference in the types of issues she sees in children from high socio-economic classes vs. lower-middle class family background. Not in that kids from rich families don’t have issues-but that they tend to be different and this particular behaviour seems to occur in girls from working class backgrounds. Man, I hope people don’t go crazy because I relayed that point.
d) That oftentimes the girls who have the hardest time developing coping/defense mechanisms do have lower IQ-and that patients with higher IQ tend to insulate themselves better in terms of of their personal behaviour (at least in terms of affirmatively courting the attention of people who would make their lives difficult), even when the harassment causes them mental anguish/depression.
I told her even talking to her about it makes me feel like I’m listening to someone describe a trainwreck and she was like “yeah, no kidding.”
Anyhooo, that’s my follow up from the post I made above.
This doesn’t surprise me at all. The class we grow up in influences the way we interact with the world, so I don’t see any reason to disbelieve that kids from various backgrounds end up with varying problems.
Yes, this kid was victimized by adults who are abhorrent. BUT, I think the parents were off their rocker to let their 14 year old daughter have some sort of pseudo-romance with a 16 year old boy they had never met, over MySpace. I have seen too much bullshit go on with kids via MySpace and IM. It is largely a forum for harassment. I even have a 12 year old student who is on probation for death threats made to another kid on the internet.
If your kid is totally caught up in online relationships at 14, to the point where she will kill herself over them, that is not something parents should allow to get to that paint. And you can’t tell me parents who are paying attention don’t realize that their kid is fixated on this imaginary friend in a unhealthy way. I imagine they were probably just thrilled that she was talking to a boy at all, to the point where they failed to see it was a terrible idea.
I’m not blaming the parents, but I do think they showed some bad judgment letting their kid get wrapped up in that situation. Pull the plug on the damn computer, have the kid read a book or go play outside… or, get involved in some activity that involves face-to-face interaction with other kids.