Don’t feel bad, I was about to say the same thing. Until I saw the winking smilie and the fact that it was porcupine who wrote it. I figured she knew the score.
With most women, Tib’s first line would have been death, pregnancy or no. Especially with the ‘attractive’ modifier. Most women know whether they are thin or not, but implying (which Tiburon didn’t mean to do) that they aren’t attractive, even if it were true (which, of course, in this case it is not true) can be rather crushing.
Real-life would be so much easier if we could use parentheses to cover our collective asses.
I cannot even imagine someone saying that to me. The death would be so slow and painful.
The “are you pregnant” question is one area of training I’ve worked on with Allan (husband) along with “compliement qualifiers”. The first one was:
“You look great for just having a baby”. Yikes. He now knows that “you look great” is a complete sentence with no “for just having a baby”, “for just turning 40”, etc tacked on.
I’ve told this story before, but it may make you feel a little better about your gaffe.
I was around 7 months pregnant with twins. I liked soaking in hot baths, it soothed my aching ligaments and made the babies jump around like crazy. By seven months, getting down into the tub was not easy and I made a horrible racket slipping, swooping and finally sorta throwing myself down. My husband thought I’d killed myself and came running into the bathroom only to stop short when he saw me laying comfortably in the water.
He stared for a bit before saying in an awed voice, “You really do look like a beached whale!” Another time he was watching my belly bulge and ripple one day when the kids decided to play basketball in my stomach and said “That looks just like that scene in Alien.”
Reading this thread, I started thinking I had some kind of fetish. When Stef’s mom was pregnant, I thought she got really attractive. You know how pregnant women get that kind of glow about themselves? Yeah, sometimes their face breaks out, and they yerk every morning for the first few months, but that was just kind of background noise to me. I already thought she was gorgeous, but when she got preggers, I couldn’t keep my hands off her (except for aforementioned yerking periods, plus certain others anyone who’s been through this will know). But now, on reflection, I realize it was no fetish–she really did get better looking. Them was the days. Sigh.
Wait, I forgot to tell my real pregnant-woman story!
When I was about 4 months pregnant with my first child and had gained something like 30 lbs. already, I was discussing that with Mr. Legend, who was always known for his honesty. I said, “I know I’ve gained a lot of weight, but I don’t think it really shows except in my belly” and he said, “Um…”
I cried for an hour, and he still, 13 years later, won’t tell me how he thinks a pair of pants looks on me.
I don’t recall saying anything like that the times Mrs. Dave-Guy was preggers. At least, I never said anything that she hadn’t already said. But then, she has a pretty good sense of humor, and a practical, realistic outlook about her appearance. Besides, I’ve told her she always looks good to me, and I say it because I mean it.
I recall saying something that could be construed as mean, although it was meant in fun, and taken in fun.
See, the fact is, she has gained weight over the years. So have I. Hey, when you’re 43, you just don’t have the same body you had when you were 23.
Well, we were talking about clothes shopping, and she said something about how she doesn’t even bother looking at merchandise in “Petite Sophisticates” anymore.
I said, “Why? Because you’re not either?”
Well, it seemed witty at the time, and she laughed. Fortunately.
I laughed when I read Porcupine’s post and then laughed even harder when I got down to those posts where the author didn’t know that Porcupine knew I was a woman. Heh.
It’s good to know I’m not the only one who has made comments that equal death.
So who wants to see pictures of the happy couple???
Although to his credit he is really great about saying things that can even be remotely construed as meaning I’m fat. Must come from having four sisters.
Hehehe…I have to say the first thing out of his mouth when I said “Honey, I’m late” was “Damn, and I was really looking to blowjob week”. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt and assuming he just said that so I wouldn’t worry so.
(The next week when I told him it was official, he was incredibly gushy and happy and that’s why he’s a keeper)
The ugliest thing anyone has said to me, so far this pregnancy was my ex-husband who said, and this is a quote “You probably shouldn’t get too excited about it because you’ll more than likely miscarry.” He just would not freaking shut up about what the doctor said the last time, how I don’t deal well with stress, blah blah blah until I finally hung up on him. I can appreciate how hard it is on him that I’ve fully moved on with my life, but that’s just plain nasty.
Yup, he’s evil. The worst thing is that he does it in his “caring, I’m concerned about you” voice. Ugh. Sick.
You know what’s kind of funny though? When you’re just starting to show, and it’s 95% obvious that you’re pregnant (or have stomach tumor) and you can tell people are itching to ask but are afraid to for fear of offending you. I’m thinking of telling none of my aquaintences I’m pregnant this time and see how long they can refrain themselves from asking.
And could I say something for those of us who got pregnant under (what to you may seem) less than ideal circumstances? Please do not ask if the baby was planned/how this happened/weren’t you on the pill, ect.
And Tibs, I wouldn’t sweat it too much. I can’t speak for all pregnant women, but for myself, there are days when I am simply overemotional and under-reasonable, and I can take anything the wrong way and I do mean anything. And after a few hours or a day have passed I realize that I was just being hormonal/overtired and remember how lucky I am to have such a sweet caring partner who loves me for who I am.
When I was pregnant for the second time with our daughter, the nicest thing I ever heard was, " Y’know, you don’t even look pregnant from behind."
I just glowed from that for days.
(Naturally, during a low hormone moment, the brain brings that back up and plays with it from all different angles and just ruins the compliment. But and butt, over all, I liked both experiences.)
Yeah, I was definitely over-emotional in my second trimester. Now, I’m back to being my usual callous bitchy self.
Tiburon–Give her lots of extra love, hugs, affection, and compliments. For some reason, that’s just what I needed during my over-emotional period, and fortunately, my husband was glad to oblige.
