It’s mine.
We’re not even close to a winner yet. Many, many more have yet to be bored by this thread, so many more will try their hand.
La la la la la la live for todaaaay.
yeah, this idiotic thread of mine has become boring.
time to try to save it.
since i’m putting up the 100 bucks, i can dictate the rules.
the rules have changed. from this point forward, the winner will be the person who posts without a reply for 8 hours, instead of 18. and eligable posts must contain a reference to a john hughes film. a post without a john hughes film reference will be ignored.
This post will not count time-wise or hughes-wise. These changes will take effect at noon, pacific time, thursday.
any post before noon, thursday, will fall under the old rules, k?
I had no idea John Hughes directed Ferris Buellers day out till I looked it up just then. (smooth or what?)
PS who ever posts next has a hideous case of genital warts that science is at a loss to explain. Ewwwww. I pray that its not you.
Zuma is brought to you by John Hughes. John Hughes…the guy who brought you Home Alone 3: Even Macauley Culkin Learned This Franchise Eats And Took The Bye.
Dire Wolf is brought to you by
Juan de Cuba is brought to you in part by DeBeers Mining. DeBeers Mines…don’t be rock stupid.
Lnix is brought to you in part by the Turtles’ Greatest Hits. The Turtles…so happy together.
don Jaime is brought to you by B.F. Goodrich Tires
Gollum is brought to you in part by Krazy Glue. Heh-heh.
Hey, what happened to my beer?!? DIRE WOLF!!!
don Jaime’s beer is brought to you by Schaefer
Schaefer. The one beer to have when you’re having more than one.
As featured in the movie “Dutch”.
“What are you bitchin about? I gotta sleep underneath a guy named after a duck’s dork.”
[danny thomas]
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSPTUI!
[/danny thomas]
You run off with my Bohemia de Mexico and leave me an American beer?!? You asked for it…
Dire Wolf’s beer is brought to you by Red Dog. Red Dog…for that canine beer taste - on ice!
Has it been 18 hours yet?
Hi, my name is Buck, Buck Melanoma.
Moley Russell’s wart.
Hi, my name’s Dick.
Dick Thrustin.
I’m a porn star.
I think that doorknobs are set too low.
Give me all the money, and no one gets hurt!
On a bright sunlit night, as I stared out to sea, I saw a fish falling rapturiously into the net of love. The bird it claimed waded out to it and took that fish into its wings and loved it for its taste. I caught that bird and took it to Norway, where I set up a small porcelainware shop for it to destroy. Within two hours it had a negative sale of -20.39 kroner and fed an ashtray to a sick child. I continued on until I heard the cows had returned to the house and eaten a small hole in the wall; I crawled through and helped them make dinner. We had chicken and toast with marmalade, fortified wine and mashed spinach. The cows sat me down and told me this tale:
In the day Nyetchny Nyitko, the Tricker, went out looking for trouble. She sailed five days and five and came to a small island where only one man lived.
Hello, brother, said Nyetchny Nyitko, are you well?
No, I am lonesome. No one will stay with me on my island. Will you stay a while? I will make a fine breakfast.
Nyetchny Nyitko stayed a long time, talking. The man had nothing to say. He smiled, and cooked a terrible meal of seaweed and pickled vegetables and a half-rotten egg, and said precious little. Well, thought Nyetchny Nyitko, this is my chance. I will brag on myself.
Nyetchny Nyitko had a done a lot. She was a great fighter and fisherwoman. But this paled to what she told now. She had invented agriculture. But this paled to what she told next. She had discovered fire. But this trick paled to what she told after that. She had placed the Wheel of Night in the sky. She spun a tissue of lies that took most of the day, and the man just smiled and ate his awful food and said precious little.
Nyetchny Nyitko asked, did I mention I am a great lover?
And the man said, no, you never did.
Shall I prove it?
If you wish.
Nyetchny Nyitko took the man to bed. But as they got ready, she saw the truth. The man tried to hide beneath a sheet, but she saw his magic. He had great gnashing teeth there! And from between those teeth an enormous spike! It was the Penis Man! Oh, no, thought Nyetchny Nyitko, I can’t let the Penis Man near me. He will stab me!
So Nyetchny Nyitko said, let’s play a game. She took a piece of wood and placed it over the Penis Man. The spike bored the wood and the teeth chewed it to splinters.
Very fine, said Nyetchny Nyitko, let’s play another. She placed a rock on the Penis Man. The spike bored the rock and the teeth ground it to gravel.
Excellent, said Nyetchny Nyitko, let’s play one more.
These games are bland, said the Penis Man. Let’s do something exciting.
Just one more, said Nyetchny Nyitko, and before he could stop her she put a sponge on him. The spike sank deep in the sponge and the teeth wound into it. The Penis Man was stuck. He tried to pull the sponge off, first with one hand, then the other, then with both. Then he lay on his back and tried to force it off with his feet. He scratched and clawed but it was no use. He was caught.
Let us help, said Nyetchny Nyitko. She took the sponge and pulled. The teeth and the spike pulled free with the sponge and skin where they grew fell limp.
Now I am become vulnerable, said the Penis Man. I am soft and delicate. My power can only come for short times now. I need protection. You have destroyed me.
I have made you complete, said Nyetchny Nyitko. Now you are valuable. Women will fight for you, for you are now a prize. We will wait for your power to come. We will protect you and care for you. You will be subservient, but through that gain a new power. Come. You are now mine forever. And the Sun died into the Living Sea and that was the end of that day.
That was the first marriage. Nyetchny Nyitko kept the man and protected him from harm, and in return he gave her his power whenever it returned to him. That Nyetchny Nyitko, the Tricker, wasn’t a bad woman but she sold us short. Now we must endure the men and their complaining and meddling and nagging, all because she showed off to a magician and made him promises. But Nyetchny Nyitko had the last laugh. She was never faithful.
As the cows finished, the fish returned and said that he and the bird were having refreshments, and would I come? So I went.
I understand exactly what you’re trying to say, Don Jaime.
I also like to be heavily medicated myself from time to time.
Whoo?
Whoo.
Whoo?
Ty-whoo, ty-whoo!
I hate to be left Home Alone.
AHEM.
Takes a deep breath and prepairs to speak… turns and walks out instead