looks around, observing a barren landscape
I sit down in front of my keyboard, and type “zuma kills marilyn vos savant”, making myself the most powerful person in the world.
THE END.
Let’s close this thread as soon as possible please.
Are you allowed to do that? 
It all ends back where it began. A single shot rings out. A frail figure steps from the shadows. And Don Knotts says, “They all underestimated me. Laughing because I only carried one bullet. Well, one bullet’s all it took and now I’m the most powerful man in the world.”
Jesus, who had been patiently waiting on the sidelines, rings the bell and declares Don Knotts the winner.
And what to his wondering eyes should appear…
Out of the swirling snow steps a jolly old elf in a garish red velvet suit. As he stomps toward Don Knotts and Jesus, Santa Claus laughs maniacally, his large belly shaking like a bowl full of jelly.
Santa reaches into his sack and pulls out an AK-47. The last sound Jesus and Don Knotts hear is Santa screaming “MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS! RESURRECT THIS!”
Santa Claus is busy ho-ho-hoing his way to the sceptre of the Most Powerful Person in the World, when all of a sudden he feels a sharp pain in one of his left upper molars. Could this mean?
He whirls around, only to be confronted by… The Tooth Fairy! “Not so fast there, fat man!”
“Before you proclaim yourself the Most Powerful Person in the World, answer me this: Is it Safe?”
Santa Claus has no good answer for the question, and his demise in the dental chair is painful and prolonged. The Tooth Fairy rests the bloody pliers on the dental tray. There’s nothing like a good old-fashioned dental treatment, to get them to cry uncle.