I’ve a friend who often says outragious things that often stick in my head and rattle around for a while just because of their sheer audacity (sometimes idiocy) and borderline brilliance of insight.
His latest, and this is a topic close to my heart lately so I’ll ask for a bit of latitude, is that:
Contrary to popular myth that men are driven by sex/power and women by love, the truth is in fact quite the opposite. Men marry for love. Women marry for status/security.
Now I recognize that this is an awfully big brush to be painting with and an instant magnet for the “My exception overrides your rule” argument. I realize this can’t stand up to individual case scrutiny. But as many (most?) of us subscribe to social evolution theories that say that large populations do behave in predictable patterns, this theory may not be so far out of whack. Some large number of people must be exhibiting this kind of behaviour for it to show as a social trend.
Now I know that evolution/social theory suggests that men want to spead their seed (genes) while women want to nurture their own. But I’m starting to believe that this is not entirely true in modern (western) society. In recent generations men have been pressured by society to be far less promiscuous while women’s lib has removed that scarlet letter condemnation from women’s brows. As a result, this change in social norms has had a pretty significant impact on male/female relations. Particularly with respect to the institution of marriage. Studies, which I’m too idle to search and cite directly, do show that extra marital affairs by women are on the rise. (Not judging, just saying.)
My experience, plus those I’ve observed among some members of this board (through their own life experiences) and those of a few friends seem to bear witness to the facts. Women do tend to base their relationships heavily on the status it brings them (not exactly a new theory!). Men, though initially attracted by physical attributes, do tend to translate and imprint these attributes with deeper feelings of attachement and “classic” love ( which is somewhat contrary to popular belief).
Now I’m sure plenty will come along and blow holes in this theory. Perhaps it’s not worth floating. Like I said, I’m just trying it on for size. Comments to the extent that, “It takes all kinds”, though accurate don’t really contribute to the theory one way or another. I’m just wondering if anyone has entertained this idea at all and if so, the kinds of grief they’ve caught for expressing it.
