New York gets hit by Bosda's wrath. How do I survive? (Warning: not so grim topic):

What were to happen if, in response to the nuclear attack threads (who starts those things, anyway? :smiley: ) our very own ** Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor**, were to explode over Mufreesboro TN casting a cloud of righteous anger and indignation all the way to New York? How could I survive this (especially since some of it is aimed at me for my thread)?

Assumptions about the blast
This will be a full-blown explosion of indignation. All “panicky wankers” are known to be at risk from this explosion.

Some pertinent facts about me
I live about five states away from Mufreesboro, TN. While I’m sure I could survive the initial blast, I am afraid (as a true-bred panicky wanker) of the fallout from said blast. My wife and children are not so panicky as I am, so they will be reasonably safe. I do stock my home with an extra backbone, so I can, for short periods, not be so panicky. However this is not a long-term solution.

So, can I survive the wrath of Bosda? :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

Zev Steinhardt

And of course, in the course of a perfectly good joke, I forgot to tell people what the heck this thread is talking about. :smack:


Zev Steinhardt

Look, I’m only 200 miles or so from Bosda. I don’t want his indignation near me. :wink:

Within .067 milliseconds of Bosda’s detonation, a flash of blinding rage will sear all flesh from your body within a radius of 2,000 feet of ground zero. This will be followed by a shock wave of indignation travelling outward from the blast site at the local speed of ire. With an overpressure of 8.7 kilofuries at 4,000 feet from ground zero, this shock wave is sufficient to catastrophically deflate egos up to 12,500 feet away. Within minutes of the initial blast, a fallout of contentious irritation and profound haughtiness will permeate the atmosphere within several dozen miles of the detonation site, causing severe loss of smugness and long-term desolation in anyone exposed. The consequences to life and generall well-being of such a blast are enormous and should be avoided at all costs.

I live about 20 miles up the interstate from M’boro. Sometimes late at night when I’m in bed, I can hear mighty rumblings coming from the east and I’m forced to duct tape my windows so I’ll feel safer.

When my dad was in Basic, they were shown training films of just such an occurance. Your best bet in such a situation, says dear old dad, is to wrap yourself in olive loaf and stuff yourself into the clothes dryer for a few hours.

Of course if Bosda’s eaten at White Castle or Chi-Chi’s recently, all bets are off.

Good luck!

Burger King Onion Rings would be bad, too.

I wonder what Bosda himself would have to say on this subject?

I’m already wrapped in a cloak of general crankiness, so I have a feeling this might act as a sort of armour against his indignation.

However, my husband tells me a bunch of Doper valentines await me at home. This will probably put a chink in my armour of irritability, and I shall be vulnerable. Let’s hope I can get myself back in a crappy mood before Bosda explodes.

I’m about 4 states away so we’re just looking forward to the bitchin’ sunsets.

I strongly recommend stripping completely naked and smearing yourself with mayonnaise in an open area, preferably a city park if one is nearby. Now, what’s this about Bosda?

No point in stocking up on non-perishable consumable, I’m only about 30 miles away. I’d be a krispy kritter in a nanosecond, panicky wanker or not.

pravnik —you do this whether or not there is going to be a nuclear attack. Please stop.:smack:

Me? I’m entirely too close (within 400 miles). However, I shall protect myself by leaping beneath Trent Lott’s hair !!!

Just wrap yourself in plastic sheeting and duct tape…

I guess I’d better or they won’t let me into any of the shelters.