I wondered whether I had shared this story already; a search on it turned up nothing, so here goes.
New Year’s Eve, 1994: My husband and I lived in a small town in California which had recently gotten it’s very own Red Lobster. Our exciting New Year’s plans were to eat at Red Lobster. Okay, our exciting New Year’s plan was to eat at Red Lobster with our friends (Eric, Lysa and Don) and my brother-in-law. w00t!
We arrived at Red Lobster around 6:00 PM and had a few drinks in the bar while we waited for our table to become available. Two beers later I felt the need to retire to the ladies’ room for some nose-powdering, so off I went.
I pushed through the restroom door and headed immediately to a stall. Just before entering, out of the corner of my eye, I saw something porcelain. Closing the door, locking it and beginning preparations for evacuation I thought: Wow, this is a nice restaurant. They even have bidets in the restroom! Whaddaya know? Small-town California is getting European on us!
A few seconds later, someone walked into the restroom, across it, I heard them unzip their pants and start their own nose-powdering… My own ritual complete, I began zipping up, and slowly, it dawned on me.
That person didn’t go into a stall before making a waterfall. The stall I’m in is blue. The tile in the bathroom is kind of… masculine. Holy SHIT that wasn’t a bidet I saw out of the corner of my eye! That was a urinal!! I’m in the MEN’S RESTROOM!!!
I snuck a peek through the small crack between the door and the stall… The guy who was just whizzing has moved to the sinks and is washing his hands… I RECOGNIZE HIM!
"Eric!"
Eric looks up at the ceiling, as if he’s wondering whether it’s God who is speaking to him. He looks around…
"Eric!"
Eric turns around, peers toward the stall and says, tentatively, “Gazelle?”
"I’m going to come out of here… cover me as we leave QUICKLY!"
The man acted as any good soldier would. He covered his buddy and I lucked out. No one saw me go into and/or leave the men’s restroom. I told the story to the rest of our party, making sure to include my bidet fantasy and Eric’s reaction to me calling his name. We all laughed our butts off and our night’s entertainment became telling embarrassing New Year’s Eve stories about ourselves… And what we all thought was going to be a lame ass New Year’s Eve ended up being a lot of fun.
Please share your New Year’s Eve stories!
