You must name him Admiral Ackbar.
I would call him Dr. Zoidberg. Although Tentacles is also a good name.
How about Callie? Callie Mari!
I confess that I originally had my eye on a COLOSSAL squid, but my current budget can only accommodate a GIANT one. However, since I signed up for the weekly e-newsletter from Cryptopetshop.com, my mailbox has been full to bursting with many fascinating and (I am sure) totally legitimate product advertisements. Of particular interest is the Squidagra™ ALL NATURAL 100% HERBL MANTLE ENH4NC3R!! SATISFACTIONZ GUARANZ. If I order a subscription for the introductory nine-month program at $1999.95 a month, that would in time give me a Colossal Squid for a fraction of the actual cost.
Not that I care about size, though.
[aside]
Psst, you guys… “Lap squid” is a really, really neat phrase that IMO deserves to be exploited as much as possible here on the SDMB.
[/aside]
My kingdom for a webcam! Then I could show you guys how CUTE he looks when he’s playing in it! Kind of like Augustus Gloop getting sucked through the tube in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
Put me in the “indoor” camp. While I can’t deny that my 25,000 sq. foot tank (I sprang for the next size up) is as rich or natural an environment as the Bathypelagic Zone, rest assured that I make every effort to ensure my pet is comfortable and sufficiently stimulated. So should I buy the “Bubbling Diver” or “Treasure Chest” next? (Or is a simple ceramic “No Fishing” sign the way to go?)
I’d like to express my gratitude for all the wonderful name suggestions. It’s hard to choose just one. Would it be pretentious of me to use all of them? Seeing the name Captain Dr. Admiral Ackbar Ambergris Zoidberg DreadCthulhu el Spermie de Tentacles von Squiddie McSquid tastefully engraved on brass plate that runs the perimeter of the tank would be faboo. Zebra, unfortunately I have to turn down Callie Mari because Captain Dr. Admiral Ackbar Ambergris Zoidberg DreadCthulhu el Spermie de Tentacles von Squiddie McSquid is indeed a boy squid. Ha ha… BOY, was I embarrassed when he started humping my SO’s leg! But what proud owner of a male giant squid hasn’t had this happen?
Until then, could you please post some still pictures of Captain Dr. Admiral Ackbar Ambergris Zoidberg DreadCthulhu el Spermie de Tentacles von Squiddie McSquid so we could all see how cute he is? (Not that we don’t take your word for it! 
)
Just post the pictures on his Web site. (He does have his own Web site, doesn’t he?) I don’t think www.Captain Dr. Admiral Ackbar Ambergris Zoidberg DreadCthulhu el Spermie de Tentacles von Squiddie McSquid.com is taken yet hint, hint.
Quoth Monster104:
What, no BFG? No Redeemer personal tactical nuke?
Amateur.
You should have a scale (1/10th scale?) of the Nautilaus from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.
I also think Mr. Grabby would be another good name.
I think Squidward is an awesome name for him! (I am surprised no one else came up with it yet!)
O
You might want to think putting Captain Dr. Admiral Ackbar Ambergris Zoidberg DreadCthulhu el Spermie de Tentacles von Squiddie McSquid through squid school.
Not only does it teach him correct behaviour (otherwise the little critters are just always trying to get away when you walk them) but it will also keep him entertained and healthy. There are some pretty good giant squid schools out there, just try to keep away from the more shadier ones. I’ve heard whales frequent those on the lookout for fights.
Might want to keep your eyes on any suspicious large men with undersized trenchcoats that hang around the playground. We wouldn’t little Captain Dr. Admiral Ackbar Ambergris Zoidberg DreadCthulhu el Spermie de Tentacles von Squiddie McSquid get heard in a playground fight, now would we?
I really think the squid would be better suited with the bio-gun, a.k.a. the green goop gun, a.k.a the booger gun.
Something about radioactive puddles of green ooze just make squids so much better.
Yes, I highly recommend it. The local squid obedience school taught mine how to “fetch”, “heel”, “play dead”, and “roll over” (very handy when you have small living quarters).
But then they said they’d teach him how to “shake hands”. That was 3 months ago, and I haven’t heard back from them since.
