I’m glad this got moved to the Pit. I think this whole story is bullshit. I typed a long post similar to Scarlett’s and decided it was too harsh for IMHO. First she’s having sex with the guy, then she isn’t. First she’s asking him about other women, then he’s volunteering information. They’ve been involved for three weeks and she can’t remember what he told her about this woman.
Too many inconsistencies, I think.
(bolding added)
Absolutely not. I said I wouldn’t judge whether a teenager should know that her mother is dating so-and-so, but to be a sounding board for her mother’s sex life is right out. Absolutely inappropriate.
Again, unfortunately I speak from personal observation.
Not sex life for christs sake. Relationship girl talk. You know, stuff OTHER than sex. Is he nice. He brought me flowers at work, we went to the movies and shared a soda, does he have any kids… Damn.
Exactly.
Just to recap, in case I missed anything, **BoxofNothing ** has known this guy for three weeks. They’ve professed their love for each other. They’ve had sex, but apparently refrain from it when she brings her 16 year old best friend/daughter along on their dates. He might or might not be sleeping with another woman, who may or may not be someone he is ethically forbidden to have sex with, as he may or may not be her healthcare provider. Also, this woman may or may not be paying him for sex. At the very least, there may or may not be some financial… oddities involved. **BoxofNothing ** may or may not find all of this offputting. She’s not quite sure.
There are two kinds of people who tell such disjointed, contradictory, oh-I-forgot-to-mention-this-key-detail stories. Stupid people and liars. Personally, I’m inclined toward thinking this is bullshit. If *any * of this is true, then **BoxofNothing ** is stupid.
Pardon me, I was in a hurry and used shorthand. I still say that the daughter is not to be a sounding board for her mother’s dating relationships. A teenager has no business serving that purpose for her mother. That’s for adult friends, or perhaps a therapist.
It would be very difficult to work under the table as a HHA and got paid by insurance or agency. They go through the agency for paychecks, IME, which is a bit.
As for the OP, I wouldn’t discourage the seemingly close relationship she has with her teenage daughter. If the OP is as much of a trainwreck as she sounds, the girl may be a stabilizing influence in her life, and as she gets older valuable to the general well-being of the OP.
I appreciate the clarification and tend to agree with the intent. I don’t agree that the daughter shouldn’t know who she is dating, even in a limited context. It doesn’t have to be “Uncle Bob” type stuff with a 16yo but if she is leaving the house for a period of time with a man, if the man may show up at the door for dinner, or call for Mom some evening, the daughter should know who he is and were he stands in a generic sense at least.
Especially if she is leaving at night with him. Daughter should know who he is and were he lives. Weighing the daughter down with emotional baggage or asking for value judgements from a 16yo is not to be encouraged.
Nic2004, thank you for some needed wisdom and not flaming like some of the assholes here.
As to those few: yes, stories true, I’ve been consistant, don’t rightly care if you believe me or not, and I am outof here for good. 
You are welcome. I hope you are not outta here for good but will consider returning. Some OP’s go better than others and I think you could find a place that fits for you given time.
If not, be careful and be thoughtful and the very best of luck in this.
Nic
Everything as stated is accurate, my daughter is not told personal things, but she knows I am seeing him and what kind of person he is. I don’t want someone who hates children.
Nic, you are right, he has been way up front and is probably hanging around for the long haul. I hope so, but things do add up, and my eyes are open.
I will post, but not anymore in this thread.
I asked for advice, got it, and am continuing with my guy.
Good for you. I hope to see ya around.
My sense of the OP is that she lacks self esteem. Check her username She’s settling for this guy and looking for validation. This could very well be one long heartache.
I should set my sight higher, like on a dutchman who flies…!
Theres this thing you may have heard of, its called creativity. My username popped into my head when registering.
feh to you.
c’est la vie
The people that will take advice don’t need it.
The people that need advice won’t take it.
When will the Dope learn to stop giving it?
