Are you saying your little brother is an unforgiving little weenie? Maybe that’s because you don’t have any faith in him being able to do that. But I’ll tell you, anyone who doesn’t learn to forgive at an early age will grow up to be a real drag to be around (and probably won’t have any friends at all). Everyone makes mistakes, and kids need to learn that.
I didn’t say to become a doormat. The statement needs to be taken in the context it was offered. I stand by my original assertion that everyone needs to learn forgiveness if they want to function in this society.
A child can be forgiving without being a doormat. A child can be forgiving and still be assertive, proud, and confident. You might want to start teaching your little brother how to use the assets he has to become more well-rounded. Forgiveness is necessary from one-on-one friendships to world relations. Look at us and Germany, Japan, Vietnam, England, etc. etc. etc.
What are you going on about forgiving for? The children that are bullying Nvme77’s kid don’t need to learn forgiveness. They need to learn respect for others. These kids aren’t making mistakes nor do they need to learn forgiveness. They did not mistakenly smash Little 77’s water pistol nor should they have then said “I forgive you”.
Yes, my brother is a little weenie but he is not unforgiving. He just has no respect for his family because he has learnt, through our unending forgiveness, that he has no need to be. Forgiveness only plays a role in how we treat him, not how he treats us. Little 77 needs to learn forgiveness, but he should not learn to always forgive and forget.
Yes, a child can be forgiving and assertive but not in their entirety and at the same time. If you teach a child to always forgive, they will not be assertive unless they are taught that as well. You cannot expect a child to grow assertiveness on their own. My brother has proven that children cannot be taught through solely forgiving them. And as for comparing it to world relations, forgiving a country has little to do with forgiving a person.
Invite the neighborhood kids over to play.
Slather the trampoline down with a quart of Vaseline.
Arrange two chairs upstairs by an overlooking window.
Sit down with your son, put your arm around him and watch hilarity ensue.
Obviously, you have no idea what I’m talking about. Re-read what I said. Everyone needs to learn forgiveness, through example, the bullies might learn that they are not garbage to be discarded because they made a mistake (yes, treating people like shit is bad but it is also a mistake). No one is asking them to forgive little 77. You have missed the point entirely.
Well, your parents need to learn that forgiveness isn’t a free pass to be an asshole. There is disciplline (and punishment) involved as well. No one by you said anything about “no consequences”. nvme77 can tell the bullies that when they learn how to play nicely with her kid, they’ll be invited over to play on the trampoline. Punishment and forgiveness. The concept isn’t all that tough.
Duh.
No one said they would.
You’re obviously very young. They have everything to do with each other. It’s all people dealing with people.
Kalhoun is right about how it would be a good idea for you to get to know the other families. Kids do things that they know are wrong all the time when they are in unsupervised groups. This doesn’t mean that they’re not being taught to value and respect others at home, but just that they want to go along with the crowd. The parents may be shocked to learn what their kids are doing.
Does your son have problems getting along with most children that aren’t relatives? If he does, maybe you should take him into a situation where there is a group of children that aren’t abusive to him and watch the way he interacts with them. If he has problems making friends, you might be able to figure out what he’s doing “wrong” and give him some pointers. I don’t mean to say that the bullying is your child’s fault, of course. The reason that I say this, is because I had a similar experience for awhile when I was a child. My parents did the right thing by stopping the bullying, but I wish that they could have realized that part of my problem at the time stemmed from a lack of skills for interacting with people my own age.
I wouldn’t let the other kids use the trampoline because they shouldn’t get the joy of abusing your kid, then using his stuff. They’ve shown that they don’t like him for some reason, they shouldn’t get to use him until a “cooler” kid gets a toy that’s more fun than a trampoline.
You said nothing about everyone needing to learn forgiveness, you imply that you should teach forgiveness to bad children, which by your example cannot be done. The context in which it was offered is great for an adult who understands such matters but a child does not understand. If you treat a child, solely with forgiveness and without being punished, like you stated in your post, they will believe what they did was acceptable. Treating people like shit is not a mistake, because a mistake implies an accident. The event was deliberate, remember that. The kids, while they should not be considered as garbage themselves, need to be taught that little 77 isn’t garbage either, because that’s how he is being treated at the minute.
Let me see. So you think at the end of WW2, Germany and England said sorry and forgave each other. Ummmm, NO! Germany was decimated and its government taken over by the Allies. A country doesn’t forgive another country, it just changes its policy. Whatever will best benefit a country it does, simple as. That is in no way similar to how we behave with other people.
Getting away from this argument and back on topic, I do agree with Kalhoun about getting to know the parents.
Forgiveness should only go to those who have expressed remorse and regret.
I would not let any of the bullies jump on the trampoline. They have not earned your son’s friendship, so they don’t get to play with the cool toys. I would also be very quick about telling anyone who shows up unexpectedly to leave.
I also said that if they can’t learn to play nice, they would be asked to leave. You need to repeat things constantly with young children. Both punishment and forgiveness. If most parents didn’t do this, all kids would be SOL all the time.
And exactly what relationship do you think we have with the Japanese today? They bombed us, we bombed them. They agreed to knock it off and we went and rebuilt their country. We now have a great relationship with them. Is that not forgiveness? Ditto to us and the English, the Germans, and Vietnam. Countries forgive each other ALL THE TIME. We are living proof of that.
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This is not the place to keep arguing Kalhoun so unless you want to open a thread in GD then this is the last of it.
You cannot compare the relations between countries to the relationships between people. Countries are not sentient entities. When Japan surrendered and America came and helped rebuild it was because it was a decision that best suited both parties, Japan were able to recover and prevent more loss of life and the USA were able to benefit financially, not because they forgave the atrocities that occurred.