Thank you. Thank you ever so much for jamming the shredder for the third time in the last three weeks. This time, you jammed it so badly that it popped the top off. The holes for the screws got stripped. Thanks to you, the two-month-old shredder will never be the same again.
Thank you for allowing me the privledge of spending nearly an hour flat on my back, up underneath the mechanisms, using a needlenose pliers to pull jammed paper out from between the shredder blades. My eyes really enjoyed having all those tiny bits of paper fall in them. I will be combing the paper bits out of my hair for the next three days. When I find them in my hairbrush, I will think fondly back to this experience. I will think of you.
Did you see the sign? The giant red sign I put on the shredder that says DO NOT SHRED MORE THAN 35 PAGES AT ONCE? How about the one that says WHEN SHREDDER STOPS, CHANGE BAG ? No? I’m sorry to hear that your vision has been troubling you so. Somehow, everyone else at this place of business is able to see it and manages to change the bag when necessary.
What? Of course. When you put the paper in the shredder, it gets inexplicably sucked into a black hole. Or the fourth dimension. Or Timbuktu. Of course there isn’t actually an area UNDER THE SHREDDER that holds a bag full of all the paper you forced through it in a very short period of time. And if there is, of course YOU are not responsible for making sure the bag gets changed when its full. After all, you are above everyone else, right? Certainly above this lowly administrative assistant who gets to spend her time completely dismantling the shredder in order to fix your mistake.
And this shredder model? It stops the first time when the bag is getting full. But you have learned that you can force it. You can force the shredder to keep shredding until the top pops off again. Aren’t you clever.
I am so fucking glad that I am going to be starting a different job on the first of October. At least I have one more thing I can put on my resume: Able to unjam shredders when co-workers are complete idiots. That’s you, cow-orker!
Can you move the shredder over to where you can physically SEE it so that you can catch said idiot in the act? Or set up a hidden camera? Sounds like your cow-orker deserves more than a pitting!
zoid,, what an unbelievably wonderful thing to say. You know what, you made my day. You really did. The way mine has been going up until now has really sucked butt - and now, I can go have a smoke and actually smile.
You know, if you’re not careful, you can get a tie or some other item of clothing stuck in a shredder. Or a hand.
It’s hard to do on your own, though. Sometimes you need help.
Now,melrose, seein’ as your job involves assisting people…
I work (for one more week, anyhow) for the department that oversees the state medicaid program here. Therefore, we need shredders that can handle lots of paper (as we have to shred anything with personal health information).
That said, people should thank their lucky stars that we HAVE shredders that can handle 35 pages. harumph We have one of these on every floor (4 floors) and everybody else in the building seems capable of changing bags and not overwhelming the shredders. I wish we could move the thing, but it has to be in the middle of the floor so it’s equally accessible to everyone.
Thanks for the compliment, Zoid. I’m not an admin by choice, but it was what I could get in this economy. Nobody wants to hire an editorial assistant when publishing companies are doing terribly. And if I ever happen to work in an office-type situation where I’m not the admin, I will do my darndest to show my appreciation to whoever is.
oh, and seal_cleaner…thanks for the suggestion re: ties and stuff, but I have a pet peeve about the whole calling me melrose thing.
