I’d really appreciate any and all opinions and advice in dealing with my fiance’s ex-wife. We are all 40-ish and have teenagers.
Ex-wife took out a loan about a year before their divorce in his name – she forged his signature. He filed a police report, but would not state on it who forged his name (even though she used her own name in the email address). The company is still coming after my fiance for the debt and it has messed up his credit. What should he do?
This same ex-wife has faked cancer several times in her life. She is telling her kids (17 and 11) that she is undergoing chemo and radiation, but she has been seen by relatives out on the town. Is this legal?
This same ex-wife is trying to convince her son that he has diabetes, but we have taken the child’s blood sugar numerous times and it’s always perfect (the 11 year old boy stays with us a couple times a month). This I just do not understand – can anyone tell me why a person would do this?
Same ex-wife has been driving a car with no license plate for nearly 2 years now. She bought it up north, drove it down south and has never made a payment on it. She’s been pulled over once, but sweet-talked her way out of it. Problem is – she’s given the car to the 17 year old daughter to drive and we are afraid it’s going to get the child a ticket or worse. What should we do?
This woman has forged many a check in her day, and managed to get her kids on medicaid even though their father provides full insurance for them…she’s never paid a penalty for anything she’s ever done. She allowed her daughter to drop out of high school at age 15 (legal age is 17). I don’t know what to do…I do not trust her kids because they are so loyal to her. Any advice?
Explain to the kid that it’s a bad idea to drive it. If she still does, the consequences are really her own. If you’re old enough to have a license, you’re old enough to understand that some cars can’t be driven.
If it’s this bad before marriage, it will not likely to get better.
You are the outsider here - when push comes to shove, expect to get shoved.
You got the answer to the “she or me” question when he declined to ID her on the forgery.
Or he’s lying about it being her forgery. Why involve yourself in such a mess?
He should have said in the first place who forged his signature. Now, I don’t know.
Illegal to lie to your kids about having cancer? I don’t think so.
General nuttiness and/or Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy?
Try to tell the 17-year-old why you think it’s risky for her to drive it. And a 17-year-old is not a “child”.
Doesn’t matter, if the custodial parent has a low enough income, Medicaid can cover copays even if the kid has primary insurance. That’s the case for my kid.
My soon-to-be-husband is actually very calm, friendly, has had the same well-paying job for 20 years now, and doesn’t take any of his ex’s or kids’ drama very seriously – I’m more worried about this than he is, primarily what it’s doing to his credit (we may need a construction loan down the road).
I never thought of Maunchesen’s (spelling?)…but don’t those people actually harm their kids? Other than making the kids mentally deranged, I don’t believe she’s ever made them physically ill or harmed them physically. I just don’t understand why she’d give her son so much grief and tell him he can no longer have a soda or dessert because of diabetes…poor kid.
I guess you’re right about the 17-year-old being mature enough to make her own decisions.
My fiance believes his ex belongs in prison for forgery and just being a con, but he doesn’t want his kids to live with him/us since they chose to move out of his house to go be with their mom. But I feel like we’re harming the kids by ignoring what their mother is doing to them. I’ve got an 18 year old in pre-med, a senior in high school on the honor roll, and a very mature 14 year old–I just don’t understand the situation with his kids…it’s really starting to bother me. He’s got to protect a con-woman because she has his 2 kids. Jeez. Oh, the con is married to an idiot who makes good money, but they both are “recreational drug users” so they never have a dime. The story just keeps getting better… :rolleyes:
I guess I’ll just continue to distance myself from them and not set a wedding date until his youngest nears 18. Other than continuing to keep our assets separate and riding this mess out, I don’t really see anything else I can do. Everybody who has been through a divorce has baggage…no attractive, successful man has made it to age 40 without getting hitched at some point in his life. haha
I’m no expert on the condition, but I would guess there are degrees of it. If you honestly believe the kid does not have diabetes and she’s claiming he does, well…what? She’s either lying to herself or lying to other people (or both).
He thinks his 11-year-old son made his own bed and needs to lie in it?? Does that seem reasonable to you?
As for the rest of what you said, I realize there’s a lot I don’t know, but it sounds really unlikely that this relationship is going to work out long-term.
This isn’t your fight to fight. Every now and then I hear one of these stories where a girlfriend or fiance recounts the woes of their SO at the hands of the EX. Those stories always have a similar, one-sided ring to them. I don’t mean to sound harsh but is this really a case of a wonderful, innocent man being manipulated for all these many years by the most horrible person in the world? I married an ex-wife with a child and I can tell you, the horrible stores her EX told about her were untrue. He was the world’s foremost authority on raising kids, one weekend a month when he had the time. Of course I don’t know if that is the case here.
Personally, I don’t think you should do anything except take a fresh look at what is going on. Your fiance should take charge of the issues in his own life. He should deal with the issues of his own children and his own ex-wife without dumping it on the new person in his life.
Again, I’m sorry to sound so negative. The EX here does sound pretty horrible. Still, there are two sides to every story. I’ve been on the other side of this one and it ain’t pretty over there either.
Well, you guys know how 10-year-old boys are when it comes to their mother. I’ve found boys to be more affectionate than girls (my girls are 18 and 17 and my son is 14). He wasn’t sure that forcing his son to stay in his house was best for him when all he wanted was to be with his mother.
My fiance is definitely not dumping his “stuff” on me – I’m a realist and know what goes on in his life will affect me, so I question him so I won’t be blindsided after marriage. He’s forthcoming and honest, so at least he doesn’t mind my curiosity.
The one thing that concerns me is his lack of reporting his ex in the forgery. So what if she goes to jail for a time and his kids have to live with him…he’s their parent, after all. And it would help get his credit straightened out when the company has another party to go after to collect on the debt. But his daughter would spit bullets at us if we were the reason her mom got in trouble. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
Reading up on Munchausen’s did lead me to read up on Histrionic Personality Disorder, and that “condition” fits her to a TEE. It affects 2-3% of the population in the U.S. – I suppose everyone is affected to some degree by a person who has psychological issues.
Talk to a divorce lawyer for advice on prenuptial/premarital agreements. You need to protect yourself from any creditor who may come after your income or assets in an attempt to collect on debts the ex-wife incurred when she was married to your fiancé. Best of luck.
Do you want advice for you on how to cope with your fiance having a crazy ex?
Do you want legal advice on protecting your own assets within the marriage?
Are you questioning whether you want to commit to marrying into this family?
Do you want advice to pass on to your husband as to how he could manage his relationship with his ex and kids?