Need advice in a strange situation

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I am going to try and keep this short. No really possible, but I will answer more questions if need be.

My mom and my biological dad were involved over 40 years ago. He was married with five children at the time, I am number six and there was another born after me, and my mother was in the middle of a divorce. Times what they were I was listed as my mothers husbands child on the birth certificate. Later in life I was told that her first husband was not my father but this married man.

When I was in my early twenties I wanted to meet him. My mother found a person that knew his sons wife and blah, blah we met. After the first meeting we saw each other several times over a year or so… He was in a bad work situation and decided to move with his wife to Florida, the same woman he was married to when he had an affair with my mother. He gave me his number but I never called as I did not want to upset his life. There had already been “anonymous” calls by my half sisters to my home stating that my mother was a liar and I was not his daughter, he was getting challenges by his wife and so on. I just stayed out of his life. I figured it was best for him. I did not see any reason to make a “I am his kid from a twenty year ago affair” scene.

About six months ago I made a drunk call to him. I had not spoken with him in about 14 years. He was no longer with his wife but they are still married. She gave me his number. I called and we spoke for an hour or so. It was nice to speak with him and I got the feeling he was happy to hear from me. We spoke, said we would keep in touch and that was about it.

Yesterday I got a call from someone saying they were leaving a message on behalf of “my dads name“. I called back this morning fearing the worst but it was not about my dad but my half brother. His first son, with the same name.

When I spoke to him this morning I could tell he has a very bad speech impediment. He never remembers meeting me all those years ago. He says he was told we did meet but he does not remember but now he wants to meet with me. From googling his phone number he only lives about seven miles away.

I did meet him twice before but that was before a severe motorcycle accident that put him in the hospital and rehab for a many years. In fact the last time I saw him was in the ICU. He was in a coma. I spoke to him, told him I cared and I was sorry to see him that way and I would pray he would recover. That was the last time I saw him, 13/14 years ago.

I told him we could meet this Saturday. It was so easy and instant. I never even thought of asking him why. I mean it has been so many years. He is at least ten years older than me if not more than that. I have no idea why he wants to meet me. The only way he could have gotten my number is from his mother or our father. He would have no way of finding me other than that.

I can not think why he would want to meet me other than the same type of curiosity that drove me too look for our father in the first place. Maybe he is just curious. Maybe he wants to look me in the face and see if I am real. There is no doubt in my mind that we have the same father.

Finding my father helped me find myself all those years ago, but that seems like another lifetime now. I am so nervous.

I do not expect there are a lot of you out there that has been in this situation but if you have any insight I would like to hear your stories.

I tried to keep it as short as I could but it is more involved and as I said I can answer more if you think it would help with advice.

I am sorry if this runs on a babbles a bit. I have tried several times to make it clearer than mud but I don’t think I am very good at it.

Any advice is appreciated.

2

Meet him. In a public place, just to be on the safe side.

If I discovered I had a brother/sister (quite likely, given that I’m adopted), I’d leap at the chance to meet.

3

Sorry to be cynical, but any chance he needs money?

4

See this thread by Chowder on meeting his long-lost sister.

StG

5

I have already met him. I remember it was three times before. Once at his own home. My mother was friends with a lady that went to school with him and his wife but we did now know any of the connection until years later when I was looking for my dad.

The first time I met my dad was at his (my bothers) home. The second time was at a bar I lived next to and he came over for an evening then the next/last time I saw him was in UCI. That was the last time I saw him 14 year ago.

I grew up with a brother. I did not find out until I was thirteen that he was a half brother as we had seperate fathers. He was the child of my mothers marriage and I was not.

He has been dead over twenty years so this new “brother” in my life is upsetting and at the same time exciting but at the same time confusing.

How do I explain this new “uncle” to my kids or do I even have to. They know of my dad and the situation and never hid things from them but hell it may never even get that far. It might be a one time lunch and then I may never see him again. I mean it did not seem to be an issue that I have not seen him in 14 years.

He is suppose to come over on Saturday at three. I am not worried about my safety but even so my SO will be home. It just all freaks me out.

6

Not at all.

This crossed my mind or a temp place to stay.

It would not surprise me in the least if he was looking for a place to stay. I know it may sound bad but he was not the most stable guy back then and I am sure after the last 14 years of medical issues that he might be looking for new place to crash.

I hope that is not what he wants. He said he wanted to meet me and take me out to dinner or lunch but being street wise I know that can mean lets go to Dennys and at the last minute I forgot my wallet and in the bathroom break attempt to steal money from my purse.

I am reading it now.

7

A long time back, a cow-orker was in a bad motorcycle accident. He was in a coma for over a year, and when he came out he had some on-going health issues, but the main concern he had was the loss of memory.

He’d lost about 5 years, couldn’t remember anything after his high school prom. He wanted to meet the people he knew from his life before the accident, partially to thank us for our support and friendship, but I think more importantly to see if any memories were brought back.

We were in the Navy at the time, in San Diego. He’d been transferred to a civilian hospital back home during the year he was out, so he made a big trip back to San Diego to visit. We took him to his old apartment, let him sit on the Harley he’d crashed, took him to work, etc.

Nothing twigged. He didn’t remember anyone, was astounded that he’d been in the Navy, much less owned a Harley, etc. Eventually, I’m told, he regained parts of those memories, but he never stopped trying to regain them. It was a kind of obsession for him. He was also determined to enjoy every second of life, now that he had a second chance, so to speak.

Maybe your brother is trying to get in touch with parts of his life that don’t exist for him anymore, and/ or be sure to wring every nuance out of life now.

BTW: Severe head trauma is a bitch, ladies and gents. Wear your helmets.

8

I don’t see an issue. Meet him in a place you trust, don’t keep much cash in your purse when you meet him, and if he asks to crash at your place, be polite but firm. Oh, and have a good time.