What’s interesting to me is how sometimes people can not realize the power dynamic. I know, because it happened to me. I made what I thought was an innocuous but flirty comment to a coworker once, but she happened to be several years younger and an office assistant. She got creeped out, and let me know it, and told me to leave her alone, which I did. I realize after the fact the power dynamic at play and know the situation was inappropriate, and I’m sorry for how I behaved. I’m sure if I ever became noteworthy, someone could drag up this and a couple other clumsy flirting attempts from my past (in college) to paint me as a serial predator, when that’s the furthest from the truth.
The accusation was made in 2014, but the incident is alleged to have occurred in 1984/85. No police report or investigation, as the claimant only recently decided to come forward. I don’t know that she has contacted any authorities on this matter, just that she decided to blog about it.
Here is the blog post. It is somewhat lengthy before it gets to the accusation.
I found all the typos and weird woo stuff to be personally off-putting, so I’m trying to distance that from the accusation itself. Her description of what happened is very vague, as she says she was drugged and passed out, awoke once during the assault, then passed out again. Unfortunately, that is characteristic of being drugged, but makes it hard to assess. The defense seems lacking because the accusation is incredibly vague.
These are good questions.
I don’t know what the Jules/Vincent foot massage test is.
That seems a bit… classist? Like “real men” aren’t in to wine and cheese, except to impress women.
Here’s some more detail: Allegedly(?), Tchiya Amet confronted Tyson about the 1984 alleged rape at a 2010 panel the physicist was hosting.
It wasn’t until 2014, however, that Amet (a) blogged about the alleged rape, and (b) filed a police report. This is also covered in the link above (Huffington Post, if that means anything).
Basically, the original question is “How intimate is a given action between two people?” The characters Jules and Vincent disagree about how intimate a foot massage is. Jules tells Vincent a foot massage is not necessarily sexual, and that he’s given his mother foot massages. Vincent wins the debate by complaining of aching feet and asking Jules to give HIM a foot massage. Jules is reduced to spitting out an annoyed “Eff you!”.
Gross. He needs to own up to it. Admit that he used his power and privilege to try and obtain sexual benefits, and that it was wrong and he harmed many women that he worked with or near. I’m still hopeful that some of these (hopefully former) harassers might actually recognize (eventually) how wrong their actions were, and try to use their power and privilege on the right side of this issue going forward. Not sure if it’s happened yet. Maybe the “best” high-profile apology so far was from Louis CK, at least by my memory, and it still left a lot to be desired, IMO. And (based on what I read online about his recent appearances at comedy clubs) he appears to be trying to come back without having done anything to make it right for his victims.
If by “another way” you mean “a way that has nothing to do with the first way” then yes, that is another way of putting it. Nobody is saying that NDT should get a pass on sexual harassment just because he’s on the right side of the climate change debate.
What if I like beer? Like, a lot? Does that change anything?
Maybe I overreact to this stuff but I sometimes worried by just talking to women at work they would think I was hitting on them if I was just making small talk and not talking about work.
I wonder that as well. How are they to know if I’m just making casual conversation or if I’m wanting more? If I see a guy at the elevator, I can ask him about the weather, what he’s working on, what vacation plans he has, etc. and there’s no confusion about if I’m trying to hit on him. There’s no issue that I’m making small talk with him even though I’m 30 years older than he is. But a woman always has to be on guard wondering if that “hi” is just a greeting or the beginning of a come on. I’m not worried about being accused of anything, but I’ve generally refrained from starting conversations like that with women because I don’t want them to have to worry about what my intentions are.
There’s nothing to worry about, as long as you don’t talk about anything intimate or appearance related. You can talk about the weather, or sports, or work-related stuff, or movies/TV/literature (as long as you’re not talking about sex or who you’re attracted to on screen), and much more. Just use common sense, don’t say things that might easily be misinterpreted, and if you make a mistake, just apologize for it and back off.
I should add that every year I take an online class at work about sexual harassment so that makes me more aware of the topic. I believe a lot of places now have those classes.
Even if the conversation is totally non-sexual, there’s always the possibility of misunderstanding of why I may be talking to her in the first place. Asking about work, the weekend, TV shows, etc. can be both random small talk and also be trying to lay the groundwork for more indepth conversations as part of a come on. She may be wondering as to my motivations for talking to her in the first place. It’s not like I’m making inappropriate comments like she has a nice haircut and stuff like that.
Another example might be waiting in a long line. I can chat with another guy about how the line is so long, it’s going so slow, etc. and neither of us is thinking that the other is trying to hook up. But a woman always has to wonder what the guy’s intentions are. She has to worry that if she’s too nice, the guy might take that as an invitation and become a creepy stalker.
Yes, people wonder about things. That’s always going to happen. It’s not a big deal if people wonder about things, as long as the behavior doesn’t cross any lines of inappropriateness. If she wonders “is this guy interested in me?”, and all you do is say “good morning” and sometimes talk about the weather, then you haven’t done anything wrong. And neither has she. It’s okay to wonder, or to have others wonder, as long as the behavior remains appropriate.
My point is that unless there’s some compelling reason for me to talk to her, there’s no need for me to initiate a conversation. I don’t want to put her in the position of having to wonder about my intentions. If she wants to make idle chit-chat, I’ll leave that up to her. So other than an initial “hi” or something, I’ll generally stay quiet.
If you are talking to a guy, he may think that you are trying to become friends with him, that you want to get a beer and a pizza with him after work and watch the game. He may not actually like you very much, and is just responding to your chat out of politeness.
You may see it as a way to pass the time without being bored, they may see it as you imposing on them to be social when they would rather just be in their own private thoughts.
Do you ever consider that the guy that you are chatting up may be uncomfortable with you? Why not? You should consider it, it is a very real possibility.
