I have a couple of friends who are assholes. Charismatic assholes who are good to their friends can be worth it. 
Redacted.
Sadly I have to agree. My favorite asshole friend passed away this past Thanksgiving. And even he thought Harlan Ellison was an asshole.
I would say that depends on who they are assholes to, and how.
My asshole friend enjoyed taking the piss out of conservative Christians. He would talk loudly about gay sex around them. He hated Trumpers, oh boy. Lifelong Detroit progressive. Whether he was in a restaurant, at the grocery store or walking down the street, he would confront people. He just loved to rile people up, though, regardless of their beliefs. For a while he would try to piss me off with sexist comments. He’s not sexist, he’s just a troublemaker. Eventually I realized he just wanted attention and stopped giving it to him. He was a troubled man, and as the years passed he started getting therapy and became a lot nicer, actually. Not to Trumpers, but at least to the rest of us!
I miss him.
Ah, that kind of asshole.
Yes, some of them are worth it; if they’re punching up or sideways.
There is a quite famous story where at a con he wound up in an elevator with a statuesque, tall fan. He asked her, “What would you say to a little fuck?”
“I would say, ‘How ya doing, little fuck?’”
Well, unless you believe women, that is…
well, that and the complete lack of denial by the NZ police. Or by Gaiman’s own lawyer.
She definitely reported it. That the NZ police (and, again, Amanda Palmer) let her down should be absolutely no surprise to anyone actually aware of how shitty the system handles sexual assault cases.
ah. that last part made it make sense. I was like, he thought it was okay to be sexist, and you had to not give him attention? Doesn’t sound like someone I would think you’d like.
But, hey, otherwise nicer guy calling out Trumpers? Can’t hate anyone for that.
We are all writers, and our group has been running ten years. I would describe the tone of the overall group as irreverent and we all have our flaws and that’s how it works. You don’t get to have your own flaws if you don’t allow others theirs. Working with him and the group in general gave me a thicker skin but it also gave me a place to be more fully myself. It’s a very vulnerable thing, sharing your work with someone. So even with our rough edges it’s a bond that’s hard to break.
My friend in particular would go through these phases where he would lash out due to fear of abandonment, then he’d disappear for months, but he eventually came back. He was an exceptional writer and I found his feedback really valuable. At a certain point I just stopped taking his personal issues personally.
Contrast that with another charismatic asshole my husband and I knew, that eventually we completely cut ties with. We went to college with him and he was always saying wildly inappropriate things. He had no moral center. He was a liberal who worked for the Trump campaign just for the experience. He was the most misogynistic person I have ever known personally. He lived in Japan for close to a decade, and eventually ended up marrying a Japanese woman who he gleefully described as “the most racist person I have ever met.” He expected her to be subservient. Unsurprisingly things went south pretty quickly with them.
I think there is a time in my life where I would have put both of these men in the same mental category, but the writers group taught me that it’s okay to give some people grace. We live in a culture that is relatively short on grace these days, and man, it has been exhausting. It’s nice to get away from that sometimes.
thanks for reminding me of this. I bought the book and it just languishes in my “to read” pile. I read Straczynski‘s intro last night. Untreated mental illness is a real bitch That, combined with childhood trauma, well, I’m surprised that Ellison was as functional as he managed to be.
Urban legend that is told about many short people.
FWIW, here is a 58 sec. youtube of the interaction. Personally I find it less than shocking. She was very ‘handsy’, doing an infantilization routine, and asking twice if he was ”going to behave.” He then played along by putting the microphone in his mouth, and a few seconds later (it seems to me) lightly placing a hand over her bosom.
To me it doesn’t look lascivious, and I didn’t detect any stroking or palpation or much of a grab. But I’m not Connie Willis.
FWIW, here is a 58 sec. youtube of the interaction. Personally I find it less than shocking. She was very ‘handsy’, doing an infantilization routine, and asking twice if he was ”going to behave.” He then played along by putting the microphone in his mouth, and a few seconds later (it seems to me) lightly placing a hand over her bosom.
To me it doesn’t look lascivious, and I didn’t detect any stroking or palpation or much of a grab. But I’m not Connie Willis.
For some reason, I assumed this happened back in the 1970s or 80s, not well into his pre-stroke dotage.