New Neighbor

Since this is my first post I suppose that makes me your new neighbor. Yes you.

In that theme, here’s the game.

New neighbors just moved in next door. You invite them over for dinner. What’s the worst possible thing that they could say?

“You mean you don’t tie your wife to the stove?”

“Would you like a copy of The Watchtower?”

looks around for a sword

“Oh, don’t worry, the band only practices on weekdays.”

'We just got our Bush/Cheney ‘04 campaign signs, and can’t wait to put them out! What side of the yard are you putting yours on?’

“…yes, VERY contagious!”

“Tomorrow would be great! The rest of the family will be over in the afternoon for the goat sacrifice, but you’re welcome to join us for dessert.”

“Our puppy is a free range dog, we don’t believe in in restricting his freedom.”

“We got a couple old Caddys we are gonna restore some day, you won’t mind if we park them in front of your house do ya?”

" We’re on the sex offender registry,but those two 12 year old girls wanted it."

“I can be a bit of an exhibitionist. But don’t worry, I shed like 150 pounds over the summer.”

“You remind me of the last neighbours…shame about what happened to them.”

“Hi-diddly-ho Neighborinos. I’m Ned Flanders.”

Whoo… good thing you all ain’t insert racial, ethnic or sexual slur of choice here.

I saw your garage was open so I borrowed your lawn mower, if you need it it’s in my shed, just give me a call and I can unlock the door for you.

You haven’t seen any cops snooping around here lately have you?

We’re swingers.

“Heroin is the best thing, ever. Want some?”

Hi, I’m from the Homeowner Association Board of Directors…


“Which window is your bedroom?”

I’m so glad you are someone I can relate to. Everyone else around here seems to be so busy and I need a friend…

Good thing my grandfather didn’t come with me. He hates cats more than I do. Probably would have kicked him all the way across the room.*

*This is pretty close to the first thing my sister’s fiance said first time he came over and saw my cat. :mad:

For you, the bagpipe lessons are free!

“You have all these cats? Wonderful! I have some great recipes. When do you let them out to forage?”