On a bummer note, my neighbors the Goatses (not their real name) were snooping around on the day Captain Dr. Admiral Ackbar Ambergris Zoidberg DreadCthulhu el Spermie de Tentacles von Squiddie McSquid was airlifted in. Mrs. Goatse is a painted shrew. When she isn’t pestering me about when I’m going to get married, she’s always finding excuses to ring my doorbell and peek into my house. Anyway, I guess she must have gnawed her pudding-jawed husband into submission because I found out he bought her six – that’s right, SIX – Humbolt squids! I HATE those things! They’re like rats in squid suits, all nerves and yippy voices. Worse yet, I don’t think she really cares about them. She’s sure as hell not keeping them leashed.
I came home to a big puddle of ink all over my porch. :mad: This does NOT bode well.
Thanks, Sorcy. We’ve already had “The Talk.” It took a while ('cos I had to repeatedly paint my body different colors to get the nuances across to him), but I’m pretty confident that he now knows there is nothing wrong with self-defense.
Next discussion: “Good Touch” vs. “Bad Touch.”
Hope you checked your squid’s stools for irregularities…
Some have suggested that you get another so that he won’t be lonely but you don’t have to get another squid. You can get any other animal and you would be surprised how well they get along.
That reminds me of one of my favorite books from childhood Sally and Slappy about a budgie and an octopus who were best friends. They had many adventures Sally and Slappy go to the Park, Sally and Slappy go to the Store, Sally and Slappy and the Holy Grail, (and my favorite) Sally and Slappy go to the Playboy Mansion (out of print) Boy did those two taught me much about friendship and acceptance.
Dang, you beat me to it!
How about “Sklooorrrrck” as a name? Its the sound that it makes when you hug it too hard and the poop comes out…
I’m surprised that no one’s mentioned it – make sure to get your squid chipped! It’s a relatively quick and painless procedure, where a small electronic chip is implanted under the skin. That way, if your squid gets out, and ends up at the ASPCA, they’ll scan your pet and know it’s owned by someone, and not just a stray giant squid loose in the streets. The chip ID can be looked up in their database to get your name and phone number. Chipping can also help to prove he’s your pet. Imagine the agony of having your giant squid go missing, and a day later seeing some kid walking down the street with it on a leash, and not being able to prove that he’s yours?
If he’s like other squid, be careful if he embraces you with his tentacles and the tentacles turn bright red. That means he’s getting ready to stab you with one of the tentacles and leave a sperm packet inside. This sort of thing has taken a lot of inexperienced squid owners by (fatal) surprise.
Also, for clarity and correctness: A squid has eight arms plus two tentacles.
Just as kittens like to play with string, a giant squid likes to play, too. Try dangling some 6" thick galvanized steel cable into the tank and watch him go wild. Remember, make the cable dance and shimmy as if it were alive – it’s all in the wrist.
Some squid toys are available commercially, like lifelike mannequins in diving helmets filled with squidnip. These will help keep your pet squid from getting bored. Make sure to get a sturdy one, as your giant squid will be disappointed if the limbs and head tear off right away.
Inking can be a problem, and it’s something you have to deal with carefully. Inking is a behaviour engaged in by frightened squid. Contrary to what some squid owners think, punishing your squid for inking will only make it worse. Approach your squid slowly and obliquely. The last thing you want to do is appear intimidating. But make sure to wear washable clothes when you start, because you’re bound to have a few failures. Remember, your pet is in a new, scary environment, and you may appear intimidating, even if you’re only 1/10th the size of your pet.
Another piece of advice probably doesn’t apply to you, but you’d be amazed how many people just go out and buy a giant squid with no thought to having a proper enclosure. Giant squid are creatures of the deep – they can’t survive at the water’s surface, and once on the surface, their bouyancy control is shot, and they can no longer submerge. A giant squid without an enclosure at least 1000 feet deep (preferrably three times that) will quickly become a dead pet, as those who whimsically pick up a giant squid at their county fair quickly find out. (An alternative is a pressurized tank; these tend to be fairly expensive and beyond the means of the usual owner, but anyone can dig a 1000’ hole in their backyard with sufficient motivation)
And folks, before you go buy a squid, please check the local humane society. Often times there will be giant squids, just as loveable and cute as any in the store, and not only are they cheaper but you’ll be doing a good deed and giving a lonely cephalopod a new home.
Bob Barker says: Don’t forget to spay or neuter your pets!
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
Sengkelat rocks.
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
And so do the rest of you. I wish I were 1/100th as clever.
I’m glad my advice is helpful to you, MineFujiko. Squid are near and dear to me, since my first job (I swear this is true) was as a squid wrangler.