I get angry but reserve the murderous rage/ need for revenge for those who merit such emotions and so far, that’s just my ex-husband. Since he’s the father of my children, he is safe from my wrath for years to come. The soul-destroying bitterness only destroys my soul, not his, so I’ll waive that, too.
It’s a choice. As is being kind and loving. You can only be known as a kind and loving person by DOING kind and loving things. If you feel yourself so surrounded by people who want to get one over on you, you should remove yourself from their influence. Please don’t live your life in fear and defensiveness. You can care for yourself and your kids without handing your valuables over to whoever might want to take them from you.
I’ve always wondered about your chosen screen name. Choose to be kind and loving.
Alice, you are already kind. You feel it inside and you have the courage to apologize to others when you mess up. All that’s missing is being able to forgive yourself when you aren’t perfect.
Take time for some quietness and some deep breaths. Be kind to yourself.
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
I’m not as nice a person as I would like to be, but I’m working on it.
I believe that unleashing rage and anger on the world is a form of littering or spreading toxic waste around. You can’t eliminate emotions, but you can learn how to dispose of them properly.
Practices that help me:
- gratitude lists
- Loving kindness practice Especially if I wake up in the night and can’t sleep because I’m worrying or annoyed about something that happened. Doing lovingkindness practice brings me into a state of bliss.
- Just remembering that, in the greater scheme of things, emotions are so transitory and passing that it isn’t worth caring so much about them. They come and they go.
- Caring more about other people than myself. Not to neglect myself and make myself into a doormat – no, I’ve done that, and martial arts (aikido) training helped me become a bit more assertive and secure in a healthy way – but to recognize that we are all equally important, and that it often best serves the greater good for me not to indulge my personal wishes and desires but to attend to the needs of others, instead.
- Vigorous exercise is a great way to burn up the chemicals that anger releases in the body.
- if it is a genuine injustice that has aroused your anger, once you cool down, take some real action, however large or small, to correct it. Write a letter, stage a protest, contribute time or money to a cause, in some way express your compassion to those who have suffered injustice. But act out of your compassion, even if the spur is anger.
And be kind to yourself, too. You are worth it.
Alice the Goon, peeps. It’s a cartoon character. It doesn’t necessarily mean she sees herself as a goon. 
When I was living in Chile during college, I decided I wanted to spend my time down there in such a way that, when I came back, I would be able to do so with no regrets. That included travel and making friends. I didn’t want to be one of those exchange students who winds up hanging out only with people from my country, speaking only my native language. I didn’t like those guys in college - I certainly didn’t want to be one of those people. So I extended myself. It’s a lot easier to do that if you’re not an asshole about it. Eventually, that just started to apply to other aspects of my life. I don’t want to get to 60 years old and wish I had more friends or hadn’t been such a shit. I want to be approachable. I also want support and to do that, you have to give as much as you get.
That doesn’t mean I’m a doormat. I won’t do just anything to get people to like me and, yes, sometimes I get in a snit or get really pissed off, mostly with the people I love best in all the world (in fact, this happened yesterday when my son woke up at 3 a.m. and refused to go back to sleep until 5:30 - damn, was I mad). But I don’t want to find myself years from now with people, family included, avoiding me because I’m such a jerk. And I genuinely like being nice to people. It makes me feel good.
And overall, life is very, very good. There’s plenty bad about it - I need to lose weight, I never get enough sleep, there’s never enough money. But I’ve got lots of close family, a little son who depends on me, a husband who loves me and close friends. I can pay my bills (usually), my health is ultimately up to me so I’m taking control of the weight issue, I’ve got a good place to live and I can do most of the things that I want to do within reason. Why let the little things get me down?