Why not?? If we can have virtual marriages (yeah, I misread the other thread title) then why not virtual massages. So, this is the place to get 'em or give 'em. A variety of lotions and oils are available, plus fluffy towels and soft, upholstered furnishings. C’mon in!
As for me, I’m gonna plop into this comfy recliner and wait for a kind soul to massage my poor, tired tootsies. Only those with warm hands need apply. I promise that they’re nice and clean and properly pedicured.
Anyone? Anyone??
I don’t know about feet, FCM, but I’ll gladly offer my services for anything from a hand massage to hot buttered rum sensual[sup]*[/sup] rub downs. All I ask in return is a massage of my own, my back is killin’ me!
*: see profile.
I was just remarking to a friend that I’d gladly give a hundred dollars to anyone who would rub my neck for an hour. Nobody volunteered.
I’ll most definately settle for a virtual neck rub. 
Just the thought that someone might actually want to give me a real one if they could makes me feel better already.
I don’t know if I give good massages or not, but I’ve never had anyone complain, and I do have really big hands. (I reach an octave and 4 on the piano with relative ease if that gives you any idea.) So I’m available I suppose.
OK, thinksnow, if you can rub the kinks out of my hands, I’ll see what I can do for your back…
and Simetra, I don’t want your cash, but if you warm up your hands and wrap them around my feet for a while, I’ll let my freshly massaged fingers dance on your neck…
Whaddya think??
:walks in wrapped in a towel holding a bottle of jasmine-scented oil, walks up to thinksnow:
Well, since I’m not having a real massage until next week… and I’ll gladly reciprocate after I recover.
Prop those feet up and make yourself comfortable, FairyChatMom! I give the best virtual foot massage on the SDMB! (And I’m not half bad at the real thing, for that matter, or so my better half tells me. :))
If you’ll give me enough room to sit on the end of the recliner, let me take your left foot into my lap. First, I’m going to massage your heel, squeezing from the outside in. How’s that feel so far? I thought so.
Now let me move on to your arch - I’m going to use my thumbs here, press and ease, press and ease, press and ease, all the way from the heel to the ball of the foot. Arches get so tired when you’ve been on your feet all day - let’s do that a second time.
Now on to the ball of the foot - the part that gets the real workout every day. Now we apply some rolling, circular pressure with the thumbs. How firmly do I press? As hard and firm as you like. (No, no, I’m not talking about that. You and your dirty mind. ;)) Let me know if you’d like it harder. How’s that?
Finally, to ease off, the toes. No serious pressure needed here, just a little bit underneath, while I wiggle them around and warm them up a bit.
Now the other foot…
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Now. Can I talk anyone out of a backrub?
porcupine, can I say that that’s a great post-to-sig match? 
Uh, FCM, I’ll…uh…get back to you. [sub]sorry[/sub]
<grand sweeping gesture to the table>
Now, porcupine, shall we? Face up first, please.
<turns on Enya and lights some incense>
<rubbing hands and adding a light coating of oil>
Starting with your right hand, I squeeze and whorl my fingers and thumbs, compressing and releasing, compressing and releasing. Working my way up your arm, rubbing and pulsing, pulling the tension away with every stroke. Reaching your shoulder, I raise your arm, extending and lightly pulling it, expanding your lungs, drawing out every bit of stress. Gently, I lay your arm back down by your side and move to your left side to repeat the actions there.
That finished, I move around and above your head. Time to work on those shoulders. A little more oil and…there we go. Sliding my hands under your back, I pull with me your worries and cares. Clasping your shoulders, squeezing and sliding, I can feel you soften in my hands. Rubbing the back of your neck, lifting your head and giving support as I run my fingers through your hair and grace your scalp, stopping to circle the temples.
“You have lovely skin, dear.”
With that, I will have to promise to return, as the office is closing. Sorry to leave you in mid-massage, I’ll make it worth your while to stay until I come back!
Where’s Vestal Blue?
I can’t believe that someone said “massage” and he wasn’t the first one in here.
Well, I’ll just wait, me and this bottle of warm cinnamon oil…
iampunha reporting for duty. I’m well-versed in most forms of mainstream massage, and I have that special something . . . just ask my virtual wives:)
RTF you are now my very favoritest DC Doper… Would it be tacky of me to present my feet for a rub while we’re waiting for our pizza???
<snicker snicker - oh, the mental image that created!! :D>
I was lucky enough to be judge of a massage contest between a number of my male friends yesterday (insert orgasmic moans here). I’m in the mood again, actually, I’m never not in the mood.
::Strips off clothes and lays down waiting::
Now, what’s wrong with being tacky?! 
If you wash your feet before leaving the hotel, and put on clean socks, sure.
Too bad this isn’t a little less virtual…
Yeah, it’s a shame.
Isn’t it though?
Well, I am always up to hand out a few massages & backrubs. RTF gets a quickie backrub first, as RTF did the 1st footrub, and needs to get “destressed” to be able to get on with another.
Now, situp in this chair, remove your glasses (if any), and relax. Starting with the shoulders 1st, we concentrate on any stress point & muscle knots. We then do the upper arms, and then the front shoulders. Then, scalp & face- with a lite touch.
Next?
Yeah, that’s what I say, but my spoilsport of a hubby seems to think I should behave like an adult in public. “Example for the younger generation” indeed!
**
[indignant]Wash my feet? Put on clean socks? Who do you think you are, my mother??? [/indignant] oops, sorry… having a moment there… Let’s just pretend this little exchange didn’t happen, 'k??
What exchange?
From one fortysomething to another, my plan is to start acting like an adult in public when I’m in my coffin. Although maybe I could persuade my survivors in advance to print out Scylla’s ‘Goat Porn’ and ‘Evil Nazi Groundhog’ threads and put 'em next to my coffin at the wake. No sense in growing up too soon!
Yeah, pizza covered with small bits of FCM toe.