"Nice Guys" vs. Decent, Albeit Clueless, Men

[Velocity]

@Pantastic

Can anyone define exactly what ‘jerkishness’ and ‘niceness’ mean in this context? Because the way ‘nice guys’ use the words, they clearly don’t have the standard meaning. In some cases, ‘Jerkishness’ is a synonym for ‘has a backbone’ (ie a guy who doesn’t just do whatever his girlfriend says is a ‘jerk’), sometimes it’s for confidence (ie a guy who can go up and talk to women is a ‘jerk’), but rarely does it seem to be refering to actual bad behavior.

It’s a major tenant of the nice guy mindset that they are not ‘jerks’ and don’t display any ‘jerkish’ behvaior, and that women like ‘jerkish’ behavior, but it’s never clear exactly what is being referred to. Trying to figure it out from context in this thread, ‘jerkish’ seems to be used for ‘any trait women find attractive’, which just gets silly (well of course women are attracted to traits women find attractive, that’s a tautology).

It’s hard to define, for sure. Someone else gave some relevant, albeit a bit extreme, examples in another thread:

@Your_Great_Darsh_Face

I can’t speak for socially clueless guys as a group, and as I’ve hinted I’m out of the dating game for good and all, but I have personally known: -

• a girl besotted with a guy whose idea of banter was to tell everyone within earshot that she was on her period while she was begging him to shut up about it
• a woman who left one violent shitbag to take up with another violent shitbag whom even the neighbours on a rough council estate considered a violent shitbag
• two or more girls who’ve managed to pick men who did a great line in wasting their money.

I also don’t claim to have been “hopelessly in love” with any of 'em, but a man would be only human to ask himself “Why in Kdapt’s[sup]*[/sup] name am I so desperately unattractive compared to that”?