I use the term “back-rub” because I’m not a masseur, nor do I pretend to be one. This is just one of the things I would like to add to my reper-twaa of being a decent lover.
Links and any advice are greatly welcomed.
I already got me some candles and some Massage Oil. Now what?
Thanks
Q
I’ll have to say it… no, no, I must…
Find someone whose back you can rub.
Rub next to bone, but don’t rub bone. That hurts. Rub around the spine in particular. Concentrate on high-tension areas. Start at the neck and rub in concentric circles with your thumbs; your fingers should be steadying the neck. Work your way downward.
Oh, yeah. Forgot all about that one dan!
So I already know to keep my hand on my partner’s body at alll times (so that she’ll feel comforted) and to avoid bone.
Thanks!
Q
I’ve been told I’m pretty good at this, so I’ll try to help, with the disclaimer that I’m not a masseuse either. (You know, just in case you were thinking of suing me for giving you bad back rub advice :D)
Do you have strong hands? Strong hands are good. But the most important thing is to make sure you’re not using your full strength or it could hurt. So anyway, dan hit the highlights and I agree with him. Start at the base of the neck and move out towards the shoulders. But DO NOT USE THE VULCAN DEATHGRIP. I’ve been the recipient of it with someone who didn’t know they’re strength and it hurts. You want to keep a firm, deep pressure consistently. Make sure you check in with your partner as to whether you’re pressing too hard or not hard enough. As dan said, work down each side of the spine, with your fingers splayed out to the sides and your thumbs on each side of the spine. You can do a sort of rubbing/pulsating motion with your fingers as you do small circles with your thumbs. Work your way slowly down stopping when you hit a good spot. (Generally signaled by an ooh, aah from partner 
) When you get to the lower back, use more finger action, again with your fingers splayed and using each individual finger to rub (think squeezing melons…). Then you can work your way back up to the neck. At the neck, make sure you go up high enough at the top of the spine. Then back to the shoulders, then you lean over and start to gently nibble…oh wait, that’s a whole other thread. I’m sure you can take it from here
I pray to the god of the double entendres to put me out of my misery, because here is what I said in a previous thread entitled “Ever get wood during a massage…?”
>Never gotten it getting a massage, but I get wood giving one.
Don’t ask me why that happens. But at my age, I’m just happy that it does!<
Guess I won’t be able to avoid some bone huh? 
Q
Salem: Thanks!
“rubbing, pulsating… squeezing melons…nibbles”
Cold shower coming up!
Q
A bit of advice on the oil: Pour a little (and I do mean a little: you don’t need much) into your hands to warm it up before applying. Oh, and make sure your hands are warm too. Cold hands on bare flesh are NOT relaxing.
On scents… if you’re using scented oil, I would suggest having some unscented on hand just in case your partner doesn’t like the scent you picked. Perhaps you could visit a place like the Body Shop and pick out a scent together? That way you know you both like it.
Learn to use more than your hands. One method that I invented in my massage class was to use the underside of my forearm. Place it across your subject’s back and make small circular motions as you work your way up the spine. Make full contact all the way across your forearm to distribute the pressure evenly.
Another good move is to use both hands. Gently gather (or scoop) up a muscle mass and then use your other hand to “knead” it once or twice. This technique gives the best results when working along the edges of the rib cage under the arms. Relocate about one inch each time and repeat the motion. I generally prefer to work from bottom to top. Most people concentrate a lot of tension in the neck and shoulders area. Starting at the waist permits the person to relax a bit before you tackle the area that will need the most work.
Spread your index and middle finger about two inches apart and use them to apply moderate force on either side of the backbone. Work your way up the spine inch by inch with an oscillating up and down motion. This will relax the two long bands of muscle that run parallel to the spine.
For a bit of Swedish or Shiatsu style of impact, hold your hand with the fingers splayed apart by ¼" to ½". Using a light “karate chop” impact, allow your fingers to come together as you gently strike your subject’s back with the edge of your hand. This will restore circulation and provide a pleasant tingling sensation. A rippling sort of drumming sound will indicate when you are using the correct amount of force. You should be able to hear all of your fingers individually bump against each other as your hand closes with each impact.
Another kinetic technique involves gently slapping your subject’s back with cupped hands. A light popping noise will indicate when you are using the correct amount of force. This method also has therapeutic applications. A subject who is experiencing extreme pulmonary congestion (i.e., accumulation of fluid in the lungs) should lie on an inclined plane with their head facing downwards. Using fair to moderate force, apply the same cupped hands “slapping” method. This will loosen the accreted phlegm and allow the subject to expectorate it.
Many people are ticklish. NEVER intentionally tickle your subject, even playfully. This will cause them to tense up A LOT, thus defeating your best intentions. If your subject is ticklish, work around those areas, even if it means starting with their neck and shoulders. Wait until they have begun to relax before gently addressing such sensitive areas. Be sure to use a firm and steady application of pressure, as too light a touch is easily misperceived as tickling.
One last move that I forgot to mention:
Ball both of your hands up into fists. Start at your subject’s waistline and apply your closed hands with their knuckles down. Gently roll your hands like a sort of steamroller until the backside of your hand has come into contact. Once you have rolled your hands over all the way, remain in contact and, with a circular motion, apply a gentle rubbing force as you rotate your hands upwards and back into their starting position once more. Roll your hands up their back another two or three inches rotate and repeat. Try to stage your last application so that your knuckles roll over their shoulder and collarbone region on the final cycle. Repeat this a few times. The protrusion of your knuckles will provide a pleasing stimulation similar to those massage devices with all the spinning wooden balls.
Zennie: Thanks, my friend!
