I am now the person in charge of coming up with new names for SUVs. Well, that’s not entirely true. It’s just a game
I play when I am bored. Remember, YMMV (but generally it will hover around 10 MPG).
Expletive - comes equipped with side panels announcing your
favorite curse word
Exponential - grows larger each day
Exhibitionist - for people who really like to show off
Explosion - careful, you never know when it might burst into
flames
Exaggerator - not as big as you think it is
Excommunicator - just don’t drive it to church
Exorcist - rotates 360 degrees while in neutral
Extortionist- payment never goes away.
Extender- makes your regular SUV lookbigger, but it has no sensation and it’s too hard to be really lifelike
Extra- the small SUV for people who already have too many
Exclusion- Only the really snooty can drive it.
Excavator- fun at parties!
Excretion- oh, wait, they’re already using that one.
Excalibur - If you want one, you have to go down to the shore of a certain lake. If you’re worthy, a mystical woman in a white robe will toss you a set of keys.
Extremist - Automatically throws tear gas canisters at jeering environmentalists.
Exception - It’s like a normal SUV but it refuses to say hello to Opal.
Experimental - It actually has off-road capabilities.
Expander - The bigger ego you get, the bigger the SUV gets.
Exterminator - Mounted with missiles and flamethrowers - perfect for road rage!
Exile - For Europeans
Exemption - No matter what you can’t sue Ford for this one!
Ok… I think that’s as far as I can push it…
If some of them just doesn’t make sense please let me know… I’m from Denmark and may have a misunderstood understanding (Is there such a thing?) of what the words actually mean… So please let me know if I’m wrong.
What cool sounding (i.e. advertising friendly) cities and places in the western United States haven’t yet been harvested as SUV or truck names? Just off the top of my head, I can think of the …
Santa Fe
Tahoe
Sedona
Laredo
Pueblo
Montana
Denali
Tacoma
Yukon (in Canada, but still “western”)
Outback (very, very, very far west, mate)
Durango
Sequoia
I don’t expect to see anyone driving a Chevrolet Las Cruces or Dodge Alamogordo anytime soon, and many buyers still remember such lovely cars as the Pontiac Phoenix and Dodge Aspen. So, what’s left?
Colorado
Wyoming
El Paso (not a nice city, but a “rugged” SUV-appropriate name IMHO)
Denver
Telluride
Mesa
Gallup
Laramie
You’ve got the Hyundai Santa Fe, for example, but odds are you’ll never see the Toyota Las Cruces hitting the streets anytime soon.
I’ve long used these terms:
Expedition–Exaggerated
Excursion --Excessive
Suburban --Subdivision
For their next biggie, Ford could have the Expurgated–which isn’t allowed on public roads. Toyota could follow up the Four-Runner with the Fivesight (countdown to Callahan’s fans chiming in…5…4…)
Just don’t badmouth my Explorer–at 185,000 miles, it still gets 20mpg, doesn’t burn oil, and gets me, my friends, and my electronics and props to sites without getting everything wet. To someone who has to haul lots of delicate equipment, it’s a good vehicle.
Not to be confused with the Excavator, The Excavation is a Komatsu 930E* With the rear bed removed and in its place a luxury cabin with seating for 50,an IMAX theater,Minibar,Pool,3 bathrooms,and a Disco Floor. All yours for 10 payments of 3,999,999!!
Get your own Oldsmobile Obscenity
The new Chevrolet Continent
The 2002 Pontiac Planet
New for 2002, the Toyota Tectonic
And you know you want the Mitsubishi Mountain Crusher
