Unless they’re going to watch you pee in front of them have a drug-free friend urinate in a small ziplock (make sure yellow+blue=green, unless your pants you want to clean) bag and tape it snuggly to your abdomen just below your belt area.
Simply empty into the cup they provide and make sure to take the bag back with you - don’t try to flush it or throw it in their garbage.
Just a suggestion, my friend.
“Lucky”, I am not in the same position where I have to campaign for a cause. I don’t promise somebody one thing and then do another. I don’t get into a position where I am doing something and then hiding it. Maybe this should be in a thread on its own but I think it is very wrong to advise someone how to cheat. If I came on here and said “I have Linear Algebra tests coming up, here are the questions, what are the answers?” that wouldn’t be right. Guess what? This is no different!
The “Peyote Coyote” gag is pretty funny (and ironic :)) Let’s all pick druggie nicknames. I’m going to be The Crack Hack!
(Well, it’s the best I can do)
I’d just search the net for how to cheat a drug test. There are some of us who don’t use drugs but test positive anyway. Like they ate hamburger buns with seeds on them giving them positive readings for opium?
I don’t know if this would work for the purpose or not, but how about pop (soda, Coke, whatever-you-call-it) instead of water? I’ve noticed that if I’ve been doing without for a while and then have a couple cans (or if I’ve been doing a can a day and for some reason (e.g. family get together) have 4 or 5 in a short time), I spend much more time pissing in the bathroom than normal. If it worked, it wouldn’t be as obviously diluted as water, and perhaps it’d be more believable for someone to drink excessive amounts of pop that of water.
Your Official Cat Goddess since 10/20/99.
“We are here! You are saved!” --R. & F.
What about 2nd hand smoke from pot? Would you test postive? I don’t do drugs (except for the ones the cute guys in white give me), but years ago when I lived at home, my mother & brother smoked pot a lot. I was the white sheep of the family. 
WECOLME TO THE NEW MILLENIUM!, now go home. 
Just how much do you have to drink to kill yourself? This would be less messy than a gun, and easier than jumping from the GGB(that first step scares me). :eek:
WECOLME TO THE NEW MILLENIUM!, now go home.
Link to the thread “Too Much Water”
http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum3/HTML/004771.html
It seems the minimum is three liters. There are several links in the thread including one to JAMA.
I guess if you wanted to piss your life down the drain it might be a good way to go.
AskNott
From what I’ve heard both hair tests and spinal taps are very expensive and more trouble than they’re worth as far as random/job testing goes. I wouldn’t worry about that.
I’ve also heard (from a reputable source) that pot goes through your system much faster than one is usually told-- like 48 hours rather than 28 days. Stay clean for a week and you should be fine.
PS-- who let Nancy Reagan post here? Nancy? Is that you?
Maybe that shampoo used to clean pool chlorine out of hair would work on the hair tests? (A new Urban Legend hatches!)
That’s the hard part…finding a drug-free friend. 
I’ve personally known of several cases where the testee (heh) had smoked heavily up until within 48 hours and in one case 24 hours of the test. They all passed. In fact, the only person I’ve ever known who failed a drug test failed due to prescription pain-killers which he didn’t currently have a prescription for, and he took those the same day as the test. And those weren’t the only drugs in his system at the time.
Yeah, you may test positive. My sister had a boyfriend in college that was pretty straight…but his roomate was a major pot-head and smoked alot in the dorm room. My sister’s boyfriend tested positive AND was kicked off the university track team because all NCAA athletes have to test drug-free. Needless to say this was a big wake-up call for me…Peyote Coyote: stay away from rasta bars - you too fogmage.
I’ve heard that the test that use hair are too expensive to test everyone. So they chose some hair samples randomly. If it is a company-wide test, then you may be in the clear.
Life is tough, it’s tougher if you’re stupid.
Hey AvenueB-dude…
Shut up.
Hasn’t everyone made it abundantly cleat that they don’t want to hear your shit? If you want to lecture about how you’re so great and honorable and sober as a judge and smart and drug-free then do it in your own damn thread. Or get it all out at once in mini-rant. Only please, for the love of all that’s sane, stop popping up in this thread with your sanctimonious bullshit attitude, cuz at least three other people have tried to tell you nicely what I am coming right out and saying, which is: your comments are out of place.
So is this one, sorry. Noonch.
“And on the eighth day, God Created beer
to prevent the Irish from taking over
the Earth.”
~SNOOGANS~
The one I’ve taken (and passed, thank you) was like this:
Very easy to cheat.
As far as how to beat a test, I don’t have any verifiable solution, but I do have pothead friends that swear drinking a quart of vinegar 24 hrs before the test will work. Let me stress though that this is only heresay.
So what happens if you fail?
At my job, you get a warning for the first and after that you have to have some kind of detox/rehab (which the company health insurance pays for). So long as you’re not high at work, your work doesn’t suffer, and you’re not endangering the public you keep your job (firing would open up management to too many lawsuits).
First of all, LSD is out of your system in a couple days. Second, a spinal tap is a very painful procedure. It’s illegal to do one for a drug test.
Oops, I forgot this : cerebro-spinal fluid doesn’t concentrate LSD or metabolites. A spinal tap would be pointless.
To detect LSD, you’d need to use chromatography or mass-spectrometry on the urine within a couple days of ingestion. Of course, drug tests don’t use this kind of technology.
Now, as to the OP, you haven’t pointed out which drug you are using (it makes a BIG difference), so I’m assuming pot. The best advice I can give you is something you’re not going to like : EXERCISE! Metabolites of THC are stored in fat. Exercise burns fat. Simple as that.
The length of time you have to go without smoking to past a drug test can vary greatly and depends on your metabolism and the amount of pot you smoked.
But, hell, even if you do have a slow metabolism, you might get lucky. One large, oafish aquaintance of mine had to take a piss test to get an offshore oil job. We’re standing outside in the parking lot of the place he was to be tested and he says “Oh, I smoked a couple of fat blunts last night. Do you think that’ll show up?” Well, somehow they DIDN’T show up and he got the job.
Eat lots and lots of poppy seed bagels! Only poppy seeds will do! Trust me