I will not try to discipline my beautiful daughter to rein in her dangerous carnal appetites. To the contrary, I will raise her to use and discard men like this week’s hot fashion. That way, if she falls in love with the hero . . . well, that’s what he thinks!
I will never employ any Doomsday Device that is so destructive it would leave me with no world or subjects to rule over. I mean, if the world leaders can’t or won’t come up with the ransom, what options does that leave you?
on the bomb thing…
all wires will be the same color (gray)
cutting wires randomly will produce…
1; an electric shock capable of killing the person cutting the wire
2; an increase in speed of the bomb detonation timer
both wires will be present in any explosive device made by me or my trusted henchrobots
all bombs will have a secondary “backup bomb” embedded inside them
the bomb will detonate when the timer reaches 17
some bombs will be equipped with a random number generator timer, these bombs will detonate when the timer reaches -8
all henchpersons will submit themselves for cranial cybernetic augmentation, this will consist of either;
a Neuro-Chip implanted in the brain of the henchperson, the chip will contain a mental clone of my personality and will force the henchperson to carry out my will
nanobots which will bond with the henchperson’s brain, the henchperson’s personality will then be erased, and their now empty body controlled by a central AI to which I have the failsafe deadman switch, all henchperson bodies will be controlled by the computer, and the computer will be controlled by me
If the entire source of my power is a One True Dingus of any sort, I will not send out startlingly obvious and threatening minions robed in black with no facial features, on horses that drip some vaguely onimous liquid, but instead conduct a normal sort of low-level but patient search that will reveal odd-looking characters who can disappear at will without needing to yet unveil my evil intent.
Indeed if the One True Dingus actively seeks to return itself to me, I will possess myself with patience and wait for it to get here, as it inevitably will, and spring the whole “Aha! The world is now MINE MINE MINE” thing on an unsuspecting populace rather than telegraphing my punches like a drunken combative sailor; after all I’ve waited an age or two and a few more years will mean nothing to me.
Furthermore by then half the threat to me will have left the realm to go to some mysterious destination in the West and I won’t have them bothering me any more.
If I want a child, I will adopt an orphan. Do I really want more copies of my evil, megalomaniacal genes walking around?
You’re overthinking this.
The wires are all different colors. It doesn’t matter because all bombs should be set up that cutting any and all wires will detonate the bomb.
If I didn’t want it to go off, I wouldn’t have set it in the first place, would I?
If you don’t, are you really a megalomaniac? :dubious:
My execution chamber will include a variety of elaborate Rube Goldberg device, use of which will entail a lengthy delay between the time the switch is thrown and the eventual horrible death; this will build up suspense and terror, while at the same time providing a sufficiently clever and enterprising hero with the chance to devise an escape. Needless to say, none of these devices will ever be employed to execute any prisoner I sincerely want dead; those get a pistol bullet to the brain. The Rube Goldberg devices will be employed on condemned-but-unimportant criminals in my realm-wide reality TV show, “Who Wants to Live?” It’s always a good idea to give your subjects Bread and Circuses. (Surviving guests will be offered recruitment into the Assassination Regiment of my Legions of Terror.)
There’s actually a very good fantasy series that does this exact thing. It’s very sneaky.
I will appoint Paul Wolfowitz my senior advisor, and command Bill Frist to pass a bill preventing my judicial nominations from getting filibustered. (Hey, it seems to be working for that other guy.)
And never get into a land war in Asia! 
(Does not apply if your name happens to be or include “Khan.”)
Sorry…
KHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
KHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNN!