I could swear I saw the one-horned demon from “Where Did They Go?” on Sesame Street. I guess he wanted to do something “edgier.”
Did Lamont’s grandma develop telekinetic powers in the panel where he tries to put his hands on her? What the hell was that about?
Oh I think we all know the US government made the diseases and the vaccines. 
Isn’t the whole death of Jesus supposed to be now he’ll forgive anyone who wants to be forgiven? Why should he forgive folks who don’t want to be forgiven? I mean the rules probably aren’t the best, but complaining about them isn’t going to change them. It reminds me of about half the losers of the Superbowl, “But the Steelers out gained the Cowboys…”
But the point is that it’s God/Jesus who made the rule. There’s a massive difference between “Anybody who doesn’t worship me will be killed” and “I’m going to kill anyone who doesn’t worship me”. If Christians were honest, they’d come right and admit that God’s primary concern is being worshipped and he’s going to punish anyone who doesn’t do it. This would establish a simple and direct relationship between God and man.
But Christians realize this fact makes God sound self-centered and vindictive. So they try to rewrite the script by pretending that God’s primary concern is his love for us and he’s somehow forced to punish us if we don’t worship him. Which is ridiculous; Christian fundamentalist theology is clear that there is no greater power that can compel God to do anything and it also makes it clear that the rule of “worship me or be damned” was written by God and nobody else. If people go the Hell, it’s because God decided being worshipped is more important that sparing people.
According to Chick Publications, the artist for the “black tracts” is Fred Carter, a black pastor/artist who has been working for the company since 1972.
I don’t really see any resemblance. But that might be a good slogan. “I’ve already accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour. My salvation? What- me worry?”
I swear that the devil is talking about Harry Potter when we first see him in Where Did They Go? “I’m troubled about the second coming of… You-Know-Who.”
Where Did They Go?–
As disturbing as that wide grin on Pastor Weber’s face after his death is, it’s even weirder that he’s still grinning in his coffin. I’m reminded of the one character in the movie Top Secret who accidentally sodomized himself to death with a malfunctioning “Anal Intruder” device. “It took our best surgeons over three hours just to get the smile off his face.”
Interestingly, going by his tombstone, it appears that the guy’s name actually was “Pastor Weber.”
Does the Bible specifically state that possums are the Devil’s minions?
Ultimately, it seems like Satan wouldn’t have even known about the Rapture if it weren’t for Pastor Weber. So, really, all the suffering of the End Times can be blamed on Weber and his loose, grinning lips. The message is clear: find Weber now and silence him, while there’s still time! It can’t be too hard: how many guys have the first name “Pastor?”
Gotta love the little granny glasses when Satan consults the Bible, though. Nice touch, Jack.
Unforgiven?–
This tract gives me the impression that Jack Chick might be of the “it’s okay to lie your ass off in the name of Jesus” denomination of Christianity. I find the claims of relative whiteness between Jesus and Mohammed to be somewhat suspicious. Strangely, in tracts not specifically targeted toward a black audience, Jesus doesn’t appear quite as overtly pigmented as he does here. I especially like how, at the end, when Jesus is revealed as a hideous faceless titan in Heaven, he’s still a visibly melanistic faceless monstrosity.
I also like how Jesus isn’t buying any of that “changing your name” crap from the Black Muslims. You want to call yourself Muhammad? Sorry, LAMONT. Jesus says your sins are unforgiven, LAMONT.
One would think that if Christ’s name truly had the power to repulse Muslims physically, sending them cringing backward vampirelike as Grandma 'Lizbeth demonstrated on poor Lamont/Muhammad, the Crusades really ought to have gone a lot differently.
That’s the actual message in each and every one of his tracts. There’s no “might” about it. It’s a definite.
I changed my sig for the first time in a couple years thanks to “Where Did They Go?..” I never remember to use it, but still.
According to Google, Pastor Weber runs the Happy Feet Wedding Chapel, so I gotta say based on the name alone, I think that any reasoned person would be on Satan’s side in wanting to see Pastor Weber suffer.
At any rate this is about the umpteenth pissant tract from Chick this year and still no Scientology tract by Chick. [Samuel L. Jackson] I’ve had it with these motherfuckin’ weakass tracts by motherfuckin’ Jack Chick! [/SLJ] Once I’ve suitably primed myself with some “inspiration” I’m going to be sending the Chick folks a nasty email about him turning into a cotton candy ass on all of us. Then, if I’m up to it, I’ll send him a different one, full of weeping about how I feel so let down by all of this that he’s done and how I looked to him as my pillar of strength and now that it’s gone, I just don’t know what I’m going to do and that perhaps I’ll have to succumb to temptation now since I no longer have Jack Chick to help me hold back the demons which have been tempting me for so long now.
Okay, here’s what I sent them
I trust I don’t need to explain to anyone that the views expressed in the email are not my own, I’m pretty hammered at the moment, and I’ve been listening to Christianity is Stupid by Negativland on repeat while I was working on the email?
I suggest that you change this sentence from…
to…
I realize that now the only words which can be trusted for witnessing are those contained within the **King James Version of the **Holy Bible.
That will really let ol’ Chickie know you’re on his side. 
Tuckerfan, you are my new favorite Doper.
Please Jesus, let them respond.
I wish I’d known you were doing this, so I could advise you of this news story so you could include some real ammunition. 
I’d seen it, but I just couldn’t figure out how to work it into my screed.
It’s entirely possible that Jack eschews comment on Scientology because, unlike the majority of his other targets, they would be quite happy to sue and harass him into oblivion. Jack may not have total faith in the power of Christ to protect him from the endless nuisance lawsuits and other ‘fair game’ tactics of a religion even nuttier and much better organized than his own. Even if he is crazy, that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s stupid.
True, but when I last wrote Chick Co., I got vague promises about his next ones being hard hitting, etc. That turned out not to be the case, and this is a helluva lotta fun, besides. (And hey, if bunches of people write him and say similar things, he might just think he needs to toss us a bone to keep the money rolling in!)
Which reminds me of a broader concern. Sickie Chickie lives in a veritable compond, protecting himself from both physical attackers and interviewers who could make him look foolish or otherwise bad. (As if the latter were even a possibility!) To maintain absolute physical security he has even refrained from attending services, at least in the last several years.
Physical security? Whatda’ holy heck? First, he heading for the the great publishing plant in the sky, so why should he care if he’s offed? (Not that I would ever want to harm him even if I could, or want any potential assassins to succeed. We’d never have another travesty to love to hate every other month, for one thing.) If he’s concerned about his work being cut short, is that not in the Almighty’s hands? Seems to me that he’s not particularly concerned with others being in harm’s way for his cause. I mean, it’s pretty hard to imagine him telling a missionary to a very hostile location to at least take along some body armor.
True Blue Jack