My husband likes to sleep in the buff, which I don’t mind at all, but when he gets up to attend to our 8 month old daughter at night I really prefer that he pulls on a pair of pajama bottoms or something before going into her room. I have no problem at all with his being nekked in context: for example both he and I are nude in front of my daughter on the way to and from the shower every morning, and we sometimes take her right into the shower with us.
In spite of being generally ok with nudity, and keeping in mind our daughter’s extreme youth and minimal awareness, I still feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with a daddy visiting his daughter’s room in the nude during the night. Intellectually I know that Mr. Twiddle would never ever behave in a sexually inappropriate way towards our kid. And yet I am so deeply creeped out by the idea of his going to her at night in the altogether.
It might be rational to feel this way. But if it is not, then I need to think of why I might actually not trust him to behave appropriately to her…it is a difficult thing for me to figure out without first knowing if my emotional reaction is irrational or not.
What do you all think? Are my feelings on this normal – is there something not quite right about a naked dad visiting his daughter’s room at night? Or do I need to get over my puritanical, western-morality, prudish self?
I have deliberately left out what my husband actually does now because I don’t think it has any bearing on my question, but he does know my feelings about it.
How odd, I was thinking about this same thing this morning!
I sleep in the buff sometimes, yesterday morning being one of those times. My wife decided to wake me using my 10-1/2 month old son crawling over me. I awoke to little paws exploring my head. I was still under the covers but later when I got up to take him off my wifes hands so she could take a shower I was completely naked briefly while I put on some pajama pants and a tshirt.
My mental conclusion is that at 10-1/2 months its not going to wreck him mentally but all the same I’ll probably start wearing at least boxers to sleep in at night just in case. Had I a daughter I would probably react the same way.
I wonder how nudists feel about this problem and if the children of nudists ever develop any mental problems with seeing “old people” naked. IMHO, the naxiety that the parents show about being naked is reflected on the the behavior of the child. If the parents are modest about their privates, so will they (unless they rebel) If the parents are uptight about being naked, the kids will generally grow up to be as well, if the parents are perfectly fine about nudity, the child will probably be ok with it.
I wouldn’t worry with a baby, but if it’s a problem for you, just have him keep a pair of shorts by the bed. If he gets up to take care of the baby, shorts go on. Then they can go off again when he goes back to bed. But I wouldn’t make a big deal of it, either.
I’m not entirely comfortable sleeping naked, but that’s mostly because after Northridge I didn’t even consider if I was dressed or not when I went running for my mom. Fortunately, I was. But I bet I wouldn’t have noticed if I was naked until somebody said something!
“I have no problem at all with his being nekked in context: for example both he and I are nude in front of my daughter on the way to and from the shower every morning, and we sometimes take her right into the shower with us.”
If this is true, I can’t see what your problem is. Is it because his nudity is somewhat supervised by you during these other times? I would be incredibly put off if my wife suggested such a thing, with the underlying suggestion that I wasn’t to be trusted. What does he have to say about it.
It’s a sad world we live in that nudity and sex are so directly connected. Even I’m too screwed up to ever feel comfortable in a nudist enviroment–though I wish I wasn’t.
We’re all different, I suppose, and maybe there’s a bit of a cultural gap as well, but I see absolutely nothing wrong with a parent (male or female) walking into their kids rooms at night naked. I can see how this could become a problem when the children are older, but with kids in the 0-10 age range, I honestly don’t see the problem.
Turn the heat way down and he’ll put a robe on by himself.
But seriously, 8 months is quite a bit different from 8 years. If he’s still visiting your daughter after she’s potty trained, then that’s another story. For now, though, I personally wouldn’t give it another thought…other than to thank him for getting up in the middle of the night to change a messy diaper. I mean, you do take turns, right?
Further, you say you don’t mind his nudal frontity when it’s “in context.” Then you said that you know intellectually that he’d never mistreat your daughter, but that him going into your daughter’s room at night creeps you out. To that I’d have to say that it’s your problem, not his, and that you should get over it.
(Hm…that sounds snarky, but I don’t mean it that way. Apologies if you’re offended.)
shrug
If my wife was bugged about it, I’m not sure how I’d feel. It might almost seem as an accusation of the sort that would undermine a good deal of trust. On the other hand, I might just pull on a robe and forget about it.
My friend has two girls that sleep in bunkbeds and the oldest had lost her first tooth…and placed it reverently under her pillow. So my friend went to bed and remembered in the middle of the night that they needed to play “tooth fairy”, so she elbowed her hubby awake and told him to go and swipe the tooth and leave some money under the pillow…so he tiptoes into the girl’s room, reaches up to the top bunk, with great stealth he grabs the tooth, ever so quietly places the money under the pillow and then he hears “hi Daddy” from the bottom bunk. He peers down and observes his 3 year old solumly regarding his penis with owl-like eyes…
So I guess it all depends on the situation? I have a friend that lets her 13 yo son see her naked, and I for some reason (my prudish victorian-era hangups) think that is a little odd?
Margo
When you think really hard about it, it is tricky to understand why we cover ourselves up at all, is there any objective reason to suspect that kids will be traumatised by seeing a naked person?
When I was in kindergarten I drew an anatomically correct scarecrow…it was a man…I still remember my kindergarten teacher making me color in that part…this all happened right around the time I accidently barged in on my Dad while he was shaving naked…so maybe not traumatized per say…maybe just TMI for some age groups? Margo
I’ve now got an image of a kid walking into the bathroom to see his/her father laying on the ground, legs in the air, with a mirror in one hand and a Bic in the other, balls covered in Barbasol, and shaving his undercarriage.
In most societies nudity is something that makes people uncomfortable. I can see Twiddle’s unease and would feel the same way. I’m probably more sensitive than most to nudity since I was sexually abused by my father. I do not think though that Twiddle’s spouse is doing anything untoward with his daughter…
I have a 2 year old and try not to be naked around her when it isnt necessary. She does like to come in the bathroom with me and sit on her potty. (A behavior I’m hoping leads to something else soon!!!) And she does end up watching me get dressed sometimes. I get a little put off by how observant she is and how she likes to poke me in places and ask “Dat?” I’m getting much better about smiling when I tell her what all of mommy’s squishy places are as I know it is just natural curiosity on her part.
I don’t think with an 8 month old that there is any risk of scarring the kid mentally. I do think he will need a robe or some shorts eventually. At some point this will pass to inappropriate unless you do live in a nudist colony Just what age is the line 3, 10, 13? My husband sleeps in the buff too but he has pajama pants and a tshirt that he wears for all munchkin tending activities.
PS… our feelings are often irrational but they are how we feel and our spouses need to respect that. Seems putting on some shorts for your piece of mind is an easy compromise but I don’t know your husband.
I should clarify…he was shaving his face…I am now having flashbacks to the “Men, cover your nutsacks” thread, but picturing my Dad…EEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKK! But it isn’t a memory of my dad that I cherish…ummm…no.
Margo
No offence Twiddle but you sound like you’ve been victimized by the mass media. Just guessing off the top of my head here; but I would say you have a 99.9999% chance that your husband is not a child molester.
That being said, I’m sure Daddy will put on clothes when she becomes more aware. I’d probably do the same if I were in that situation.
No, I wasn’t traumatised by seeing naked people when young (why should I be?), I can imagine that it might be disturbing for an older child to wake up and find, apropos of context, a naked adult in the room but otherwise there seems little reason to go to great lengths(fnar) to hide it all away.
I have two children (4 and 7) and although I don’t sit around with nothing on, it is not at all uncommon for them to catch a glimpse of me in the buff between bathroom and bedroom. They find it amusing, not disturbing.