I’m a bit surprised that Jackie Chan hasn’t done a remake of Charlie Chan. He’s old enough now so he should be able to pull it off. John Cho from Harold and Kumar go to White Castle could play the number one son.
If written well, it might actually be good.
Pauly Shore is Charlie Kane!
How about a remake of Dune, as if we need another one of those?
George Kennedy as Duke Leto Atreides
Jack Black as Paul Muad’Dib
Drew Carey as Baron Harkonnen
Marion Ross as the Reverend Mother
Paris Hilton as the Shadout Mapes
Quentin Tarantino as Dr. Kynes
Gary Coleman as the Beast Rabban
I’ve been making a similar argument for some time now; get a couple’a decent young Asian male actors, make Jackie the Dad, give the kids various skills (one’s a martial artist, one’s a geek, one’s a car-moddin’ clubber, etc.), it could make a decent summer action flick.
If Charlie’s Angels can do it, why not Jackie?
Keanu Reeves as…Patton! But it would have to have the same script. I’d love to see Keanu say some of those lines…
What if someone took Lord of The Rings and remade it in a cartoon format … Yuck.
OK, seriously.
1932 “Scarface” story of a liquor mogul…
1983 “Scarface” story of a cocaine mogul…
2034 “Scarface” story of a Midwest insurance adjuster turned blood plasma mogul!
INTERROGATOR: Hey, kid! Where’d you get that scar? From eating popcorn?
SCARFACE: Oh my heck! How would I get a scar like that from popcorn!?
Gone With the Wind
Hayden Christianson as Rhett
Ashlee Simpson as Scarlett
Jessica Simpson as Melanie
Toby Macguire as Ashley
Whoopi Goldberg as Mammy
Beyonce as Prissy
Dakota Fanning as Bonnie Blue Butler
Dolly Parton as Belle Watling
I doubt that Dr. Frank’s seduction of Brad would not be retained in this version. (But the seduction of Janet would be expanded in length.)
As for myself, I dread the day that we the poor, teeming masses are subjected to tv ads promoting the big-budget blockbuster film version of “Elektra-Woman & Dyna-Girl.”
Elektra-Woman: Lindsey Lohan
Dyna-Girl: Michelle Trachtenberg
that guy who was their techhie support / Alfred: Cedric the Entertainer
bad guys: Ashton Kutcher, Sam Rockwell, Susan Sarandon
It’s not so much that I live in fear of the possibility, it’s that I fear this product will inevitably happen given the way Hollywood works nowadays.
In a sense, The Greatest Story Ever Told is itself a really, really bad idea for a remake.
Max von Sydow as Jesus
Charlton Heston as John the Baptist
Telly Savalas as Pontius Pilate
John Wayne as the centurion at the crucifixion, etc.
Oh yeah…my idea for a bad remake would be a movie version of the 80s show Auto Man…starring Russell Crowe as the hero, Paul Giamatti as his wimpy, neurotic sidekick, and directed by Spielberg, to make it the kick-ass CGI spectacle of all time…
(This is the best idea I’m likely to have this week…what a movie this would be!)
Already done . Very, very badly.
If Rene Auberjunois (Odo from Deep Space Nine) played Yankee Doodle, I’d watch it.
“Monty Python and The Holy Grail”
Multi-million dollar special effects spectacular starring Steve Martin, Eddie Murphie, Owen Wilson and whatever other famous comedians that might be hanging around.
Flowers for Algernon II - Smarter for a While!
With Pauly Shore as Charly.
Schindler’s List–The Musical
The Bedford Incident
Starring Colin Farrell, Charlize Theron, Samuel L. Jackson (as Captain Finlander), and James Hong.
Doesn’t have so much of the “cold tension of nuclear brinksmanship,” but it does have a conspiracy and a helicopter fight. Budget is $80 million.
M was already remade once (in 1951 – it was almost immediately withdrawn, and its director put on the blacklist). I say we give it another go, perhaps updating it with cyberspace allusions. My casting:
M – Philip Seymour Hoffman
Inspector – James Earl Jones
Mob Boss – Joe Mantegna
Balloon Vendor – George Carlin
To direct, David Mamet comes immediately to mind. Perhaps Tim Burton could give it an eerie mise-en-scene, or Jim Jarmusch could render it all in grisly black and white, with black humor. I thought about the Coen Bros., but crime is too banal to them; they’d ruin a vehicle like M.
Green Acres: The Motion Picture. For youth appeal, we’ll cast Freddie Prinze Jr and Paris Hilton as the leads.
Fiddler on the Roof, starring Cedric the Entertainer as Tevis, who is a beer delivery man. He lives in the ghetto and has five daughters who are coming of age – maybe one marries a white guy against his wishes, one falls in with a gangsta, and so on. I actually wrote about 30 pages of this script a couple years back.
The Magnificent Seven, set in a post-apocalyptic near future, either with robots, vampires, aliens, or all of the above. The casting for the seven unlikely heroes would be the greatest of all time: Bruce Campbell, Samuel L. Jackson, Christopher Walken, Steve Buscemi, Peter Weller, Jason Statham, and Zach Braff. Again, this is an idea I’ve been working on for a while.
Add Scarlett Johansen (Penelope Pitstop) and Stephen Wright (Professor Pat Pending) and you could have The Wacky Races. There were other characters, but I can’t remember them.
A friend of mine once told me that she would love to direct a re-make of Mortal Combat.
**The Miracle Worker ** - with Jessica and Ashlee Simpson