If she had also complained that she was hungry, you could have offered her half a pie.
Dear Algebra: Stop asking us to find your X. Forget it, man, she’s not coming back.
They have just found the gene for shyness.
They would have found it earlier, but it was hiding behind two other genes.
I can eat sugar with either hand…
I’m ambidextrose.
What does a subatomic duck say?
Quark.
or, this shirt:
image|500x500
Seagull, actually.
Diatoms are a gull’s best friend.
Organic chemistry humor, which I first remember seeing in college:
I know a lot of medical jokes but some are pretty niche. So you get this one instead.
‘Four doctors are talking. The British doctor says, “medicine is so advanced in Britain that we cut off a man’s liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he was looking for a job."
The German doctor replies: “That’s nothing. In Germany, we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he was looking for a job.”
The Russian doctor replies: “Well, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another’s chest, and in 2 weeks he was looking for a job.”
The American doctor laughs: “You are all behind us. A few years ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and fake hair, and made him President. Now, the whole country is looking for a job!”
Disclaimer: This is not an ethnic joke I have nothing but the highest respect for the Polish people. Now on to the joke.
To NATO was training joint exercise and was experimenting with integrating crews of different nationalities so that they could learn from eachother. But one US air force Lt.Col. was having a problem. several Polish technicians had been added to his AWACs crew and it was taking time to familiarize them with the complicated avionics, so they were way behind schedule.
When his commanding officer asked him what the problem was his complained that it was hard to integrate with so many Poles on the complex plane.
This is worth a look.
With the international mathematics conference in town, the bars around the convention center were hopping.
As was her custom, the evening manager was going from table to table greeting her guests. When she got to the first table, there were eight mathematicians seated. Strange, she thought, since there were only six seats, but some of them were getting a bit frisky and were sitting on others’ laps.
When she got to the second table, there were four mathematicians seated. A bit more normal, she thought. Probably continuing some debate from the afternoon session.
When she got to the third table, there were two mathematicians seated. Ah, convention love, she sighed.
When she got the the fourth table, there was just one mathematician seated. Well, these mathematicians are sometimes solitary types, she thought.
When she got to the fifth table, she called the police.
… and do the CAPES LOCK?
nevermind - I get my cloak and show myself out
OK, that’s much better than the version I heard with ATC trying to talk John Paul II through landing an airliner, after the pilot had a heart attack.
I remember this on a bumper sticker:
\frac{2P}{H^3} = AuH_2O
(2P = 2 [political] parties, H^3 = Hubert H. Humphrey)
NM, will follow up.
This is the first joke in the thread that has gone over my head.
The next table in the sequence would be 1/2.
Three logicians walk into a bar.
“So, y’all gonna have a beer?”, asks the barman.
Dunno, says the first.
Dunno, says the second.
Yes, says the third.
Never trust an atom…
…they make up everything
*facepalm*. I might have had a better chance of getting that one if it weren’t for the 8 people in 6 seats red herring.
I thought the last one was profound:
“Fifty years ago, if you wanted to see a picture of a raccoon, you either had to already have it or drive to a library. And raccoon in a funny hat? Forget about it.”
Same theme as a New Yorker cartoon:
BEFORE THE INTERNET
“Who played the super on that TV show from the Seventies? The one with the three veterinarians?” “I don’t know.” “Oh, God! We might NEVER KNOW!”