Little dog, I love you and I know you are stupid. When you growl and bristle at my reflection in the mirror, I realize you will never, ever understand why you shouldn’t ingest feline feces. When you lick my feet, I know how much you love me and why I never, ever pick up food with my feet.
But your stupidity is now creating substances so vile I, the tough-skinned offspring of nurses and enjoyer of raw fish and lutefisk, needed Vicks Vapo-Rub on my top lip to fight nausea as I dealt with it.
Apparently, your gut now dislikes cat turds with the same intensity mine would. It sends them back partly-digested and utterly, utterly foul. There’s no way to describe what I felt when I realized what that squishy substance on my sock was, but the connection between that and the odd sound I heard you making was immediately apparent.
“So,” I thought, “that’s what it sounds like when you hock up a shitball.”
Your taste for shitlins is driving me 'round the bend, dog, and until your current bout of GI distress is over, the linoleumed bathroom shall remain your primary residence.
Achilles: But that would have ruined the rhythm of my words! It’s a mellifluous string of syllables, all Latiny and such, and intruding more Anglo-Saxon sounds would have made it too grating.
Besides, it’s a nice clash: The euphony of the words against the utter skankiness of the subject. In English, you can make anything sound nice. Even a dog retching up half-digested cat shit.
You should run a TEFL course. You could use that as your advertising slogan.
But seriously, you are right. I mean, who are you gonna listen to: a palaeontologist who talks about “coprolites”, or the one banging on about “fossilised Dino-shite”?
No, no! It was the juxtaposition of that snooty thread title with the straightforwardness of the first sentence that caused me to wet my pants!
I mean, I laughed.
Okay, maybe I’m missing the point, but why don’t you keep your dog from eating the cat shit in the first place?
As in, if he’s munching it out of your own household’s litterbox (and I guessing that’s so, because how would he get at it regularly otherwise) why not put the litterbox someplace the dog can’t get to? We had a cabinet built that was open on the bottom (so it could just be set down over the litterbox, and removed for cleaning purposes) with just a 5" diameter hole fairly high up on one side. The cat had no problem getting in or out, but it would be a rare dog that could fit completely through, and even if it stuck it’s head it, it would be far above the level of the ‘goodies.’
OTOH, if you have a teeny, agile dog, then raise the litter box above it’s reach. Like, set it on top of your clothes dryer or washingmachine or a shelve or something.
The cat won’t care, just show it the new location.
StarvingButStrong, Cerri: Good ideas, both of you, but the cats are outside cats and the dogs are inside dogs. They only get to eat cat shit when they are outside making their own waste dumps (replenishing what they’ve lost, apparently), and I’m too busy keeping them away from the cats themselves (not that the dogs pose a threat, but they do sniff them with ruthless efficiency) to notice when one of them gobbles a piece of cat butt surprise.
Of course, I’ve recently been much more aware of what my dogs eat. This has never been a problem before, you understand, and while I was arguably negligent before, this is the first time it’s caused anyone (my dogs or myself) problems.
The last times they went out, nobody ate any scat. (It’s becoming more difficult to think up other ways to say shit.)
[Andy Griffith] That boy just can NOT get his fill of catshit. Nosir![/Andy Griffith]
The funniest part is the indolent look on the cat’s face “yes of course you desire to eat my shit. That is only just ant meet to your station in life, foolish cur.”
What is up with cat shit this week? We had to make an ‘emergency’ trip to the groomer’s last night because my long-haired male cat apparently had an overgrowth on his ass, and was dragging shit ALL around the house.
The groomer laughed at me. I was just glad that my apartment wouldn’t smell like shit anymore (okay, we won’t discuss the refrigerator right now). And now Oscar has a shaved butt. He’s currently not speaking to me.
<icky story> I don’t like dogs but thought it might make me a better person if I bonded with my brother’s puppy. I loaded him into the front of my father’s pickup truck since that is what people who like dogs tend to do. The puppy soon started drooling. “Look how happy he is,” I thought. I didn’t take long after that for the vomiting to begin. Zoey is another fan of the Kitty Poo. She threw it up all over my lap before moving on the rest of the truck cab. <very gross part> It actually steamed. It was not very well digested. </very gross part> My disgusted screams only scared her. She heaved all the way back home as well. I got yelled at for letting her ride in the front instead of the enclosed cab. Future car trips proved that she does it in any part of the truck if not sedated before a ride. Dogs are nasty.
</icky story>
[sub] hee hee [/sub]