New sports accomplishment terms

In My Humble Opinion
1

The recent Kentucky Derby telecast made me think of something. As I recall, there have been THREE winners of the first two legs of the Triple Crown who either finished second by a damn hair or completely stumbled in the Belmont Stakes. (That’s not even counting all the times someone first or third “jewel” or the second and third.) This is seriously getting to me…it’s like the perfect game or no-hitter through 8 2/3 innings that’s ended by a crazy fluke hit, and it seems to just happen over and over and over. I swear I’ve seen about ten final out no-hitter ruiners for every no-hitter.

Well, if the sports media can invent terms like “Guga Slam” and “Tiger Slam” and Harvey Haddix can get a special mention for being perfect for 12 innings and failing only because of our country’s psychotic aversion to draws (I still can’t believe fans went ballistic about it happening in an EXHIBITION GAME), I think a near-Triple Crown deserves some metion. I mean, it’d be a travesty if Cigar just faded into history. So let’s invent a term for two wins and a place…maybe “Grand Crown”. (Everyone knows what a Triple Crown is, so there’s no harm in making this grandiose.) Furthermore, one win and two places can be a “Fine Crown”, and three places can be a “Silver Crown”. If we allow shows into the mix…which only makes sense, since in horse racing the top three are “in the money”, this opens up even more possibilities.

How about those baseball achievements, great and small? Some suggestions:
Perfect game through 8 2/3: Almighty game
Perfect game through 8 1/3: Extraordinary game
Perfect game for more than 9, but lost in extra innings: Perfect regulation
No-hitter through 8 2/3: Handcuffing
No-hitter through 8 1/3: Shutdown
No-hitter for more than 9, but lost in extra innings: Zero-nine
No-hitter broken up because brain-dead scorekeeper outrageously called an incredibly obvious error a base hit: Technical no-hitter
4 extra base hits: Slobberknocker (We need this, dammit; the last thing anyone wants is someone not taking an extra-base hit to get a cycle.)
4 base hits: Four square
No-hitter, but game lost: Spurious no-hitter (this is rare enough that it deserves a term)

Furthermore, 8-inning perfect games and no-hitters (when the bottom of the 9th isn’t played because the home team is in the lead) should be called just that. Good lord, don’t shaft players with something that’s completely beyond their control.

One more thing…a hat trick is three goals scored without a goal being scored by the opposition. Three goals period needs a different term…say, triad. Or triangle. Something simpler than hat trick.

What do you think? Sounds good? Got any ideas of your own?

2

I think there needs to be a baseball name for when a pitcher doesn’t get a no-hitter but faces the minimum 27 batters (thanks to a pick-off or double play or something). That’s pretty impressive as well.

3

If a pitcher throws 8 perfect innings and doesn’t get a chance to pitch the 9th, it can only happen because of weather or some other act of God.

There is no way that pitcher is losing. The WORST he could get would be a no decision in a tie game.

4

Okay, I’m calling two wins and a show a “Mighty Crown”. And I’m using that exact term every time the subject of Funny Cide comes up again.

Again, these are real achievements, and I don’t want a single one being glossed over or completely forgotten just because we don’t have a catchy name for it.

BobT - What I meant was if the pitcher for the home team pitched 8 perfect innings, and his team was ahead by the middle of the 9th. If so, the game ends right there; he doesn’t get to pitch the bottom of the 9th.

5

He’d have to pitch the TOP of the ninth, though, if he were the home team’s pitcher.

6

And we need a term for a guy who hits for “better than” the cycle. You mentioned the Slobberknocker, which would be, for example, three doubles and a homer, or even four doubles. But that triple is the hardest one to get, usually. So if a guy gets a double, triple, and homer, then gets another double (for example), it should be a “cycle extraordinaire.” This is similar to the Slobberknocker, I guess, but he got all the hard parts, and then did them again.

7

I think a hockey player should get some sort of special notation in the box score to indicate that he scored a goal with a shot that also popped the water bottle off the top of the net.

8

Haddix game was NOT an exhibition- it was I believe St. Louis, his 1st team, or Pittsburgh his 2nd ,at Milwaukee. It happened in mid seson, & counted. Yeah, there are some mid season exhibitions-but not that one.

9

Just recalled a “natural hat trick”-all 3 in one period. Jean Beliveau scored a hat trick in 45 seconds.(all power plays) After that, a player left the penalty box after a goal was scored. Now that’s a point-who caused more rule changes? I say Wilt.