How do I politely let my new neighbors know that I’m sick of hearing their love life?
I live on a ground floor apartment in a really large complex. A new couple moved in upstairs last week. I’ve never been a welcome wagon type of person so I haven’t met them, but my husband said they were early 20s with a “newlywed” look to them.
Newlywed or no, they shag a lot. Very energetically. And boy, does he have stamina.
This would all be fine with me if their bed didn’t squeak like mad.
I’ve been woken up by it twice now and prevented from getting to sleep in the first place one night. (On a fourth night I just went to bed with a sleeping pill and earplugs because they were already at it when I retired and I wasn’t about to be kept awake again.)
I know, I know, t’s an apartment, and so you’re bound to hear your neighbors occasionally. But this bed is loud. You can hear it even when they’re getting in or out of bed, not just when they go at it. If it were my bed it’d drive me crazy and would have been dealt with long ago, but this is 6 days now and the bed is as loud as ever.
So how do I deal with this? Do I call management and have them deal with it? (This just seems a bit personal to involve management in, especially from the beginning.) Do I leave a note on their door? (I’ve mentally composed many of those ranging from polite and euphemistic to “Quit with the fu*%ing already!” during those wee hours.) Thump the ceiling with a broom handle when they start up? What?
The recording idea has been kicked around, but I would have to purchase a recorder of some sort, and I’m kind of a cheap bastard. I don’t even have one of those little microrecorders, and a quick poll of co-workers has not turned one up for borrowing either.
Then, when they stare at you for signing to them and tell you they aren’t deaf, reply with, “Oh. Then surely you realise how much noise your bedroom activities make.”
Not to put too fine a point on it, hell no. That was part of where the “newlywed look” came from–my hubby thought they were both too unattractive and too goody-goody looking for them to just be getting it on.
I love the WD-40 idea Maxx! We may have a winner…(although the ASL is a close second!)
Wow - that’s almost exactly how I met my new downstairs neighbors at my old apartment in Seattle. But they weren’t newlyweds, and the problem was that she screamed during sex.
But I wasn’t nearly as patient as you - I was banging on the floor the first night. No way could I sleep with a woman screaming in the room below me.
He got really pissy about the whole situation, he had a ‘thing’ about banging as an indicator of noise problems. I found this out after I got up at about 1 am, put on my robe, went downstairs, rang the bell, and asked them to keep it down a bit. He said he’d rather get a phone call. I agreed to call, once he gave me his number. We were never close. Although the girlfriend and I got along well.
I like the WD-40 idea, if you can tolerate the sitation long enough for it to work. I’m … grumpy… when I don’t get my sleep.
I did have someone tell me that, in a similar situation, he left a note on their door with some friendly compliments.
“You, sir, are a powerful and generous man. Six times in one night is amazing- I don’t think I could match it. And your lovely wife, I know, appreciated your efforts, or else she is a truly gifted actor…”
I’d do it in the most cheesy, over-the-top manner possible. Put the WD-40 can on their doorstep, alongside a single red rose and a wrapped condom. Open the windows when they start up, break out your old Dean Martin records and play them at full volume. Better yet, join the neighbors in the courtyard for a sing-along. If you must, leave notes in the laundry room thanking them for what they add to the complex’s ambiance.
They will probably get embarrassed and take the hint, but they may take all of your egging them on as encouragement. If they thank you, then just thank them for saying so and ask when you can get some sleep.
For what it’s worth, I’ve run into this problem once. A single woman moved into a complex I lived in. Everyone’s apartment faced a single courtyard that amplified every noise that made it out of an apartment. She brought home a date on a Saturday night, was leered at on Sunday and Monday by every guy in the complex and moved out of the complex by Wednesday. Personally, I felt sorry for her.
Only quiet from above last night. Hopefully they got sick of the noise and have fixed the bed, but if not I’ve got a can of WD-40 and a note in a ziploc bag (it’s raining like mad here) ready to go on their door. The note says “WD-40 works wonders on super-squeaky beds! Please Please PLEASE try some! Compliments of your Downstairs Neighbors.”
It’s odd, but since it’s only the bed squeaking I’m much more reserved than if they were screaming and squealing. I’ll start hollering or thumping on the ceiling almost immediately for that.
Several years ago when I was in college and my husband and I were still dating, he had a basement apartment in a rattletrap old house down the street from my parents’ house. One night as we were having a post-coital smoke we started hearing all sorts of crazy moaning and screaming from upstairs. The ceiling/floor was really thin and we had already discovered that if we were relatively loud the people upstairs they could hear us, so we started cheering them on and shouting very explicit suggestions for several minutes until they quieted down. It was way more fun than just bitching!
A few months later I told the tale to my sister and discovered that she had been the screaming girl. Neither of us knew at the time that the other was dating the guy in “the other apartment”. Hilarious strange-but-true coincidence.
:smack: Please ignore randomly interjected pronoun. Changed my mind about how to phrase something but missed some of the original. That’ll teach me to preview!
Seem like you’ve got your answer then. A little WD-40, then cheer them on next time it happens.
I’d also point out that a lot of bed squeaking comes from the various nuts & bolts not being tight. Particularly if the furniture is old or rented or came with the furnished apt., it’s a good bet the thing is barely holding together. Loose parts move and squeek. Tight parts don’t.
A $2.99 cresecent wrench from the bucket next to the cash register at the local Autozone would make a nice addition to the welcome basket you’re arranging. Plus instructions on what to do with it.
