To: The Trilateral Commission
From: The Illuminati
Cc: Freemasonry, The Secret Masters, Reptoids, New World Order operatives, Zionist International, Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, Knights Templar, and Kittentern.
Genties and Ladlemen of the Audio Radiance:
We have managed once again to convince just about everybody that just about everybody else is wrong and working against them.
Once we have finished construction on the Denver International Airport, we will be able to make our lunar bases fully operational.
This will allow the alien hybrids living in top secret bases under Utah full scope to probe the anal cavities of Appalachian farmers. From there it is only a matter of time until our MIB operatives can place the pre-human artifacts. Once the stars are in proper alignment, Great Cthullu himself will rise and the True Age will begin! IA!
Until such time, please remember to observe the signs in the entryway and remove muddy footwear. All of our cleaning staff may be destined to serve as hosts for the infernal offspring of Shub Niggurath, but until such time as they are impregnated they are doing their jobs, just like you.
A little courtesy never hurt a conspiracy.
Read but not signed by:
Joseph Kennedy, Bigfoot, Elvis Aaron Presley, Steve Guttenberg, Dave Thomas, and a quorum of the Ruling Counsel.