Sounds Oniony, but I wouldn’t put it past him.
Yeah, everything we know about Trump suggests he’s 100% heterosexual to the core. He may be disgusting and a creep, but he’s a straight creep. Clinton doesn’t seem gay or bi either.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
mmm
They may have had what Archie Bunker called a “candlestine romance” 
It would be entirely appropriate to the fucked up world we are living in if this was thing that ended trumps political career.
And by entirely appropriate I mean utterly fucking insane, implausible and offensive* like everything that has happened over the last decade
‘*’ - by offensive I mean it would be offensive if a sex act between two consenting adults was the cause of the downfall of someone who committed so many heinous crimes, not that the act itself was offensive
Please excuse Epstein’s Brother
Signed, Epstein’s Mother
I’ve seen several takes on this, so paraphrased, not my original joke:
A dick that can take down two presidents.
And from someone who doesn’t actually believe it’s true:
Lying about one blowjob led to impeachment, lying about another could also lead to impeachment.
I have a theory that Trump has a secret attraction to trans women. I won’t get too into detail about how I imagine this happened but I think Trump once had an encounter with such an individual and it was the sexual highlight of his life. This is why he has all the busty blondes around him at all times. It’s to remind him what he is supposed to be attracted to. I perceive a lot of self-loathing in Trump and a lot of overcompensating for it.
There’s also that bit in the love poem to Epstein where "enigmas” could be “gamines”, gamines being boyish-looking little girls. In addition to that, at least one of Epstein’s victims was trans so Trump certainly could have had access.
Trump also told E. Jean Carroll that he was going to put on lingerie with her. So if we go by the Republican definition, Trump actually is trans and he uses it just so he can get into private spaces with women so he can rape them.
Didn’t Trump also recently go on at length (snicker) about Arnold Palmer’s massive hog?
I have no idea if this is true, but it does, to me, seem to be more likely to be correct than Trump’s “admission” on X that this did indeed happen.
Bill Clinton has the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever.
At the very least, trump cocksucking is the new couch fucking. Endless jokes and smirky asides. I really do wish someone would ask Leavitt about it, her response would be hilarious.
She’d strangle herself clutching her pearls. 
I hadn’t thought about that. He should totally say “Well, we were pretty drunk, and well, I don’t want to go into it, but yes, he blew me”
I don’t care that it’s almost certainly a lie.
What kind of top secret CIA level boner pills would have been required for Bill to maintain?
With someone who projects as much as he does, I’m not convinced he’s 100% straight. Not only would he blather about some golfers dong, but he would also say how he’d kiss everyone at his rallies, with his own added emphasis, including the men. Then dance to The Village People, to conclude his diatribes.
“However, he did not inhale. I mean swallow.”
He might choke himself while pulling them out of her… hands.
I don’t actually think that he is. I think that he has a different sort of sexuality, that I’m not sure has a standard name, but which I think is rather common among men of high social status. For these men, they’re not attracted to women in and of themselves: They just see women as yet one more way of keeping score. If I have the sort of concubines that everyone else wants, and if I have a lot of them, that’s a sign of my own status. And since their standard of “everyone else wants” is based mostly on what other high-status men want, their vision of the “ideal woman” often ends up being a sort of copy-of-a-copy distorted, exaggerated caricature of what actual attractiveness looks like.
Think of Jabba the Hutt. It makes no sense that he’d be attracted to humanoid women. If his species is even sexual at all, the standards of Hutt beauty would surely be completely alien to human standards. But he still has scantily-dressed human slave women dancing for him, because that’s what others desire, and he’s showing off that he has what others desire.
Congrats, folks. Plumbing new depths here… 