As for the home-health setup, it sounds iffy but may not be that bad. In college my roommate (a quadriplegic) had home care a couple hours a week for minor (not medically significant) assistance. She usually hired friends to do this, or sometimes boyfriends (or friends who became boyfriends). These people weren’t vetted or trained in any way - that I know of - as medical providers. So if the OP’s boyfriend’s duties are mainly driving the girl to chemo or warming up soup, then it doesn’t seem completely off the charts that they could be lovers, FWBs, or whatever. The OP’s calling the woman a “patient” was likely her term more than the boyfriend’s. Which sounds better: He is a “health aide” who assists a “patient”, or he is a “friend (retired)” who assists his “former fuckbuddy?”
The halfsies financial arrangement probably qualifies as fraud in some form - depending on how he and/or she gets paid - but I bet it’s not uncommon. Unfortunately, if this kind of abuse is discovered, it becomes a rallying cry for those who seek to slash government spending. Since the guy is happy with half of what the state thinks he should be paid, why not cut the the benefit by 50%? But that’s another thread.
Oh, and as whether the boyfriend is cheating? How the hell should we know? Once I heard you professed love within three weeks and email each other several times a day I had to recuse myself. I get that some couples are more [del]codependent[/del] er, communicative than others, but goddamn. Both of you: get a hobby.
I think KSO is spot on. My BS-O-Meter was pinging softly with the disjointed “fill in the blanks” OP, but I gave it the benefit of the doubt, however, as the story evolved it became obvious the OP was being more sly than stupid with the coy little details she would lace in. Regardless of the OP’s huff, I think this story is a creative writing exercise from beginning to end.
Real women asking for relationship advice don’t tell these threadbare stories. They paint fairly precise dioramas of what’s going on, and if anything tend to over explain and over analyze the situation.
Another low grade ex health care provider checking in (EMT-1). We had plenty of times we were flirted with, hit on or propositioned by patients. It was almost universally seen as icky by all of my coworkers, we talked about it alot. Many people with chronic and or slow progressing terminal conditions can be very emotionally needy, especially if they are younger than say 50 or so. Several of our regulars who required transport to doctors appt’s and such were famous for propositioning almost every guy in the company at some point.
I can fully understand if I was 30 and dying of cancer that I would like to get as much attention and affection as I could, problem is, the only visitors you have to pick from are various medical personell who are often duty if not legally bound not to go there. Its not too easy to imagine a younger cancer patient developing an emotional attachment to a caregiver that could easily spill over into a sexual releationship especially if they are physically capable of it. Many of the actions and duties a HHA fulfills would be the same ones performed by a spouse or other SO in caring for them. The paralells make the lines blurry to hurt, emotionally needy, and vulnerable people. Patients initiating relationship overtures is almost normal IME as you are this larger than life pillar of comfort and caring in a world that has turned its back on you in many ways.
Going into any health care or allied health feilds is about caring for others, part of what makes it special is that when we show up, you do not have to have any guard up, and you can trust those people with your life because the last thing they want to do is take anything from you. Looking to add a little nookie IMHO to your compensation is little different ethically than stealing a few trinkets from their home to sell on ebay.
Drach ex-EMT who was hit on by countless old ladies and promised the hand of dozens of daughters and grand-daughters.
The daughters and grand-daughters of course are fair game as long as they are of legal age in your state 
I know someone who writes and parses exactly like the OP in chat. Invariably she is always drunk, and whining about the misery of her relationships. For a second I was wondering if I was reading something she wrote.
I also get a little of the feeling that she was looking for a threat from outside to give her an excuse to defend him. Since obviously we don’t understand him, we don’t know him, how can we judge him? Whatever.
Oh wait this is the pit!
What in the hobbit fancying, urinal yodeling, chipmunk spunk felching, smashed Gateway laptop enema, hell are you thinking BoN
OK, got that out of my system.
Some people just don’t know how to go away. Go away! Shoo!
Don’t make me get the broom.