Nerdy, Geeky Jokes

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
161

So, a Native American chief had three wives. The first wife was pregnant, and it was the custom in this tribe, when a woman was pregnant, for the hunters to go kill an animal and bring back its hide for her to give birth on. So the hunters went across the river to the forest, and shot a deer, and brought back its hide, and she gave birth to a boy on it. Very good, said the tribesfolk, he will grow up to be very fast, like a deer.

Then the second wife got pregnant, and so the hunters went across the river, and through the forest, and up the mountain, and they shot a bear, and brought back its hide. She gave birth to another boy, and the tribesfolk all said “Very good, he will grow up to be strong, like a bear”.

And then the chief’s favorite wife, the third one, got pregnant. The hunters knew they would need a special hide indeed for such a remarkable woman, and so they went across the river, and through the forest, and over the mountain. They took their canoes across the Great Water, and came to a distant desert land. There, in a river, they saw a huge, mighty creature such as none in the tribe had ever seen. None knew what it was, but they shot it and brought back its hide, and the third wife, also, had a baby boy.

Well, time passed, and the three boys grew up, and the Chief decided that it was time to choose who would be his heir and successor, so he held a contest of athletic ability. The first son ran for two miles, and then lifted a 100-pound stone. The second son ran for a mile, and then lifted a 150-pound stone. And then the third wife said “Forget about these mere boys; I’m going to enter the contest myself”. And she ran for three miles, and then lifted a 250-pound stone.

So you see, the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

162

My apologies; I had been under the impression that “squaw” was merely the Algonquin word for “woman”. I have been informed that it is frequently used as a racist and sexist slur; that was not my intent, but I shall avoid the word henceforth.

Anyone got any other good pun for “square”, to re-write the joke?

163

…squire?

164

the squire of the hippopotamus is equal to the squires of the two other hides?
And with a knight who needs to select a new squire and organized some hunting ? :thinking:

165

Were squires merely youthful helpers, Robins to a Batman? Or were squires more often teen boys ripe for sexual abuse by their elder master?

I sure don’t know, but human nature is kinda eternal when it comes to matters of sex and power. What changes is which aspects of that eternal nature any given time and place finds normal and which aspects it chooses to mark as taboo.

My point being, if we put “squire” under the 2022 social justice magnifying glass, will we see something not much better than “squaw” in terms of current connotations? I don’t have an answer, but I suspect it’s not a nut-picky question.

166

I think that the “squire” version would need to use “rides” instead of “hides”. So you’d have two knights riding more mundane mounts, and one riding a hippopotamus.

167

That is one shaggy dog tale! And the only joke I can think of that starts with native American culture and ends in ancient Greece.

168

In the Middle Ages, they were young men who served as assistants to knights, and were typically also knights-in-training. In the Arthurian myth, Arthur started out as a squire to Sir Kay.

At the Catholic high school that I attended, our sports teams were called the Squires; our school had been spun off from a nearby Catholic college, the teams for which were known as the Green Knights.

169

Wow. Heck of a typo.

170

171

Did you go to Pennings? I went to Norberts!

172

Not a typo at all.

“Nut-picking” is a modern term for a form of malicious nitpicking done by whackjobs and partisans and conspiricists attempting to attack sensible information with deliberately obtuse or “aha gotcha!” questions.

I was trying to convey that although I don’t know the history of how squires were really treated in Olden Tymes, I did not think I was simply making an unsupported accusation in pursuit of a hostile agenda.

173

I did, indeed!

174

After reading this thread yesterday, I told my wife the following story.

The Green Knight has three squires, Arden, Bannic, and Cummer. GK sets all three the task of shooting an animal, skinning it and coming back with the skin. Arden shoots a deer and returns; Bannic shoots a bear and returns. Cummer finds a large animal sitting in a rivers, shoots and returns. Each is sitting on his animal skin. Then GK tells each to run as far as he can in a half hour. Arden goes 4 miles and collapses. Bannic manages 6 miles, while Cummer gets to 10 miles. Then GK tasks each with lifting the largest weight he can. Arden stops at 100 lb, Bannic gets to 150 lb, while Cummer manages 250 lb. The moral of this story is that [left to the reader, although I did deliver it to my wife].

175

Bravo!

176

“Squire” was also a term for a landowning member of the minor aristocracy - c.f. Squire Trelawney from Treasure Island. So you could make the joke hinge on, say, a horse race between sons of the local gentry, if you wanted to avoid the subject of boys working for older men. Or if you really want to get obscure, you could work in an archaic English land unit, the hide.

177

I can confidently state that there was no sexual abuse between knights and their squires. And when I say “none”, I mean a certain amount.

178

Dioxygen difluoride, O2F2 is often called “FOOF” because of the way the atoms are linked in the molecule.

“FOOF” is also the sound it makes when it blows up your laboratory.

179

What do you do with a sick chemist?

You can helium, hoping to curium.
But if that fails, barium!

180

So, there’s a Neanderthal family, and they’re sending their son to school, so he can get smarter and evolve. One day, after school, Mom asks him how his day was. “OK, but I missed the bus this morning.”
“Oh? How did you get to school, then?”
“No big deal; I called up my friend who lives over in Hamilton, and they picked me up on the way and gave me a ride.”
The mother is aghast: “You must never do that again! Because if you commute with the Hamiltonian, you’ll never evolve!”