Note to self: Gotta keep him away from my wimmen! I mean, this guy’s a gourmet cook, a multi-instrument musician, he can do massages, and he’s a super nice guy. Hell, all he has to do is walk into a room and I might as well hang it up!
Q
my word, zenster…are you married? Never mind, I am. dammit
I second Quantum Butterfly’s suggestion, but I would go one step further and suggest putting the oil bottle in a basin of hot water for about 5 minutes. Also, full body rubs are much preferred over stopping at the base of the spine. I am putty in Mr. Maureen’s hands when he rubs my feet after rubbing all the way down my legs.
p.s. the body has a back AND front side. Don’t be afraid to rub both. FANTAAASTIC foreplay
I think you need practice, LOTS and LOTS of practice.
When would you like me to come over?
This may sound weird, but top of the arms, like bicep/tricep area is a really nice spot to hit too. I had someone giving me a backrub do that once and it felt just wonderful.
Also, in March, I got a hand massage for the first time in my life. So, so relaxing.
Not weird at all, 100watts.
As mentioned in my first post, the neck and shoulders are where most people accumulate muscular stress. The upper arms are directly connected to this region and suffer much of the same fate.
To massage the arms, begin at the shoulder (once they have been worked already) and place the fingers of both hands under the upper arm. Use both of your thumbs to create an opposed sort of kneading action. Gently clamp the biceps in the web of each hand and extrude the muscle from between them as if your are trying to scrape off wet paint from the skin. Adjust your applied force according to the subject’s response factor (otherwise known as “moaning intensity”). Continue down the forearm with this same kneading and extruding action until you reach the metacarpal (wrist and palm) area.
Support the subject’s palm with your fingers underneath it and gently work the backside with both thumbs. Be sure to carefully curl the subject’s palm (like reaching into a jar) as well. Make sure to hold your thumbs still and use your index and middle fingers to apply smooth circular kneading motion to the palm’s inside too. When you arrive at the fingers, softly grip the palm in one hand and use your other to work each digit in turn. Apply gentle clamping force with your thumb opposed to your index and middle fingers underneath. As you work your way out to the fingertip, carefully pull on the digit to release stress as well. At some point, be sure to curl the entire hand into a fist and then open it again once or twice.
You may also take each finger and grip it within your closed hand and apply a similar extruding force like that mentioned above in the upper arm section of this procedure. Be sure to work the subject’s thumb and do not neglect the web of the palm. As a final move, slightly elevate the person’s palm and use a jiggling sort of pulling motion to wiggle each finger in turn. While you do this, gently slide your grasp upon the digit out to the fingertip. Finish by clasping the subject’s entire hand between both of your own palms and make a slight circular motion as if you were rolling cookie dough into a ball.
IMPORTANT NOTES: Every so often, during transitions between major body areas, be sure to leave one hand in contact with the subject’s body while you restore circulation in your other hand. Do this by flailing it in the air as if you are trying to shake some water off of it. Another way to view this is as if you have been absorbing energy from your subject’s body and must periodically release it from your own. Although this is a distinctly nonscientific way of viewing things, it is a useful image for reminding one’s self to eliminate accumulated stress from your own body during the massage.
Make sure to carefully monitor your subject for what is known in chiropractics as, “recruiting.” This is when the subject anticipates your next action and tries to “help” you by positioning their body or assisting in any lifting of limb or appendage. Discourage this at all times. What is really happening is that your subject is tensing up and inducing more stress into the exact region you are trying to relax. Always look for this by minutely relaxing your grasp and checking to see that the limb or appendage you are working begins to fall out of your hands. If this does not happen, admonish your subject to let go entirely and just relax.
Note: I HATE HATE HATE having my fingers or toes pulled on, even gently. It gives me the creeps, and would completely wreck the intent of the massage (relaxation). You might want to check before doing that to somebody.
Otherwise…well, anybody want to practice?
Maureen’s right, you should definitely pre-warm the oil. Anything cold will undo all the good relaxation you’ve achieved.
Other advice from an untrained-but-enthusiastic back-rubber:
If you try to apply too much pressure with your fingers, they will get tired and sore. When you want to apply pressure, apply it from your arms. Shift between using your fingers and using the forearm and the heel and edge of your hand. This will keep your fatigue down.
Use a light touch. I will almost guarantee that you are stronger than you think you are. Remember, the instant you press too hard, you undo a lot of your good work. Pain makes people tense up.
Never neglect the legs and feet. I generally leave them until after the backrub, because that fits with the image I try to encourage: that of tension slowly draining away, down the back and legs and out of the feet. Stay gentle and careful, and use the heel of your hand on the leg muscles while bracing the leg from below–fingers tend to put too much point-pressure on large muscle groups. Pay special attention to the top of the foot at the ankle–the muscle at the junction can become surprisingly tense and sore, particularly in a woman who wears high heels. You thumb works very well on the arch of the foot, but will tire quickly; when it does, use the heel of your hand. Finish the foot/leg massage by starting at the top of the thigh again and working your way down to the toes with a gentle rolling/pulling motion.
Not if you’ve been playing the piano for 39 years…
Oh my God. I’m old. :eek:
But not too old to give a great back rub. Or receive one, either, for that matter.
Omigod! All these offers of practice, and all these great techniques! I may just open up my own black marker massage parlor!
Q
Gee, Quasi, I never thought of bringing markers in to it. Hmmm…body art. Do you think you could expand the choice of colors though?
Well then, no massage for you, whiterabbit! You are the only person who has ever expressed such a dislike in my three decades of massaging people.
Goodness knows that if I accidentally forgot and pulled on your finger, you might fart just to get back at me!