For a long time in my life, I felt much the same way you do, that for long stretches I didn’t really have any close friends. There were times where I had one person I would confide in about many of my most private thoughts and feelings, other times I felt completely isolated. One thing I’ve come to realize, much more recently than I wish I had, is that expecting to find one person to meet all or even most of my needs is rare. Part of this is due to the diversity and particular uncommon nature of my interests, but a lot of it has to just do with the nature of my personality in general.
As others had mentioned, I’m the type of person that a lot of people just feel comfortable opening up to. In the sense that I’ve even had strangers or people I’ve just met open up about intimate details of their lives and seek advice. For me, it’s common enough that I never really drew a distinction between when it happened randomly like that, with general acquaintances, or with actual loved ones in my life. It actually created an odd sort of inverse intimacy, such that I was often more willing to share some of my more private details with relatively less known people, largely because it seemed normal to do so, but also because, realizing that those closest to me were affected by these things, that I didn’t want to burden them with knowing the depths of the various troubles facing me.
What I’ve come to realize, though, is that those who actually trust me not only share with me, but seek my advice, not as confirmation of their pre-existing beliefs, but because they actually value my input. More so, as they’ve come to know me, they will actually seek out me sharing with them because they’ve come to notice that at one point I was open and it somehow changed and they felt that I’d distanced myself from them even as they’ve come to trust and love me more.
And so now, I sort of have a way of knowing pretty well when a relationship with someone has developed to that level. However, even knowing that, it doesn’t necessarily mean that everything is shareable with all of these people. Some of my friends, again just by nature of their interests or personality, even if they’re willing, just aren’t great at connecting with at certain levels on certain topics, and that’s not only okay, but I think it’s good. It helps to create that special intimacy there that makes that relationship special and also helps to relieve me of feeling like I’m burdening any one friend.
So, in short, I always had close friends, I was just to some extent blind to it and to another unwilling to extend the same degree of trust and intimacy they were to me, and when I did, it felt completely natural. And now I know anyone I would call a close friend is someone I can absolutely depend on.