I could have sworn it’s from an old Rock Hudson-Doris Day movies where they’re feuding ad execs and he comes up with a non-existent product called “Vip.” When asked by his buddy (Tony Randall, I’m prettu sure) what it does, Rock replies, “That’s the beauty of it – it doesn’t do anything!”
“Lover Come Back.” I’ll dig it out sometime, but the exchange is something like:
“What does it do?”
“Nothing.”
Nothing about beauty.
Some translations of “The Emperor’s New Clothes” have a line “That’s the beauty of it” relating to how his “clothes” feel like nothing.
Me too, except that I think our memories have probably been polluted by the whole myth surrounding the thing, to the extent that we’re remembering something that never actually happened (at least not the way we distinctly remember it).
And for the youngsters out there, the people in this clip, from left to right are:
Regis Toomey, who once held, with Jane Wyman, the record for longest screen kiss in “You’re in the Army Now” (1941).
Gary Conway, whose biggest hit was probably his two seasons on “Land of the Giants,” subsequent to his two seasons as Amos Burke’s right hand man on “Burke’s Law.”
Burgess Meredith, scenery-chewer extraordinaire.
And former Martian hunter Gene Barry as Captain Amos Burke.
I remember the phrase in my head in Darrin McGavin’s voice. But I’m sure the Dad in A Christmas Story didn’t say it.
I have tried in vain to locate at least one of the old threads where this phrase was batted around. My vanity search only goes back to March 2006, so (unless I didn’t post it it) they must be older than that. I was hoping to compare the comments there with the facts and see whose guess was closest.
I nominate Earl Snake-Hips Tucker for a place in the SDMB Hall of Fame for helping to fight ignorance in stellar fashion.
There’s a recent thread about how to become an “internet legend.” I think this find is an honorable way to do that very thing.
Congratulations to Earl Snake-Hips Tucker!
Just like “Up the butt, Bob.”
Well, not just like it. But, our memories do indeed seem to be fluid things at times. Like in this case, I was absolutely sure I had seen it in B&W, and thought it might have been on TV (tho an old movie shown long ago on TV would account for that.) However, I had the dialogue delivered in that monotone, crisp, cop language type of style. In my mind’s eye, I can still hear and see the scene precisely as I described, even tho the clear evidence shows it to be different in several significant ways.
So, until someone else comes along with absolute proof of the scene being exactly as discussed online for the past several years, I’m going to consider this scene, and the fluidity of our collective memories, as the answer to the question.
Bravo, Earl SHT!
Dude! Congratulations!
You’ve won the internet! 
Congratulations. I believe there is a thread on the IMDB messageboard where they have been attempting to track down the source of this quote. You might want to post there as well to let them know you’ve found it. And I think it’s been discussed on Snopes, so take a look at their message board.
Yep. Already posted on IMDB. I’ll add to snopes later.
Halle mother fuckin lujah!
I knew it the whole time. I was just waiting to see if anyone else would get it.
Yeah, that’s the ticket.
((Bows in front of Earl Snake-Hips Tucker))
We aren’t worthy! We aren’t worthy!
Seriously, great find.
Be back
I keep thinking that is was from a Monty Python sketch. The voice in my head saying it is Michael Palin, and not anyone from that Burke’s Law episode. But obviously I’m wrong on this one.
I can’t watch the clip at work, but going by the transcript, I can see where the stress on “do” comes from. “What does it do?” "Do?".
That certainly seems close enough to get altered in the collective memory, à la “Come up some time and see me” and “Play it, Sam”.
Well done, ESHT.
Congratulations! A toast to thee sir.
Variant on the theme
You know, it’s for the kids.
Board Member 1: What if you tire before it’s done?
Board Member 2: Does it have rules?
Board Member 3: Can more than one play?
Board Member 4: What makes you think it’s a game?
Board Member 3: Is it a game?
Board Member 5: Will it break?
Board Member 6: It better break eventually!
Board Member 2: Is there an object?
Board Member 1: What if you tire before it’s done?
Board Member 5: Does it come with batteries?
Board Member 4: We could charge extra for them.
Board Member 7: Is it safe for toddlers?
Board Member 3: How can you tell when you’re finished?
Board Member 2: How do you make it stop?
Board Member 6: Is that a boy’s model?
Board Member 3: Can a parent assemble it?
Board Member 5: Is there a larger model for the obese?
Board Member 1: What if you tire before it’s done?
Board Member 8: What the hell is it?
I 100% agree. While it’s possible Earle Snake-Hips Tucker may have found the earliest usage of a very smiliar quote, I don’t think it’s the most popular usage of which most of us are recalling. I’m a 32 year old TV and movie pop culture fanatic and I’d never heard of “Burke’s Law” until this thread but I can distinctly recall hearing that dialogue with a strong empasis on the “do”.
Has “The Iron Giant” movie been ruled out? It seems like when Hogarth’s mom first sees Dean’s Jukyard art, she and Hogarth have this conversation and he reiterates Dean’s explanation (although in a more excited manner) that “it doesn’t do anything. That’s the beauty of it.” Of course, I could just be restructuring my memory to fit the quote.