Today is National Grouch Day, so
Get the hell off my lawn.
Now.
Every single damn one of you.
Or I’ll turn on my sprinklers.
I mean it.
<removes lid>
Hey, quit makin’ all that racket up here, will’ya?!
<climbs back into garbage can>
This sucks. You all suck. Leave me alone! RAWR!
You kids these days don’t even know HOW to grumble!
Back in my day we’d yell at the spouse, swat the dog, and turn a hose on the kids on the front lawn all at the same time. I could swear for fifteen minutes without repeating a single word (other than “a”, “an” and “the”). My answering machine once gave an obscene caller a stroke. I could make my kids’ puppy wet himself with a single glance. I once made a used car salesman cry in 48 seconds flat without touching him. I keep a bowl of onion, garlic, and limberger cheese by the front door so I can take a mouthful before answering the door.
And your OP sucks.
National Grouch Day? National GROUCH Day?! That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard of. All the time they’re coming out with some dumbshit national day. I’m sick of it. What’s next, National Nosepicking Day? National PMS Day? National I’m Gonna Drive an Icepick Through My Skull If They Keep Up These Idiot National Days Day?
It’s a wonder I even get out of bed in the morning. Hmmph.
Don’t you know better than to wake me up and try to tell me something before I’ve showered, eaten, and had some caffiene?
Sonofabitch.
I missed Grouch Day and somebody’s gonna pay.
Anybody’ll do.
Everybody sucks anyway.
I still have diarrhea.
Cite? Why should I believe that it’s National Grouch Day!?
Once I saw this thread, I went out and googled it. I found a bunch of holiday and eCard sites that agreed that it was today, but no official documentation other than a fluff piece in a Canadian newspaper.
That didn’t stop me from sending my husband a “Happy National Grump Day” card while I was at it. 
I demanded sex from my wife today; she told me my back wasn’t healed enough. I told her none of the other women had had any complaints and she hit the side of my head with a book she had in her hand; It was the Family Medical Guide and it was big and heavy and it hurt like hell. It knocked me off my feet if you’ve got to know and then she kicked me all over, especially in my groin and in my face and then in my back. I’m really hurt now. National Grouch Day my ass, she didn’t have to be that damn grouchy. I’m not even gonna talk to her for a week; that’ll teach her. Besides that, there weren’t even any other women, except for a few dreams and stuff. I just forgot who I was talking to, that’s all. Damn, she’s grouchy. I want this damn holiday rescinded while I’m still alive.
So that’s what’s wrong with me. I just thought it was the aftereffects of a migraine and a $300 million federal election that changed nothing.
Nice! It’s 5:00 pacific time and this is the first I’ve heard of it. Well, on the upside, I was dickish to a couple of my lazier co-workers. Fuck! Now I half to wait untill next year.
I will see my wife later… Nah, She’s the Dali Lama of grouchy. Best not to stir up that hornets nest. Still, maybe someone will piss me off on the drive home and I can give them the finger.
Oh, Fuck it! My day is shot. I’m putting this on my day planner.