Never give a gift to someone you don't know well.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Last year, Mr. Rilch woke me up after the second plane had hit the towers, but before they had fallen. I had four cigarettes, and by the time the second tower had collapsed, I’d smoked all of them.

Reasoning that if LA was going to be hit next, it wouldn’t matter if I were at home or two miles away at the smoke shop, I hopped in my car and drove over there. Unfortunately, I had no cash. Told Mike, the owner, “You know I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t an emergency—” He just handed me a pack.

See, at that time, nobody really knew what the rest of the day held. Rumors were flying: truck bomb in front of the Capitol; Cheney stricken by a heart attack. LA might have been next, although we don’t have a big physical target. I’m fairly certain that Mike was reasoning that by nightfall, it might not matter if he got his three bucks or not.

And I wasn’t even able to pay him until Thursday, because my check was held up in the mail. I did pay, and it was never spoken of again.

Today I went in with a tiny stuffed St. Bernard.

“You remember last year, when I wanted a pack of cigarettes and had no cash, and you trusted me not to rip you off…well, I thought this little guy would be a good mascot. You know, brandy and cigars…”

He thanked me, but couldn’t accept it on account of he’s “superstitious about dogs”.

Sigh. Years ago, the owner of a totally different kind of business did a rush job for me on something, and did exemplary work on it, thereby saving my job. I wanted to thank him with candy. But he didn’t eat chocolate. Five years ago, Mr. Rilch was ill, and the nursing staff in the ER tended to him, long before the doctor got around to him. Without their efforts…well, let’s just say the MD would have been telling us something very different from what he did say. I wanted to thank the RNs with gourmet coffee. Can’t accept gifts, I was told.

So now I finally get the message. Don’t try to give a gift to someone you don’t know well. And I have the sneaking sense that it’s “tacky” to reward someone for what they feel is merely doing their job. In all these cases, I think these people went above and beyond, and deserved some appreciation, but I can’t force someone to accept something, especially if they genuinely don’t like it. :frowning:

[sub]Just MHO, but I think there’s not enough money and time in the world to properly compensate RNs and EMTs. However, that is hardly up to me![/sub]

2

Wow, three different experiences where the symbol of your heartfelt gratitude was rejected. Ouch!

“Superstitious about dogs” - (giggle)

Don’t know what to say. I feel for you. Maybe next time you should just try a card?

3

I’ll tell you what’s tacky: REFUSING a heartfelt gift. The nurses I can understand, but heck, I don’t eat chocolate, and if you’d brought me chocolate to thank me that way I’d have accepted gratefully, and probably eaten one right then if you’d wanted me to. The rest I would have given to someone who does eat chocolate, of course, but really; they should have accepted and thanked you and said modestly that they didn’t deserve it, etc.

You did the right thing; keep spreading good cheer.

4

Thank you!

See, I’ve been in that position a time or two, and I chose not to blushingly refuse, because I would have felt more awkward doing that than accepting. I can understand about the dog, because if his superstition is really deep-seated, he might not even have wanted to have it in the shop all day before giving it to one of his grandkids (he has two). But the print-shop guy could have bestowed the chocolate on his employees, or left it on the counter for other customers.

As far as the nursing staff and the coffee…well, they might have had a really strict policy about accepting gifts. Maybe once, long ago, some former patient or patient’s family member gave a staff member something really outrageous, which caused friction withing the crew. But at least I did two things: a) let them know that they were appreciated, and b) offered something I knew darn well they’d like, in theory. Coffee means a lot more around a hospital than flowers!

Irishman: Yeah, a card. Sounds good!

5

In a profession that involves serious, life-or-death situations, like nursing, I can see why they wouldn’t be allowed to accept gifts: Sooner or later, a situation would come up in which it would appear they’d given preferential treatment to someone who gave them a LARGE gift, at which point the gift would become a bribe.

But yes, your offer let them know they were appreciated, and was worth the effort for that reason alone.

“Superstitious about dogs”? Hmm, I guess I can accept that. Though still, I’m supersitious (read: phobic) about gators, and I think I’d still accept a stuffed gator from a client, though again I’d give it away ASAP. Maybe I’m just not phobic enough to understand.

Anyway, I’m losing my point. I repeat: PLEASE keep spreading good cheer and doing unexpected, nice things for people. It keeps society running happily, as opposed to having it run on the stripped ball-bearings of money. And it doesn’t happen often, which leaves it up to a dwindling base of us to make it happen. (I give a gift to my local video store every year.)

6

You have a kind heart and good intentions. I’d go along with people accepting the gift and then passing it on if there were reasons they couldn’t keep it, such as the chocolate, I’m diabetic and I wouldn’t be able to eat it but I’d certainly accept it and then pass it on to someone else who could enjoy it. The saying, ‘It’s the thought that counts’ really does go a long way and is very true. Don’t stop being a nice guy because of these incidents. We need more people like you around.

7

Auditors and accountants at my company aren’t allowed to accept gifts with a monetary value of over £20 (and even then most managers and partners go with a “no gifts at all” rule) in order to maintain an independent appearance. I can understand the nurses feeling awkward, but I think the others could have handled the offer a little better. Still, it was a really good thing to do - I’m a big believer in little gestures like saying a genuine “thanks” as having the ability to really make someone’s day.

8

you could make a donation to charity in their name.

9

I think Mike the Smoke Shop Owner saw the movie Pay It Forward and didn’t want to have to do three nice things. :slight_smile:

Still, don’t be discouraged. I really, really, really like giving things to people I don’t know well. It made me extremely happy to give CrankyAsAnOldMan a gift certificate recently, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

10

What you did was out of consideration and kindness. Most people would be very flattered that you had thought of them. I agree with all others and please continue to spread the kindness.

Tibs.

11

When my mother was in the ICU after open heart surgery, I baked chocolate chip cookies and brought them up for the nurses. Something like that, with little intrinsic value, should be okay, I think. Anyway, the nurses seemed to like them.

StG

12

Rilchiam,

I think you should keep on being so cool to people who have made you happy, or helped you out. In the cases when it has happened to me, I was very happy. I did refuse a tip once for doing my job because it made me uncomfortable.

Of course, no one ever tried to give me a stuffed dog. I’m terribly superstitious about dogs! (snort)

13

I just wanted to add that if you need a home for that stuffed doggy, I’ll take him in.

Keep making the nice gestures. It truly is the thought that counts.
:slight_smile:

14

You could write a letter to their supervisor expressing your appreciation for their exemplary work, mentioning them by name. Sure, it probably wouldn’t work for the liquor store owner, but it sure would do the nurses a world of good.

15

Rilch -

I still think you did the right thing - even if the giftees were less than appreciative, for whatever reason. “Random acts of kindness” are still a pretty good thing in my book.

For example:
I thought about baking cookies for the local fire dep’t yesterday - but wasn’t sure what their “policy” was on accepting foodstuffs from strangers (isn’t it sad to have to worry about that?)

So I stopped by Pizza Hut and had a pizza sent over. I figured the officers would think that was “safe”.

16

What about a card for those who can’t accept gifts? Or just a hand-written letter?

Would that be appropriate?

17

Fine with me. Email me for my address.
:slight_smile:

18

Wow, I feel like the Great Benefactor! Thanks, guys!